Hub Awards 2011 Results - Hindi Films

[groucho070]

Sh!t, Plum. How did you know I was the one who wrote all of those damn script of his? On with the results....

Sincerely,
Grouchcat.

[Plum]

First to wave us an ostentatious bye bye is the two-category-nominee, a man known for his ostentatious sets, creepy melodrama, a gargantuan vision - wait, grouch was on the money when he invoked VTR right? - yes, the one and only Sanjay Leela Bhansali, that feminist who chose his mother's name as his middle one. The name, I mean.

Violin crescendo please. Gregorian chants, start. Loud discordant notes as our friend walks away mouthing long winded urdu dialogues against a background of bluish black sky with opulent, golden-lighted, Jasmine-covered palaces in the foreground. Crying, with a lonely dog to accompany, drowning in his bottle. Bye, Bye, then, SL Bhansali, with your 4.17% of votes. Dont bother to come back next year. We intend to find out who voted you, and weed him out of HUB. Isn't that cheap Bangla liqour tasty? Yeah, so much for your exotic taste.

[Plum]

Alright, now comes the difficult part. SLB was easy meat. How do I get flippant about Rahman(Cant risk Rahman fans' wrath)? Or, Amit Trivedi(thats worse, Rahman fans' wrath plus Jaiganes's)?

Let's look at the third guy. Must be a relief. Surely, I am going to find sarcasm material in the third nominee?

Oh no.... that's Vishal Bharadwaj. You know what, I will close the announcement here. Vishal got 96%. Case Closed. Can't risk my own wrath.

(phone rings...)
Ah, yes, NOV. Understood, NOV. Shall do, NOV.

Ok, boss says announcers can't rig the results. Some technical snag I believe. I am going to claim refund from Azhagiri Training Institute for that "100 ways to rig poll results to what you want as results" course.

Pesky democratic norms means I have to sadly announce that Vishal Bharadwaj is eliminated with 12.5%. Must have a private chat with P_R. What use being moderator if you cannot rig polls to your favourite?

[Plum]

Eh, groucho's Cat?
meowwww

Ah! I knew you'd have a pearl of wisdom to say about the results. Thank You.

For the second time in a week, I have been arm-twisted by NOV to announce a result where Rahman is not the winner. What's your scheme, Gov?
makkaLE, idhukkellAm nAn poRuppillai. edhuvA irundhAlum Malaysia pOi pEsikkunga. I am a mere pawn in NOV's hands.
( No, Ajay! Not like that! Rest easy!)

Rahman - presumably retired from the business of award-collection - seems to have somehow got that through his fans' skulls just in the nick of time to stop his votes at 37%, just enough to graciously let someone else win.

[Plum]

And the winner, if you hadn't already worked it out, smart people that you are, by the law of elimination, is....

A M I T T R I V E D I

For percentage of votes, you do the math. I cant do everything for you

Read and memorize. You'll hear a lot more of that name in the coming years.



[PLACEHOLDER] Jigina work around the photo by our own in-house web-designer Littlemaster[/PLACEHOLDER]

[PLACEHOLDER] Cemetry for Plum. Lynched by Rahman fans, thanks to the cunning and scheming old man, NOV's plot. RIP. Last wish: Epitaph to be written by Malaysia's finest obituary writer- Mr Groucho @Rakesh(Named after the Roshan Scion).
[/PLACEHOLDER]

[groucho070]

[PLACEHOLDER] Cemetry for Plum. Lynched by Rahman fans, thanks to the cunning and scheming old man, NOV's plot. RIP. Last wish: Epitaph to be written by Malaysia's finest obituary writer- Mr Groucho @Rakesh(Named after the Roshan Scion).
[/PLACEHOLDER]

Inthanggo, bill-u Ooottandu kudutudunggo:

Here lies Plum,
Symbol of glum,
Being so dumb,
to go against mighty ARR fans, appove sonnen, vaanaa vaanaanu, keetaara, ippo parungga enna nilamainu, ayagooo....

[Plum]

evLO vambukkizhuthAlum pidivAdhamA yArumE reply paNNa mAtrAnga.

sOtthula kallu dA! yArAvadhu saNdaikku vAngadA! Thread aduththa pagekku pOgONum!

[NOV]

A qucik review

Hub Awards 2011 Results - Hindi Films


Best Hindi Actor - Vivek Oberoi

Best Hindi Actress - Kajol Devgn

Best Hindi MD - Amit Trivedi

Best Hindi Director - Dibakar Banerjee


Best Hindi Film -

[groucho070]

Can someone leash the cat, goddam feline....

Anyway, back again to announce

Best Hindi Film

My favourite category…not.

Interesting thing to note that three of the titles nominated here have English in their titles, which goes on to show that while the other languages try their best to reject Hindi, the Hindi folks turned their back and look at Hollywood’s direction.

First on the list shows that Hindi folks weakness in Mathematics, look at that title, One Two Ka Four and Peepli Live which is probably about a living and breathing Peepli or Peepli died and has come back to haunt the teen kids. No? How would I know? Next, you have Love Sex Aur Dhoka, and I assume Dhoka means “as a result we will have to start saving for that offsprings college money now”.

Next on is the patriotic Tere Bin Laden which rides on 9/11 paranoia, and is an evidence to the irrefutable fact that anything that tickles Hollywood, Bollywood aims to do it.

Ending the list is Guzaarish and Udaan, the latter is spelled the same way Indians in Malaysia pronounce the Malay word for prawn*.

*Udang. More Malaysian crack, suck on it.

[P_R]

Best Film

SLB's evocative saga Guzaarish was tied with One Two Ka Four - a classic so timeless that it earned votes now a full decade after its release. They pocked 6.25% of the votes apiece.

Dubutant director's films Udaan, Tere Bin Laden and Peepli Live garnering 12.75% votes each.

With a whopping 50% of the votes Dibakar's Bannerjee's Love Sex aur Dhoka romps home, doing it again and again, riding the crest, mounting Indian film on the global stage and paving the way for journalist to do to death the phrase: coming of age.