My first short film.

[Bipolar]

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Okay Tigger2, here are some of my thoughts… please don’t be offended by my comments, I thought I’d offer some “constructive criticism”…

Those of you who haven’t seen the film – please be aware there are spoilers ahead!!

My interpretation of the basic situation in the story – a young man comes across an attractive young woman. He pursues this young woman, they have some pleasant conversation, and end up spending the night together. The following day, the young man finds out that the young woman wasn’t quite who he had imagined her to be.

My interpretation of the story from Karthik’s point of view: he’s the owner/manager of a restaurant, he comes across an attractive young woman, seems to believe he has found love at first sight. He pursues her, talks to her, and begins to think there is a possibility of an interesting, meaningful relationship. They spend the night together, and the following morning, he finds out that the young woman is/was actually married, and has a child. Nevertheless, they both seem to agree that their meeting was pleasant, and they will take the happy memory with them.

My interpretation of the story from Preethi’s point of view: she’s a dentist, she is/was married and has a child, but she does not appear completely happy or satisfied with her profession or even with her marriage. She was waiting for someone to join her at the theatre, but unfortunately they had to cancel at the last minute. She meets this pleasant young man who seems very interested in getting to know her, and feels flattered by the attention he is showing towards her. Maybe she did not get this kind of attention from her own husband? Maybe she really felt the need for a genuinely emotionally meaningful relationship with someone, and she feels there is a possibility of such a relationship with Karthik? She is a little nervous, but eventually they spend the night together. The following morning, she did not feel that she could tell him that she was married, but eventually, they met once more, maybe for the last time, and they appear to part company on pleasant terms.

Dialogue – I felt some of the dialogue was not very strong. “I wonder how people manage to fall in love without listening to his [Ilayaraja’s] music…” or “you sat through a whole play without understanding it… for me… that’s so romantic…” or “I want to try your coffee” or “I’ll remember last night for the rest of my life…” or “I too will remember last night…” etc. Er… sorry, but I really didn’t feel very impressed by that dialogue…

Rather than Preethi not knowing anything about Ilayaraja’s music, I would suggest it would have been more interesting if they had a detailed conversation about one of his songs, and they both begin to enjoy the discussion as they begin to debate some of the finer points, e.g. they could debate why did Ilayaraja compose so many songs in "Keeravaani" Raagam?, and realise they have something in common, or something like that… (I mean, well… I once had a long, very interesting conversation with an attractive young lady about music, and I was really astonished to find out how similar our musical tastes were… everything from rock and metal, to film scores and “classical” stuff… it was a very interesting conversation… but we did not go home together ) Then, they could move on to other topics of conversation… stuff that Yuppies like to discuss… articles they read about in Time magazine or India Today, etc. (that’s one way Yuppies like to show off their credentials, I think) And why not move sideways? You talked about Ilayaraja, why not introduce us to other musicians who are probably less well known? That way, both your protagonist Karthik and you (as the writer/director) can make much more of an impact on us, your audience…

I would have expected Preethi to be in a “bad mood”/irritated/annoyed (at the start) – because someone failed to meet her when she was expecting them! I thought maybe she had actually been waiting for her husband, rather than her sister, and I thought she would have been really disappointed and hurt… but she didn’t seem to show any sign of that… And I would have expected that she would be more reserved at first, maybe she would initially show her irritation towards Karthik, and then gradually feel more comfortable over the course of the rest of the evening… I would say that Preethi should have had perhaps even less dialogue in the beginning… the character should have had more “mystique”… she should express herself through the expressions on her face, and by her general behavior… she should have had less smiling in the beginning – maybe the scene in the theatre where everyone laughs, she should have remained silent (to indicate she is not in a good mood) – we should be shown the expressions on her face to try and understand her thoughts… particularly through the look(s) in her eyes… her eyes should tell us whether she trusts Karthik or not… when she realizes that Karthik sat through the play just for her, she shouldn’t say that that was romantic, but should have been speechless, and her eyes should show that she was touched… and the camera/cinematographer should help with close-up shots of her face and eyes…

I would also suggest that maybe Preethi should have had a different hairstyle – I thought maybe a hairstyle like the one worn by Amala Paul in the film “Kaadhalil Sodhapuvadhu Eppadi” (it’s quite a common hairstyle for young women, but I don’t know what it’s called) – I think that would have made her “stand out” – it would have made her look more youthful and more attractive, and in the last scene (i.e. where Karthik finds her at the Dental hospital) the “neutral” hairstyle, i.e. to give her a more “professional” appearance was appropriate – this would have clearly depicted the contrast between the two sides of the character – on one side, a consummate professional, on the other side, a young woman, with her womanly needs and desires.

