Krishna Where are you?!

[Shakthiprabha.]

I dont know which thread to share these thoughts. Hence chose this thread. This is ofcourse my conversation with my daughter. This is not a professionally written story, but just an amateurish, shabbily written conversation only to be shared here.

_______________


Long ago, when I was 13 years or lil more my mom celebrated krishnashtami.

She would play bhajan song, I would listen to it and happily help her in her chores of making cheedais. In some book (may be gokulam for kids) I read a story of a boy actually waiting for krishna to come and eat snacks and savouries, and HE DID SEE krishna, though others just dismissed his version as kid's immatured talk.

I decided, I would also go out and sit in the steps and wait for him. MAY BE I CAN SEE HIM, and convince others I did see krishna coming and eating Food. I waited from 5ish to 6.ish and almost till 7. Krishna did not seem to come. I was dissapointed. I went in to check if cheedai etc was intact. Obviously as my dad, mom had tasted a lil, the quantity was less.

LO! I was 100 percent convinced KRISHNA DID COME and eat cheedai. Just that I could NOT see him

I tried silently sneaking in at 12 midnight to see him and I could not.

Every year, claiming I am agnostic, somewhere deep down my urge to peep into the pooja room at 12 midnight has not vanished. I still peep in and NO. KRISHNA IS NOT THERE.

And then... we grow up ... stop believing or questioning the exitence of god! ...

Its all science, Krishna is just cluster of energy particles, who, when invoked may come. But it needs utmost devotion.

Ah ! Krishna he still keeps slipping me!
Who is he? Whats his nature. I am yet to grasp him.

Many years have passed and today, (my daughter as like other kids loves krishna) I celebrated my krishnaashmi with Vaish.

"amma krishna nijama varuvara"

"amaam vaishnavi, but he would come only at night 12 or so, when we are all asleep and U CANT SEE HIM (I dont want her to be dissapointed like me) ! "

then I made all cheedais, sweets, vadais, etc etc (with vasihavi peeping in often to see wht is happening, and constantly questioning what all krishna likes )

then I draw the feet. Small lil cute ones.

After one hour, Vaishnavi is calling me....

"amma amma kitchen vanthu paaru, u did not draw feet in the kitchen and there are 2 feet like structures there"

me:

and there it was... in the shape of foot, but did not look like its drawn, small foot, with some pattern. I did not draw it. How did it land up there?

I was so thrilled for 2 mins or so, then my rational mind started investigating. I soon found, vaish's house slippers had lil marks of foot which I had drawn.

So there it is she has stepped on and went into the kitchen too.

Vaish...its ur slipppers.

" I DID NOT wear it and go in. I REMEMBER. "

" okei vaish "

"oh my god, look at ur cheedais amma, quantity is less, he has EATEN IT"

" okei"

"amma, really he has come "

( I smile)

"but where is he"

(alright I dont wanna spoil a child's belief)

"oh he is invisible to human eyes vaish, u cant see him"

(then she goes in to pooja room, kisses krishna ) "did u really come krishna"

"oh he might have ...now leave it vaish"

"I am sooooooooo happy ma, krishna came to our house, FIRST before everybody's house he came here "

"hmm "

________

"Then can I eat my cheedai and appam now? "

"yeah"

(after 5 mins...)

"wowww vaishnavi see how soft the appams are! Do u like it? "

"yes amma verrrrrrrrrrry soft, I told u know krishna came...HE MUST HAVE LICKED IT"



"whaaaaaaaaaaaat"

"ofcourse thats why its soft"

"hmmm "

"then why is the seedai not soft"

"seedai he eat with teeth how can it be soft, for appam he has used his tongue"

Me thinking (this imagination is unbelievable )

"amma which god created u"

(stumped again)

"eh not sure...u see god is one..."

"but u said, one god takes diff form, which form made u"

" u better ask ur patti "

"which god did I come from"

"ur name is vaishnavi, so vishnu's sister vaishnodevi created u" (god plz ...whats happening)

"ah... vishnu means"

"vishnu means krishna"

"so krishna also blessed me when I was born"

"yeah"

"how did they bless me"

"uh... just saying nice things I supp"

"NO! they must have kept their hand on my hand and blessed me"

"YOU ARE RIGHT (what-more-now look I give pathetically) "

"see... I KNOW "



" sEe, thats why I LOVE KRISHNA, and he loves me too"



"thats why HE CAME TO OUR HOUSE FIRST"

"alright alright go watch cartoon "

"amma"

"ippo enna"

"krishna kku rukmini thaan wife-a"

"yeah and sathyabama too"

" "

"Why vaish whats up now?"

" Radha loves Krishna, Krishna loves Radha, they make a great pair"

" yeah Ive heard u tell it before. I know u are upset that he did not marry radha (this conv took place 2 years back) "

"radha makes krishna laugh and krishna make radha laugh"

"yeah yeah i know u are not very happy with krishna's decision not to marry radha"

amaam amma.... cha...krishna and radha only are nice... together!

" What shall we do now? "

" po amma! "



" naama parka mudiyatha krishnava? ... if I see him, I WILL FORCE HIM to marry radha"

"sari sari...tv paaru"

....

A song kept ringing in my mind...

"பிறந்திருந்த போது நெஞ்சம் திறந்திருந்தது..
அந்த பிள்ளை நெஞ்சில் தெய்வம் வந்து குடியிருந்தது
வளர்ந்து வந்த போது நெஞ்சில் மயக்கம் வந்தது
அங்கு வாழ்ந்திருந்த தேய்வம் கொஞ்சம் விலகிக்கொண்டது"

I am still searching for my krishna... and he is easily accessed by kids!!!!

children have faith. What about me? Where did I lose it? Can I ever get back?

"kuzhanthaiyum deivamum gunathaal ondru...."

All I can do is...sing!

[sivank]

prabha. Good one. Vaishu va kaila thooki vachu konjanum pola irukku

[Shakthiprabha.]

Naan romba konjiten already.
I felt so sweet sivan

[crazy]

akka

[NOV]

nice SP

[Shakthiprabha.]

crazy, nov

I am still wondering how innocent children are!

And thats one reason god is with them!

[madhu]

hayya..

ippavAchum kutti pAppAs pathina uNmaigaLai purinjukitteengaLE

[Shakthiprabha.]

You are talking about PAAPPAS!

I insist its not vanished completely even in boys/girls (not pappaas)

It takes almost early teens and couple of years more to see the innocence waning.

[madhu]

You are talking about PAAPPAS!

I insist its not vanished completely even in boys/girls (not pappaas)

It takes almost early teens and couple of years more to see the innocence waning.

'
NO ! :P

innaikkum kutti krishnan kudikka pAlAdaiyil vaikkiRa pAl kuRaiyudhu..

nambinAl avan kaNdippa varuvAn....

( just hear meerA songs of MS without any disturbance..

andha brindhAvanam appadiyE unga munnAdi varum..

appuRam kutti kaNNan vara evLo nEramAgum ..

I am sure.. he will come .. sandhEga padAdheenga )

[Shakthiprabha.]

hmmm