titanic in bollywood

[sweetoo]

Have you ever wondered what would be in "Titanic" if the same was made in
Bollywood? The name of the movie would be "Goa to Bombay". Well here it goes!

* Madhuri has to be Rose and who else but Shahrukh as JJJJJ JJJ Jack.
Madhuri's fiance would be Gulshan Grover who mutters "bad man" everytime he
sees Shahrukh.

* Amitabh Bacchan would make a guest appearance as the Ship's captain and
would be waltzing with Madhuri during the party. Of course, he would not die.

* Shahrukh will be travelling with his sister and 5 other chamchas from
college plus 50 extras who are well trained with every dance sequence in the
world.

* The movie would only last for 7 hours. Thanks to great piece of editing,
there would be only 22 songs in the movie out of 30 in CD album.

* The ship would be overflowing with extras whom you normally find in movies
that have a court scene full of people or a slum full of aam-janta. The ship
will start sinking, not because of the iceberg but because of excessive on-
board population.

* The infamous lovemaking in the back seat of the car would be replaced with
a song in the Swiss Alps.

* Best friend of Shahrukh will save his sister from being raped during chaos.
The sister will instantly fall in love right after this and she will also get
a song or two.

* Remember Rose changing her mind about jumping into the water? In our case,
Madhuri changes her mind, since...since... the ship is moving along a creek
and the water stinks!

* How can we forget the painting scene? Shahrukh would be painting Madhuri's
portrait with Madhuri fully covered minus the locket (Censors yaar!). This is
to be followed by a dance number, with extras of course, in a art gallery.

* Shahrukh would eventually find his long lost mom Aasoo Devi on the ship.
Only during the climax would Aasoo(tears) Devi tell Shahrukh about how Gulshan
troubled them. Shahrukh would then yell, "Kutte mein tera khoon pee
jaaoonga". (i will kill u).The ensuing fight would only last for an hour.

* There would be an antakshari for the "drowners" conducted by Annu Kapoor
instead of the trio playing the violin.

* Most important!! The number of times the word "Bachaoooo" would be yelled
would be a record in the history of cinema.

And the masterpiece would be waste of time...ooops waste of money too

[Cindy]

and how about if taken in Kollywood.. the hero wud be Dhanush and wont be alone of course.. as in Kollywood the rule is that the hero should have a side kick (you can choose from the list.. Vivek, vadivelu, karnas..or that fat short chap with muttaikkannu who was there in jeyam and rainbow colony)...

[madhu]

Hi !

who will be the heroine in kollywood ?

[Mad Max]

and how about if taken in Kollywood.. the hero wud be Dhanush and wont be alone of course.. as in Kollywood the rule is that the hero should have a side kick (you can choose from the list.. Vivek, vadivelu, karnas..or that fat short chap with muttaikkannu who was there in jeyam and rainbow colony)...

The hero would be either Rajini or Vijayakanth.

Either way the movie will have a happy ending because the hero will save the ship in the following ways:

Vijayakanth as the hero:

When the ship approaches the iceberg, vijayakanth will cut his hand and let a drop of his blood fall in the sea (cf - gajendra, where it was revealed that you can light cigarettes with Vijayakant's hot blood). The super heat from his blood heats up the sea and melts all the icebergs. There is steam all around from the melted iceberg which leads to a dream like song with the heroine with wispy steam clouds floating around.

In an alternate storyboard version, Vijayakant stares at the iceberg and the intense heat from his stare melts the iceberg.

Rajini as the hero:

It is a well known fact that when Rajini points his finger at the sky and does circular stirring motions, an intense whish-whish sound comes out. This is really a supersonic-ultrasonic sound combination which shatters one of the icebergs to pieces. There were totally 100 icebergs and now 99 are still standing. Then Rajini says: "Naan oru thadave sonna nooru thadave sonna maadhiri!". Hearing this the remaining icebergs shatter. The ship passes thru the sea unscathed.

The captain of the ship will be Vijayakumar, who holds regular panchayat meetings under a makeshift tree on the ship's main deck. The heroine wil be a mentally unstable girl and is really Vijayakumar's granddaughter (but he does not know it). When the iceberg shatters, a shrapnel will hit her on the head and she will be cured of her amnesia and mental illness. There will be a joyous reunion, which leads to a ... song! All is well that ends well.

