US and THEM

[thilak4life]

Nice.

I'm inclined to go a bit tangential now.

Is arranged marriage a faux-pas? The short exchanges before the decision, they don't really give you the picture. Do they? Then again it depends. Is it mental or physical stimulation you're looking for..

And all this when "likes and dislikes" are themselves overrated as steps to understand a "person".

I agree. But again, You need not understand the person, and still have a relationship for the "likes and dislikes", and live together. you get aroused by some quality so to speak..

And yes, that excerpt from "Love Poem for a Wife" is a honest reflection in deed.

[complicateur]

The mathematical analogy I was trying to make was to heighten the absurdity. "Tell me about yourself" is such a stumper. You can't quite answer that in a remotely satisfactory way. In fact as you form an answer you surprise yourself. "I am x...I like y" etc. and in the background you are going " really ?....hmm... not that sure". And all this when "likes and dislikes" are themselves overrated as steps to understand a "person". But it is not just capitalism that has us believe this. It is a soft target. It is just the human urge categorize, enumerate, to order for ease of understanding and absorption.

Completely understand your reason for the quip Prabhu and agree that capitalism is a soft target. The reason I brought that quote up was not to re-inforce my own opinion on the subject. Just that quite coincidentally just a couple of nights before your post I had an extensive chat with an acquaintance on the vagaries of marriage and consequently monogamy.

Tilda Swinton came up over the course of conversation as a result of her rather non-traditional relationship and we uncovered that quote from her. Not surprising considering her allegiance to communism. We (meaning my conversation partner and myself) obviously had opinions that differed with her and between ourselves as well. It just seemed oddly appropriate to bring up the quote in relation to your characterization of self as a "consumer" in a market space.

When faced with absurd questions such as the one you mention above I am often tempted to get lost in extrapolations and caveats, sometimes even in a job interview much to the detriment of my fiscal entity. In a social situation, one assumes that the constructs being less rigid gives one more leeway to elaborate. But the truth is one ends up a cat with balls of twine, running in all directions trying to tie up loose ends without opposible thumbs. I am unable to stop laughing (or crying - same thing really) when I hear dialaak's like "oruththara oruththar nallA purinjukittOm" and all that.

Leaves me with a question. Is it intellectual elitism to deny someone else's prerogative to classify us as "x who likes y"?

From AK Ramanujan's "Love Poem for a Wife", it can be distractingly shocking but conceptually he just nails it:

Probably only the Egyptians had it right:
their kings had sisters for queens
to continue the incests of childhood
into marriage.

Brilliant lines - distracting only if one is unable to see beyond the literal.

Nice.

I'm inclined to go a bit tangential now.

Is arranged marriage a faux-pas? The short exchanges before the decision, they don't really give you the picture. Do they? Then again it depends. Is it mental or physical stimulation you're looking for..

Thanks Thilak. The term "arranged marriage" is a misnomer. There may be an arranged wedding at best.

I agree. But again, You need not understand the person, and still have a relationship for the "likes and dislikes", and live together. you get aroused by some quality so to speak..

Compatibility-ngrathu enna-naa......

[P_R]

much to the detriment of my fiscal entity.

But the truth is one ends up a cat with balls of twine, running in all directions trying to tie up loose ends without opposible thumbs.

As Raju would say...nyAbagam vachigirEn....engiyAvadhu adchchu udrEn

Is it intellectual elitism to deny someone else's prerogative to classify us as "x who likes y"?

Yes. But man should fight being reduced to a blurb and resist all attempts at categorization.

In Madurai District Central Library I once found History of Cricket categorized under History ! I won't be surprised if "Birth of a Nation" was categorized under gynaecology and obstetrics !

Epigraph to GV.Desani's "All About H. Hatterr".

Indian Middle-man (to Author): Sir, if you do not identify your composition a novel . how them do we itemize ? Sir, the rank and file are entitled to know.
Authir (to Indian Middle-man): Sir, I identify it a gesture. Sir, the rank and file are entitled to know
i.m.m : Sir, there is no immediate demand for gestures. There is immediate demand for novels. Sir, we are literary agents not free agents
Author: Sir, I identify it a novel. Sir, itemize it accordingly

[thilak4life]

Compli,

"arranged wedding" it is.

Compatibility-ngrathu enna-naa.....

... I said this need not always be the case.

I said "still have a relationship for the "likes and dislikes", and live together. you get aroused by some quality so to speak.."

Admittedly a risky egjample, I saw this film Unnale Unnale today. I'm tempted to bring it into this context. Vinay isn't really "compatible" with Sadha, while he gets along very much with Tanisha mukherjee, the exact antithesis of Sadha. But Vinay still urges for the arrogant ever-so-doubting Sadha. This isn't inexplicable really.

Let's take "arranged wedding", I know few guys(especially fellow software coolies) who yearn to go abroad, simply because they could get better looking girls. However ugly it sounds. Few people look for physical stimulation from a relationship. Then there are others who would prefer a girl who could engage in Kierkegaard aesthetics and Dostoyevskian fixation. There is a lovely short story "The whore of Mensa" by Woody Allen which has tarts who do intellectual intercourses for money.

