A Brief Study on the Significance of Thaali among the Tamils

[virarajendra]

Author: Virarajendra

A Brief Study on the Significance & Practices in respect of Thaali among the Tamils





Thaali - a symbol of Marital Status

“Thaali” in (Tamil) or Mangalyam or “Mangala Sutra” in (Sanskrit) - among Tamils and Indians is a "symbol" that signifies to the World the “Bond” into which a Man and a Women have entered into - by way of love marriage or arranged marriage - with “mutual understanding” and “mutual acceptance” of each other “as they are”, with further promises of loving and caring for each other “at all times” and “under all circumstances” throughout their life time, and in satisfying each other's natural - biological needs from time to time, and in the creation of offsprings in continuation of their generation.

In TamilNadu the earliest forms of "Thaali" was a piece of Ka-rhi Manjal (not Kasturi Manjal), tied with a piece of Manjal Kayiru (a white string applied with Ka-rhi Manjal paste).

Subsequently the “Ka-rhi Manjal piece – Thaali” was replaced by a “small pendent type Gold – Thaali” inscribed with religious symbols, hanging from the same Manjal Kayiru.

To those who could afford, the Manjal Kayiru too became a Gold Kayiru known as Kodi. Since the Gold Thaali was hung from the Gold Kodi it was also known as the “Thaalikkodi.”

However whether it is a Manjal piece Thaali or a Gold Thaali - in a Manjal Kayiru, or a Gold Thaali - in a Gold Kodi - socially Thaali avoids the unwanted glances, unwanted moves and unwanted remarks by the 'other unscrupulous men' at Married Women wearing them. According to Tamil traditions the Thaali alerts all men to 'respect and give much dignity' to the women who wears them.

Present Practices in respect of Thaali

Today we observe a new trend among "some" Tamil Women especially those wearing gold Thaali with gold Kodi, to keep them in the Bank Vaults and be without them while going to work or on their normal social visits to their Friends and Relatives.

Only when they have to attend special functions such as Weddings of others etc, they take them from their Bank Vaults, wear for the occasion and then keep them back again in their Bank Vaults.

But the agony of the whole issue is that there are some young Women who remove the Thaali "just within very few days" after their Wedding and keep them in the Bank Vaults.

This 'nullifies the very significance of the Thaali' and reverence with which they were tied by the Men around the neck of their 'to be Wives' - even after the couples have mutually consented and accepted each other whole heartedly before their marriage - at the Religious Rituals witnessed by many of their Family Members, Relatives & Friends, conducted on the grand occasion of their “Ceremonial Wedding Function” incurring much financial expenses.

Forced tying of Thaali by Men on Women

But a "Thaali" tied "by force" by a Man on his own - on a Woman without her or her Parent’s whole hearted consent and acceptance - should not be given its "Symbolic Reverence of Matrimony", but just thrown away into the “dustbin”.

A woman should not think such "Thaali" tied forcibly around her neck has put an end to her bright happy life she dreamt, and that it is a “padlock” set on her to be bound to a totally unaccepted man of her life - entirely against her or her Parent’s wishes and that her dream world has come to an end, but break the ‘padlock’ by throwing away the "Thaali" and declare herself free, unless she is legally engaged to him, in which case she has to free herself by way of legal procedures.

Authorities assumed by In-Laws on the strength of the Thaali

It is to be noted that Thaalikkodi is not a "symbol" that gives "authority" to the Husbands to hurt their Wives mentally and physically, illtreat and abuse them, to the vims and fancies that pleases these Husbands, suppressing the freedom of acts and even the speech - of their Wives" as seen in many Tamil Families.

Also the Thaalikkodi tied by the Husband around their Wife's neck doesnot provide any privilege or authority to the Husband's Mother or Sisters - to control, enslave, harrass, order, or physically or mentally hurt his Wife as seen in some Tamil Families of date.

The Thaalikkodi tied around the Wife's neck "doesnot give any authority" to the Husband's - Mother and Father from "restraining"(bullying) the Daughter-in-Law from going to see her Parents, stating that once married she must always think in terms of the "Puhuntha Veedu" and not the "Pirantha Veedu", and her Parents too from visiting frequently the In-Law's place to see their Daughter. (This is an acute social problem always met in Koottu Kudumbams in Tamil Families).

In this modern age it is much recommended for the Husband and Wife to 'plan to stay seperately on their own' immediately after their marriage - where the Husband and Wife have the freedom in visiting their repective Parents whenever they wish, and the both side Parents too could freely visit their daughter's or son's residence with no restrictions from either side "Sammanthi" (In-Laws), and be entertained very well equally.

