~~LOve Story~~

[crazy]

[Sinthiya]

hmmm.....

[cancer]

Chapter Ten


United States of America - a country which considers itself as a big brother to all other countries, a country which has become the destination of almost every software engineer, a country which is full of opportunities, a country which is poor in heritage but rich in money, a country where you can find a mix of each and every country in the world. Of course everyone knows what USA is. It needs no introduction. People come here with dollar dreams in their eyes. But, what about me?



"How is USA?" Priya asked me when I called her.

"I don't know" I said. "It’s very cold here. So, I did not get an opportunity to go and look around"

"How is your work?"

"Work is good though it’s not much different from what I do in offshore" I said.



I call Priya everyday. I miss her very much. Without Priya I feel as if I am left alone in this big continent. I am not myself when I entered USA. I left myself with Priya. Now it’s only me. Just me. The only hope I have is that one day she will come here and we can relive those golden moments together.



"How is your love story going?" my roomie Avinash asked one day.

"How do you know about it?" I asked.

"I heard it. Rahul is a good friend of mine." he said.

"I am gonna kill this person next time when I see him" I said.

"Too late my friend. The whole Pune DC knows about your story" Avinash said laughing.

"Its nothing like that" I said. "We are just good friends"

"Don't try to fool me. The way you talk with Priya, the time you spend thinking of her... I can easily say that you are in love with her. You miss Priya very much. Am I correct?"

"Yeah. I miss her very much" I said.

"Does she know that you love her?"

"No and please don't start all over again asking me to propose to her. It’s a long story" I said.



After I came to USA I thought of proposing to her once or twice. But the idea never took shape. Meanwhile, I learned how to play guitar. Priya likes music very much. When I meet her, I want to surprise her by playing her favorite tunes on the guitar. I became punctual. In Pune, she was always behind me teaching me what to do and what not to do. I just want to become an ideal person which she always wanted me to become.



May 17th, 2005.



Four months passed by. One day I asked my Project Manager whether I can get a leave for one month so that I can go to India.

"What?" my Project Manager Praveen asked.

"I need a leave for one month" I asked.

"But why?" he asked. "Is everything fine back at home?" he asked.

"Everyone is fine" I said.

"It has been only six months since you came here. Why do you want to go to India?" he asked.

"It’s something personal" I said. "Please, I need a leave for one month"

"I am sorry" he said. "I cannot send you back in the middle of a project unless there is a proper reason" he said.

I did not speak. I cannot reveal the reason to him.

"If you go back now, you will have to go back permanently. I cannot grant you leave but I can send you back to offshore" he said.

"No problem" I said. "That's even better for me"

It’s better to stay in India with Priya rather than staying here at onsite without her.

"I need some time. I need to identify resources to replace your position in the project" he said.

"Thanks Praveen. Thank you very much" I said.



I went back to home with full of happiness. I never thought that my project manager would approve this so easily. I went to him with a little hope of getting one month leave. But got more than what I wished for. I will be going back to India. I will be meeting Priya. Yes... I will be meeting Priya. That day I had a sound sleep for the first time since I came to onsite.

[crazy]

[cancer]

Chapter Eleven


May 17th, 2005.



"I am coming to USA" Priya said when I called her.

"When and where?" I asked.

"In a month" She said. "I got admission in Harward University"

"That's great" I said. "Harward is in Boston which is only one and half hour drive from here."

"Cool" She said.



I did not expect that golden days will come so soon. Priya is coming to USA. And that too, she is coming to Boston which is very close by. I could not believe it. I can meet her every weekend. Even I can meet her everyday. Its just one and half hour drive from my place. I am the happiest person in the world.



One month passed by like one second. I went to airport to receive Priya. I saw her after five months. I cried with happiness. We went to Harward School of Business. What can I say about Harward? The hostel, the classrooms, the library, the canteen, each and every building of Harward is simply amazing. The students who are studying seemed to be like future CEOs of multi national companies. And here, my Priya is going to be one of them.



May 17th, 2005.



It’s the first weekend for Priya in USA. I took her to the New York City. New York has always represented United States for many years. Even a small kid can identify USA by seeing the picture of Statue of Liberty. There are many places to visit in New York like Empire State, Brooklyin bridge, Times Square, Madame Tussade museum, Intrepid… The list is endless. But Statue of Liberty always stands high among the attractions.



"It’s the right time for expressing your love" Vinod said.