And why “Preethi”? You could have tried a more interesting name… something like Revathi, Gayathri, or Avantika, for example.

I felt that in the last scene, the story should have been left “unresolved”, i.e. Preethi should have avoided meeting Karthik, and he soon leaves, and then we see a look of sadness in Preethi’s eyes, or something like that… Or perhaps it turns out that Preethi is not actually from the same town/city – maybe she is from another town/city nearby, 50 miles away… this would add to the character’s “distance”… taking an evening to go to the theatre to watch a play was a chance for her to “escape” from the emptiness of her actual real life? This would add to Karthik's sense of astonishment when he finds out that she is not quite what he had expected...
And I had to watch the last scene once more to fully grasp the story – I realized, watching it the second time, that Karthik was not actually smiling, and he walks away… I would say the camera should have made this clearer… the angle from which it was filmed leaves some ambiguity… This is actually a very important detail… if Karthik smiles, then the story has a very different meaning altogether…

And, interiors… think of coffee shops… I do go to coffee shops regularly, not for the coffee though… it’s for the atmosphere… the furniture, the lighting, the music, the general ambience, etc. It all goes together to create the right kind of warmth for people to have relaxing conversations, etc. You could have shown us some long/wide-angle shots of the interior of Desmond’s to establish the atmosphere of that scene more strongly.

Overall, visual quality of the camera was good – good definition, vivid colours (I felt there was a preponderance of reddish hues), but I felt that the camera could have worked more closely with the artists – as I said, by showing us things that the dialogue cannot tell us.

Sound quality, recording, editing, etc. was good – crisp. Music – good, but too much use of synthesizers… I felt acoustic guitar might have been more appropriate at certain points…

And, as a general storytelling technique, I have found that it is important to ask the question, “What were the characters doing before the story?”, i.e. if they hadn’t met, what would they be doing? Karthik, at the start of the film, was talking to someone on the phone, and he told them “he knows it’s urgent”… You can tell us just a little bit more about that… adds to the detail and therefore adds to the realism… And “What did they do after the story?” Life goes on, even after the emotions burn out (but the memory remains, and can add a certain colour of its own). It would be nice to know where the characters were two years later…

But of course this is a short film, with constraints of time, logistics, budget considerations, etc. And you are the writer/director/creator of this story, your interpretation was probably completely different… please don’t be offended by my comments… forgive me if I got it unacceptably wrong… I have no film-making experience, but I tried writing some short stories a little while ago, and I know how it is… sometimes I had ideas which I thought were interesting, but not enough time or energy to develop things fully, so I had to abandon my efforts…

And sorry if my comments are unhelpful…




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[uzfuvebano]

Bipolar,

I am not at all offended.. on the contrary I am flattered that you analyzed the film to this extent and came up with so many suggestions. in this day and age, time is at a premium, so the fact that you spent so much time on this feels good! you probably also got so absorbed that you forgot this is my first attempt at film-making...

Your interpretation of the story from POV of main characters is accurate. one thing I wanted to convey that might not have come out correctly was that she was not looking for an affair. she was impressed by the attention he paid her and on an impulse decided to prolong the experience by inviting herself to his house for coffee. at that time she did not realize the implications of what she was getting into.

I will try to respond to your other points.

some of the dialogs, especially the original note she wrote was from the book. hero's addition "I too..." was my own. I wanted to convey that he understood her completely and did not try to play the victim, or consider her a bad woman. The comment on IR was a thought that really crossed my mind when I was enjoying one of his songs.. and I decided to use it. plus it gave an opening to reveal that she had never fallen in love before. I am fine that you did not like the dialogs.. you cannot please everyone!

I feel there was not enough time to build up common interests between them. that would have spoiled the story... plus as it is there was too much conversation and not enough action.

I don't think it would have helped showing her as annoyed at the start. I envisioned her as a guileless and innocent character, a class woman beautiful inside and out, and very comfortable in her skin. i.e. not someone who dresses up in the latest fashion to impress others.

Preethi means love in Kannada. that's why I used that name.

I am not sure if showing Karthik's face at the end would have helped. He revealed his thoughts in the note and walks away with no hard feelings.

since this is my first film, it was definitely a learning experience. I was director, production manager, and set boy at the same time. writing the script is just half the battle. making a film requires a lot of planning and good assistants to help. I did not have much time to pay attention to detail or reshoot some of the scenes that did not come out the way I wanted. due to lack of planning for nighttime lighting, we could not also shoot some scenes that I wanted when they were in the moving car, or when they were walking to where he parked his car. so we ended up shooting a lot of the dialogs when they were in the stationary car at the signal.

In any case, thanks again. I hope to do better at my next attempt.