[complicateur]

In Madurai District Central Library I once found History of Cricket categorized under History ! I won't be surprised if "Birth of a Nation" was categorized under gynaecology and obstetrics !

.

PR: It seems Desani was just as concerned with the well being of his fiscal entity .

Is it intellectual elitism to deny someone else's prerogative to classify us as "x who likes y"?

Yes. But man should fight being reduced to a blurb and resist all attempts at categorization.

I read the "Yes" very matter-of-factly and started

Compatibility-ngrathu enna-naa.....

... I said this need not always be the case.

I said "still have a relationship for the "likes and dislikes", and live together. you get aroused by some quality so to speak.."

Admittedly a risky egjample, I saw this film Unnale Unnale today. I'm tempted to bring it into this context. Vinay isn't really "compatible" with Sadha, while he gets along very much with Tanisha mukherjee, the exact antithesis of Sadha. But Vinay still urges for the arrogant ever-so-doubting Sadha. This isn't inexplicable really.

Let's take "arranged wedding", I know few guys(especially fellow software coolies) who yearn to go abroad, simply because they could get better looking girls. However ugly it sounds. Few people look for physical stimulation from a relationship. Then there are others who would prefer a girl who could engage in Kierkegaard aesthetics and Dostoyevskian fixation. There is a lovely short story "The whore of Mensa" by Woody Allen which has tarts who do intellectual intercourses for money.

Thilak,
The open endedness of my repartee' was in light of both the ambiguity and my lack of understanding of this term (compatibility) that has inherited some sort of implicit meeting. avvaLavE.

And risky example indeed. But I guess the point being discussed is not so much explicability as the need for things to be explicable. "She has a certain je ne sais quoi" is just as common a refrain as "we have so much in common".

And thanks for that short story tip - have looked it up for later reading. I guess a question to ask as related to your coworker example is - What is the level of confidence they have in their choice of stimulus ?

[equanimus]

Few people look for physical stimulation from a relationship. Then there are others who would prefer a girl who could engage in Kierkegaard aesthetics and Dostoyevskian fixation.

Clementine: Joel, I'm not a concept. Too many guys think I'm a concept, or I complete them, or I'm going to make them alive. But I'm just a f*cked up girl who is looking for my own peace of mind. Don't assign me yours.
Joel: I remember that speech really well.
Clementine: I had you pegged, didn't I?
Joel: You had the whole human race pegged.
Clementine: Hmm. Probably.
Joel: I still thought you were going to save my life, even after that.
Clementine: Mmm. I know.

On a different note, I'm somewhat disappointed at the mild disdain towards, ahem, "arranged" marriage. But I guess it needs to be addressed rather eloquently. :P

Complicateur,
Accept my apologies for mini-hijacking the thread. EdhO thUkkak kalakkaththula post paNNittEn. I'll sink myself into your story and wash off the misdeed.

[complicateur]

Eq.: I like the visual metaphor for mini-hijacking. And hijack away without guilt. While it is appreciated if you do take the time out to peruse the story and provide feedback, there is as such no "pollA janangaL" catharsis requirement to participate in the discussion.

P.S: While I look forward to you polemic piece on the perceived disdain towards arranged marriage, where was it that you sensed the disdain in the discussion?

[thilak4life]

What is the level of confidence they have in their choice of stimulus ?

One should look in context of "arranged weddings". I'm going to get a girl whom I may have not met. A good-looking girl would be some consolation. Social construct, and natural instinct(s), etc... Generally, The confidence level is higher in "arranged weddings".

[thilak4life]

Few people look for physical stimulation from a relationship. Then there are others who would prefer a girl who could engage in Kierkegaard aesthetics and Dostoyevskian fixation.

Clementine: Joel, I'm not a concept. Too many guys think I'm a concept, or I complete them, or I'm going to make them alive. But I'm just a f*cked up girl who is looking for my own peace of mind. Don't assign me yours.
Joel: I remember that speech really well.
Clementine: I had you pegged, didn't I?
Joel: You had the whole human race pegged.
Clementine: Hmm. Probably.
Joel: I still thought you were going to save my life, even after that.
Clementine: Mmm. I know.

On a different note, I'm somewhat disappointed at the mild disdain towards, ahem, "arranged" marriage. But I guess it needs to be addressed rather eloquently. :P

Trust me it is quite insignificant on a broader scale. :P

Love or arranged marriage debate is tiring. I don't know how many times it boils down to statistical assumptions, and subjectivity. Darn the Post modern relativism. "if the boot fits, then wear it".

Then there is always an element of uncertainty about the "other". The "ideal" soul-mate is reserved for Pigeons. Humans are complicated, right? So there is no perfect "marriage". Oh, what a profound observation I've made. :P Personally, I'm fine with Humans finding (or trying to find) happiness, love and solace in their own ways (rape, homicide, pedophilia, serial killers don't count).

[equanimus]

Trust me it is quite insignificant on a broader scale. :P

Love or arranged marriage debate is tiring.

Yes. That's exactly the point I was trying to make. To put it bluntly, prachanai ellAm oNNu dhAn. Eloquent essay cancel.