"But…"

"Don't think. Just say it to her. Everything will be fine"

"Thanks Vinod" I said."Today I will tell her. You need to help me in this"

"I am always there for you. Tell me what you want"

"How shall I propose her? I have not made any preparations"

"Don't worry. Just listen to me. If you love someone truly, there is no need of any preparations. Just tell her what you want to say. Just tell her how much you love her. Just be yourself. That's enough. Your heart will speak for yourself. There is no need of any preparation"



Vinod's advice filled me with courage and confidence. For the first time, I felt that I am not going to fail in this attempt. Love needs patience but at the same time Love also needs courage. If you don't have enough courage to express yourself, your love always remains incomplete.



Priya is taking the photographs of Statue of Liberty.

"Priya.."

"What?" she asked.

"I want to say something to you today which I should have told you long time ago"

"What is it?"

I took her hand in mine. I kissed her hand.

"I Love You" I said. "Please don't ask me how much I love you. I cannot explain it in words. I can only say that I love you more than myself. I love you more than anyone can love you" I said and closed my eyes.

I waited. There was a long silence. I opened my eyes slowly. Priya is not there in front of me. I looked around. She's standing at a distance. I went to her and saw that she's crying.

"Priya... What happened? I am sorry if I hurt you..."

"You idiot... Why did it take so long for you to say a simple three letter word?" she said and hugged me.



That's the most beautiful moment in my life that I will never forget. I have accomplished my mission. Now I have no worries in my life. I have Priya with me.



Suddenly Vinod came running to me shouting "Aaryan... Aaryan"




Vinod came running to me shouting "Aaryan... Aaryan... Aaryan... Aaryan... Aaryan".

I opened my eyes. Avinash is calling me.

"What happened? Why did you spoil my sleep?" I asked.

"Your offshore has called. They said they will call you back in another ten minutes" he said.

I did not listen to him. Thoughts filled my mind



"What a beautiful dream I had. Priya came to USA and I proposed to her. It can't get better than this. At least I told her in my dream. But I learned one thing from this dream. Love needs patience but at the same time Love also needs courage. If you don't have enough courage to express yourself, your love always remains incomplete. I must express myself before Priya. Priya accepted me in my dream and she will accept me in real also. I felt as if I got enough confidence to tell her. Nothing can go wrong now. I will tell her. Her birthday is on July 22nd, the day when I first tried to tell her but failed. I will tell her on the same day but this time I will not fail"



I did not make any preparations. I did not even try to think of what I would say to her. I just want it to happen the same way it happened in the dream. Of course she will not be in New York. But I just want to repeat the same thing I told her in my dream. I will tell her that I love her and wait for her response. Her birthday, the July 22nd will be an end to our friendship and beginning for our Love Story, a complete love story.

[crazy]

[cancer]

May 30th, 2005



"How was your vacation?" I asked.

Priya went to her native place for two weeks as she goes there every year for the local festival of their village. I did not talk with Priya for two whole weeks.

"Good" she said.

"It’s been two weeks since we have talked" I said.

"Hmmm. What did you do these two weeks?" She asked.

"Nothing. I want to say something to you" I said.

"Is it? I also want to say something to you"

"What is it?" I asked.

"You tell me first, then I will tell you" she said.

"No.. Ladies first. So, you tell me. I will tell after you"

"No way, you have to go first. Otherwise I am leaving right now" she said smiling.

"OK.. OK.. I will tell first. The news is that... I passed my license test and I got my driving license. Now I have American Driving License" I said with pride in my voice.

"That's great news. Now you can buy a car" she said.

"Yes" I said. "Now What news do you have?"

"Actually It all began a few months ago. I thought of telling you. But I did not tell you. But now the time has come to tell you" she said.

"What is that?" I asked. Is she going to propose me?

"It’s regarding my engagement. Me and Rajesh got engaged last Thursday. We are getting married on 2nd of July" she said.

"What? You are kidding" I said. I could not believe what she's saying.

"I am not kidding... you dumbo. I am serious" She said.



I did not speak. I did not expect such a jolt. My mind went blank. I rubbed my eyes. I pinched myself. Is it some dream again? It’s a dream. Come out of it. I slapped myself again. But nothing happened. It’s not a dream. What I heard is true. Priya is getting engaged. Why? Why good things happen only in dreams? People hate having bad dreams. But, Now I feel its better to have a bad dream rather than the same bad thing happen in your life.



"Congratulations.." I said. no other word got into my mind.

"But" she said. "I am not happy with this marriage"

"You are not happy? Why? What happened?" I asked.

[cancer]

Chapter Thirteen




"I am not happy with this marriage" Priya said.

"Why? What happened?" I asked.

"Nothing... Leave it"

"Tell me what happened. Are you not happy with the bride?"