Equally the Wedlock with the tying of the Thaali doesnot provide any authority to the "Husband or Wife" too - among themselves to restrict each other's desire to visit their respective Parents whenever they so desire. It should be noted that how important his Parents become to the Husband, so is the 'great importance' her Parents become to the Wife.

Disposal of Thaali at the time of Divorce & Death of the Husband

Once a Husband and a Wife are legally “divorced” under any circumstances, the Thaali should be rightly be given back to her ex-Husband.

If the Thaali is with the Wife after divorce, it keeps on reminding her of the past - miserable days and unhappy events - with her ex-Husband, and make her remain very heartbroken, without her accepting the reality and forgeting the past, and forging a new and a happy life for herself.

Also it is a sense of pride to a women to reject the "Symbol" of her matrimony and send it back to her ex-husband, when she herself is rejected by him for ever, and legally divorced.

If the Husband in a Family dies it is customory that the Wife removes the Thaali “on her own” at the Funeral Ceremony and kept on the dead body of the Husband as a mark of respect to him who tied the Thaali on her, and later taken and kept in the safe custody of herself. The Nasty “Village Practices” in some areas of Tamil Nadu where the Female Relatives forcibly plucking the Thaali from the Wives neck and breaking of the Bangles should be done away with in these modern days.

If the Husband in a “united happy family” dies, there are some traditions still prevailing, that the Wife does not sell out the Thaali, but melt same and make a ring, chain etc and hand it over to their daughter or son, to ensure the core of the "Symbol" of their love to each other and happy married life for years, should not go into the others hands, but be within the family.

Trust the foregoing will kindle the thinking of many on the significance of the Thaali.

[NOV]

Great job, but why brief?

[pavalamani pragasam]

Great! In this age of changing perspectives and new 'liberated' minds a courageous article!!!
I recall a scene in an old film I saw as a kid: T.M.Mathuram with some revolutionary anger toys with the idea of removing her thaali and N.S.K. sings 'thaali peNNukku vEli'. There is profound truth in this line which is not realised by the mewly emancipated womenkind!
I'm used to be being branded asan old-fashioned, orthodox nag!!! Least bothered about it. Not being a sentimental fool to believe fully thaali protects husband's life and other such exaggerated sanctity about thaali I nevertheless am sensible enough to acknowledge the 'extra' significance of thaali which no other ornament shares in giving meaning, dignity and sanction to a couple's standing in society. But alas, the society is fast disintegrating!
I also recall another incident, a bit comic and practical: long ago when we were living in the housing unit quarters ladies of our block assembled on the eve of Margazi 1st to discuss plans for drawing kOlam in front of our block. The young lady across our door related with humour how her husband gave her permission to join the fun but on one condition:'iruttula keeza iRangi kOlam pOdappORathunnaa thaaliyai kazatti vachchittu thaaraaLamaa pOyittu vaa'. Words of wisdom weighing in gold!!!
The fashion of kal mugappu introduced in the small screen serials some years ago is fast catching up!!!(including me! )

[virarajendra]

Thanks for whoever who has inserted the colour photo in my thread, which was kept open by me for the further editing. Is it Mr NOV ????

[NOV]

Yes it is, Mr. Virarajendra
Pls go ahead and edit as you deem fit.

[NM]

I love the post, VR.
I suppose I am quite old fashinoned - i love the thaalikodi and don't believe in removing it and putting it on for occasions but i know of people who do even after 20 years of marriage . My mom wore it on manjal jayiru but she got allergic to the manjal and changed it to kodi. I did too as I am allergic to manjal but am contented with what i have now...

[pavalamani pragasam]

Allergy to manjaL is understandable- a couple of my close relatives are also allergic to it. But 'allergy' to the concept of wearing thaali is ununderstandable to me!

[NM]

Allergy to manjaL is understandable- a couple of my close relatives are also allergic to it. But 'allergy' to the concept of wearing thaali is ununderstandable to me!

PP ma'am, athu understand panrathukku innum oru maamaangu pOganum

[P_R]

Allergy to manjaL is understandable- a couple of my close relatives are also allergic to it. But 'allergy' to the concept of wearing thaali is ununderstandable to me!

[rajraj]

and changed it to kodi. I did too as I am allergic to manjal but am contented with what i have now...

You should go for platinum kodi !