[Mad Max]

There was a (unintentionally) funny thread in the old hub where a serious Dhanush fan was canvassing for Dhanush to be cast as the next James Bond following Brosnan's exit. The OP was very serious, but some of the responses were hilarious.

One person suggested:
Dhanush - James Bond
Kanthimathi - Bond's boss "M"
Kovai Sarala - Miss Moneypenny
Kallapetty Singaram - "Q"
Kumarimuthu - The villain

Now that would be an interesting movie to watch. :P :P

[NOV]

reminds me of the nonsense I wrote in 1997. Some things just live on......
(read if you have nothing better to do.


Maniratnam's latest outing - Chidambaram (written 1997)

Maniratnam is known for converting popular incidences into celluloid: from Karnan to Thalapathi, from MGR’s life story to Iruvar and Hindu-Muslim clashes to Bombay. For his next venture, he is planning to bring to the screen, a tragedy of the early 80s, which is expected to be the most expensive movie ever produced in India, complete with computer graphics and reconstruction of a huge set, not to mention a song sequence in a far-out place.

The main actors for this movie are Murali, Sushmita Sen, Prakashraj and Srividya.Of course the greatest challenge for a present-day movie maker, is to do one WITHOUT Manivannan! Music will be by AR Rahman with lyrics by Vairamuthu.

A brief outline of the movie. Murali is a talented singer (what else?) from the slums in Malaysia. At a local dance competition, he wins the top prize - a trip to India. In the meantime, wealthy Prakashraj has come to Malaysia for the hands of ravishing Sushmita Sen. Their wedding is arranged to be held in India and the two of them together with Sushmita’s mum, Srividya are set to travel. Due to the threat of a bomb (a sub-plot), the passage of the plane to carry them is aborted. Prakashraj then decides to travel by ship instead - first class suites, of course! Murali also travels on the same ship, but in the lower decks.

During the voyage, we learn that Srividya is from the Raaja-parambarei, but is now on the verge of bankruptcy. The marriage with Prakashraj, who is rich but without the honour, is crucial for the well-being of Srividya and her daughter. We also learn that Sushmita hates the idea of marriage, but under the circumstances, has little choice. Rather than going through a loveless marriage,Sushmita decides to commit suicide and would have done so, if Murali hadn’t seen her. Sushmita, through a very sad song (rendered by Sandhya) explains her situation to Murali. At the end of the song, both Murali and Sushmita are atop the stern of the ship. Feeling sorry for her, he invites her to the lower decks to show her how life is to be lived. At the lower decks, Murali, unexpectedly starts singing, and voila everyone there become dancers, with Sushmita eventually joining them!

Prakash comes to know of this evil deed and forbids her from leaving her room.Murali is framed for a theft he didn’t commit and is handcuffed to his bed by the evil supervisor. (In a dream sequence, Murali takes Sushmita to the moon and serenades her. Vairamuthu pens the lyrics, describing Sushmita as the various faces of the moon. But that is not all. For the first time in the history of mankind, actual shooting for a movie will take place on the moon!!! The title of this song is Kannamkonda vennilaa. The US Astronomical society is sponsoring this section of the movie.)

And then tragedy strikes!!! For those who remember, Chidambaram’s lower deck burst into flames due to a kersone-stove explosion and all the third-class lives were lost. This is cleverly reconstructed by Maniratnam.

How the fire completely destroys the lower deck, killing everyone in the process, and the last moments of Murali’s life aboard the ship, is best seen on the silver screen. Sushmita lives to the ripe old age of 40 on the money earned from selling the diamond, which was pupotedly stolen by Murali. True to Indian tradion, she remains unmarried of course.

[Cindy]

WOW..WOW

I knew there are ppl who know kollywood better than me... thats y left the story at that point..

good going..

99 icebergs????? ha ha ha ha

[Mad Max]

WOW..WOW

I knew there are ppl who know kollywood better than me... thats y left the story at that point..

good going..

99 icebergs????? ha ha ha ha

Hehehe Thanks Cindy!

I could have written more as I had some more hilarious ideas, but did not have the time. If you ever visited the old hub, you would have noticed that my brand of humor is usually dark and ominous, but I wrote this piece just for a change of routine.

[scorpio]

Really hilarious to read NOV's Manirathnam-titanic and Madmax's Captain titanic.

I think these should be preserved in 'Jokes' thread.

Good going guys!!