"No, it’s not the matter" She said

"What is the problem then?" I asked.

"Marriage is the biggest occasion which occurs only once in a life time. You are my best friend and when I am going to get married you are not here" she said. "Will you come to my marriage?"



Priya's marriage itself is a biggest shock to me. Now she is asking me to come and attend the marriage. What can I say? How can I say to Priya that I love her? Now all the doors are closed. By the time I gained the courage and confidence to say, it’s too late. I cannot disappoint Priya by saying it now. I cannot spoil her happiness. I did not answer to Priya.



"What?" Avinash asked.

"Yes.. Priya is getting married" I said.

"Come on man. You still have a chance. Go and tell that you love her" he said.

"No" I said. "I cannot tell her. I cannot spoil her happiness"

"Have you gone mad? You say that you love her but you are just simply doing nothing if she is getting married with someone else. What kind of person are you?"

I did not answer.

"Why don't you answer me?" Avinash asked me. "It seems that you don't love her"

"Stop it" I shouted. "I love her very much. I love more than anyone in the world". Tears are flowing down my eyes. "It’s my fault that I did not tell her. It’s my fault that I expected her to love me. It’s my fault that I developed hopes on her. I don't want to punish her for my faults by telling her now that I love her and force her to come with me. You don't know what love is. Love demands sacrifice. True love never expects anything in return. I Love her. It means that I care for her. I am there for her at all times. It does not mean that she must also love me" I said.

Avinash did not say anything.

"Do you know why Rose is considered the symbol of Love?" I asked.

"Because it’s beautiful" he said.

"It’s because it’s beautiful. You feel it and enjoy it by holding it gently. Once you try to grab it, the thorns beneath it will hurt you. You cannot grab it. If it’s not yours, let it go but never try to grab it" I said.

"I am sorry" Avinsash said. "So, what are you going to do now?"

"Nothing" I said. "What can I do now?"

"You should have told her long back"

"No. Now I feel better that I did not tell her"

"What do you mean?"

"Listen." I said. "She just treats me as a good friend. She does not love me. If I would have told her, she would have become upset. Our friendship would have ended there itself. At least she is a good friend now"

"I understand" Avinsash said.



It’s Priya's marriage time. She must be very happy. But, what about me? Now I don't want go to India any more. If I go back to India, the memories of Priya will haunt me. I cancelled my leave. I told my parents that I got an urgent project work and will come to India later. I had to convince my PM to cancel my leave and stop him sending me to offshore.



People say that Love is blind. Yes... Love is blind because once you are in Love you no longer see the world with your eyes. You see the world through the eyes of the person you Love. You feel the joy, the pain, the happiness, the sorrow and every moment of the person you Love in your eyes. Your eyes no longer reflect your heart. They reflect the state of the person you Love. They speak the language of your loved ones. They carry the tears of them to see happiness in their eyes. Priya is happy and that is all what I want.

[cancer]

Chapter Fourteen




True Love happens only to a privileged few. I am lucky to be in that group. I have experienced the warmth of love. I have felt that passion deep in my heart. I realized the happiness one feels in Love. But Is Love always a happy path? The person I love is in India making her marriage plans. I am here sitting in USA with the golden memories of her. What do you say? Am I lucky or unlucky to be in this privileged group?



Love is the most fascinating, most wonderful and the most beautiful thing. It gives a new meaning to your life. It makes you forget all the worries in the world. It keeps you happy even if you have the load of the whole world on you. It injects into you the energy to stand against the universe for the person you love. It does not care any barriers or obstacles in its path. It’s only one side of the coin when everything ends happily. On the other side, Love has the power to take the meaning out of your life. It makes you the most unlucky person in the world. It makes you so weak that each and every moment of your life turns into hell. It brings you to a dead end where each every road for happiness is closed. So, what is Love? I don't know what love is but now I am experiencing the other side of love.



Hari Priya - I am unable to forget her. Whenever I see a girl, I see Priya. Whenever I see a couple, I see Priya and me in them. I can feel her everywhere and every minute. Whenever I am alone, I think of her. I could not able to mingle with people as before. I was here physically but my mind and heart was with Priya. I sit before her picture on my laptop and look at it for hours. I don't cry anymore as I don't have any tears left in me. I feel myself lost in some distant world.



Priya comes into my dreams. She laughs at me, she teases me, she plays with me, she scolds me for being late, and she comes close to me and runs away from me. I want to be in the dreams where I can be with Priya, where I can sit beside her, where I can talk to her, where I can hold her hand in mine and assure her that I am there for her. But for a dream, the most necessity thing is to sleep. But I am uable to sleep. The bitterness of the truth does not allow me to sleep. It’s a torture one cannot describe in words. Only the person who feels it knows it.



Sometimes I feel that I still have a chance. Some where deep in my heart a voice says that Priya also loves me. Sometimes I feel tempted to propose to her. But at the same time I feel that it’s too late now and I have no chance left. I don't know what to do. It’s a fight between the mind and the heart. One day I got so frustrated and tempted that I called her. When I heard her voice, the other side of me took over and I was unable to speak a single word. I can feel the split personality in me. It’s a fight between me and myself.



"Your productivity has decreased" My PM said one day. "Business folks raised an issue about you saying that you don't respond properly in the meetings. What happened to you?"

"Nothing Praveen. Just not feeling well now a days" I said.

"If it continues, I am afraid I need to take necessary action and you may need to fly back to India"

"I will try to do my best" I said.

"If you improve, It’s good for all" Praveen said.



Why is this happening to me? I could not concentrate on work. My career is getting ruined. I am spoiling my health. This is all just because of one girl whom I don’t know that she even exists two years ago. Is this necessary? Is this called Love? They say that Love is a beautiful thing. But if it’s a beautiful thing, why is it torturing me like this? If this is called Love, I don't want love. Why can't I live without her? I can live without her. I was very happy before she came. If she doesn’t care for me, why should I? I am not going to call her any more. I am not going to think of her any more.



Even a single mail in the morning with even a single letter in it encourages me to spend the whole day with hope and happiness. Whenever I call her and here her voice, I forget myself. I want to talk to her continuously for hours. I want to be with her. From such a stage, now I am thinking of completely ignoring her and avoiding her. She has no right to change my life. I CAN LIVE ALONE.



But is it Possible..? Can I live without her? Only time can tell.

[cancer]

Chapter Fifteen



I did not call Priya. I wanted to prove to myself that I can live without Priya. I am trying to get used to the bitter truth. I am trying to live practically. I am trying to take over my heart with my mind. But however I try, I cannot escape from truth. Priya called me one day.


June 26th, 2005


"Hi Aaryan, What happened to you? Where did you go?" Priya asked.

"Nothing.." I said.

"Why did not you call me? You totally disappeared. You don't respond to my mails. You don't come online while I keep waiting for you at the cyber cafe"

"I was just busy with work" I said. I don’t want this phone call to continue for long.

"Leave it. Are you coming to my marriage?" Priya asked.

I always skipped giving answer to this question by saying something or the other whenever she asked this question.

"How is your marriage plans going?" I asked.

"First answer my question" She said. "You always try to bypass this question. Are you coming to my marriage or not?"

"I don't know" I said. "I did not decide yet. It depends on my project work"

"What do you mean by you did not decide? I can understand that you have project work and all. It’s too much from me to ask you to come to my marriage. But you are not even trying to answer my question. You are not talking to me nicely now a days. It seems that you are not happy with my marriage.."

"No.." I said.

"Don't lie to me. I can hear it in your voice"

"There is nothing like that Priya" I said. "Why do you think I am not happy with your marriage?"

"I see that you are not same as before. You seem to behave differently from the day I told you about my marriage. What happened?" she asked.

"Nothing like that. I just got busy with the work and it’s taking toll on me" I said

"Are you sure?" She said.

"Yes" I said. I could not able to speak. I can feel the emotion ready to burst into tears.

"Are you sure that it’s the work and not my marriage?" She asked again.

"Yes" I shouted back. "How many times do I need to tell you? Don’t you understand? Now please do me a favor. Never ask this question again and never call me again" I shouted at her and switched off the phone.


What does she think? Why does she torture me like this? Why did she come into my life? I want to forget her. I want to get back my olden days, I want to go back to the days before I met her. I want to want to go back to the days when I used to enjoy the beauty of bench. I want to get rid of the pain of her departure. I want to get rid of the pain that I cannot live without her. Someone please help me...


"I shouted at my Priya" I told Avinash.

"Why? What happened?"

"I don't know. I was just trying to avoid her" I said.

"You need a vacation" Avinash said.

"May be you are right. I need a break. I need some time to forget Priya"

"Let's go for a vacation. How about Florida for July 4th long weekend?"

"Not a bad option" I said.

"Let's plan for it" Avinash said.


Though I tried forget about the incident, I could not able to forget it. The thought that I shouted at Priya made me feel very bad. I shouted at my own Priya. Why did I do that? I tried to call Priya on her mobile. I want to apologize to her. But she did not answer my call. I kept trying whole day but she did not respond to my call. I don't know what happened but deep inside I felt something has gone terribly wrong.