A joke per day...keeps the doctor away!

[NOV]

I got 100% marks? whats so funny?

[viraajan]

I got 100% marks? whats so funny?

neenga buthisaali. ungala madiri varuma

//eppadi ellam samaalika vendi irukku

[directhit]

Happy Birthday
Two guys were talking at work.

"I’ve got a problem," said the first one.

"What is it?"

"My wife has done it to me again. I’m supposed to buy my mother-in-law a present for her birthday, from the two of us. And I am fresh out of ideas. I mean it’s HER mother, why can’t she buy it?"

"What did you buy her last year?" the other one asked.

"Last year I bought her a VERY EXPENSIVE cemetery plot."

"Hmmmm, hard to top that one," said the other.

The two guys couldn’t come up with anything. So the son-in-law didn’t buy his mother-in-law anything for her birthday.

When the big day arrived the next weekend, she was a bit upset. At the family gathering for her birthday, she announced out loud to everyone, "Thank you all for the wonderful gifts. Too bad my daughter and son-in-law weren’t so thoughtful!"

Thinking quickly, the son-in-law responded, "Well, you haven’t used the gift I gave you last year!"

[vibinrajmani]

GRADUATE LIFE

A grad student, a post-doc, and a professor are walking through a city
park and they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes
out in a puff of smoke.

The Genie says, "I usually only grant three wishes, so I'll give each of
you just one."

"Me first! Me first!" says the grad student. "I want to be in the
Bahamas, driving a speedboat with a gorgeous woman by my side." Poof! He's gone.

"Me next! Me next!" says the post-doc. "I want to be in Hawaii,
relaxing on the beach with a professional hula dancer on one side and a
Mai Tai on the other." Poof! He's gone.

"You're next," the Genie says to the professor.

The professor says, "I want those guys back in the lab after lunch."

[rangan_08]

Husband : When I fight with you, you never fight back. How do you control your anger ?

Wife : I clean the toilet.

Husband : How does that help ?

Wife : I use your tooth brush.

[directhit]

Only 3 times

Sam & Becky are celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary and Sam says to Becky "So, Becky, I was wondering... Have you ever cheated on me?"
Becky replies, "Oh Sam, why would you ask such a question now? You don’t want to ask that question"

"Yes, Becky, I really want to know. Please..."

"Well, all right, 3 times"

"3, hmmm, well when were they?"

"Well, Sam, remember when you were 35 years old and you really wanted to start the business on your own and no bank would give you a loan. Remember, then one day the bank president himself came over the house and signed the loan papers, no questions asked... Well..."

"Oh, Becky, you did that for me! I respect you even more than ever, to do such a thing for me. So when was number 2?"

"Well, Sam, remember when you had that last heart attack and you were needing that very tricky operation, and no surgeon wanted to touch you. Then remember how Dr. DeBakey came all the way up here to do the surgery himself and then you were in good shape again... Well...."

"Oh my God! Becky, you should do such a thing for me, to save my life... I couldn’t have a more wonderful wife. To do such a thing, you must really love me darling. I couldn’t be more moved... So, all right then, when was number 3?"

"Well, Sam, remember a few years ago, when you really wanted to be president of the congregation.... And you were 47 votes short...."

[directhit]

Young Salesman

A married woman is having an affair. Whenever her lover comes over, she puts her nine year old son in the closet. One day the woman hears a car in the driveway and puts her lover in the closet, as well.

Inside the closet, the little boy says, "It's dark in here, isn't it?"
"Yes it is," the man replies.
"You wanna buy a baseball?" the little boy asks.
"No thanks," the man replies.
"I think you do want to buy a baseball," the little extortionist continues.
"OK. How much?" the man replies after considering the position he is in.

"Twenty-five dollars," the little boy replies.
"TWENTY-FIVE DOLLARS?!" the man repeats incredulously, but complies to protect his hidden position.

The following week, the lover is visiting the woman again when she hears a car in the driveway and, again, places her lover in the closet with her little boy.
"It's dark in here, isn't it?" the boy starts off.
"Yes it is," replies the man.
"Wanna buy a baseball glove?" the little boy asks.
"OK. How much?" the hiding lover responds, acknowledging his disadvantage.
"Fifty dollars," the boy replies and the transaction is completed..

The next weekend, the little boy's father says "Hey, son.
Go get your ball and glove and we'll play some catch."
"I can't. I sold them," replies the little boy.
"How much did you get for them?" asks the father, expecting to hear
the profit in terms of lizards and candy.
"Seventy-five dollars," the little boy says.
"SEVENTY-FIVE DOLLARS?! That's thievery! I'm taking you to the church right now. You must confess your sin and ask for forgiveness", the father explains as he hauls the child away.

At the church, the little boy goes into the confessional, draws the curtain, sits down, and says "It's dark in here, isn't it?"

"Don't you start that crap in here," the priest says.

[directhit]

New York Year 2032
A father and his son are walking the Manhattan streets when the father stops at a vacant lot, takes a deep breath and tells his son: "To think that at one time here on this very lot stood the Twin Towers."

The son looks at his father and asked: "Dad, what are the Twin Towers?"

Father says: "My dear son, the Twin Towers were two tremendously tall buildings with lots of offices that were the heart of the United States, but approximately
31 years ago, several Arabs destroyed the buildings."

The boy then thought for a minute and then asked his
father: "Daddy, what are Arabs?"

[directhit]

Wise Old Man
A wise old gentleman retired and purchased a modest home near a junior high school. He spent the first few weeks of his retirement in peace and contentment. Then a new school year began. The very next afternoon three young boys, full of youthful, after-school enthusiasm, came down his street, beating merrily on every trash can they encountered. The crashing percussion continued day after day, until finally the wise old man decided it was time to take some action.
The next afternoon, he walked out to meet the young percussionists as they banged their way down the street. Stopping them, he said, "You kids are a lot of fun. I like to see you express your exuberance like that. In fact, I used to do the same thing when I was your age. Will you do me a favor? I'll give you each a dollar if you'll promise to come around every day and do your thing."

The kids were elated and continued to do a bang-up job on the trashcans.

After a few days, the old-timer greeted the kids again, but this time he had a sad smile on his face. "This recession's really putting a big dent in my income," he told them. "From now on, I'll only be able to pay you 50 cents to beat on the cans."

The noisemakers were obviously displeased, but they accepted his offer and continued their afternoon ruckus. A few days later, the wily retiree approached them again as they drummed their way down the street.

"Look," he said, "I haven't received my Social Security check yet, so I'm not going to be able to give you more than 25 cents. Will that be okay?"

"A freakin' quarter?" the drum leader exclaimed. "If you think we're going to waste our time, beating these cans around for a quarter, you're nuts! No way, dude. We quit!" And the old man enjoyed peace and serenity for the rest of his days

[directhit]

Phone Line
A young businessman had just started his own firm. He had just rented a beautiful office and had it furnished with antiques.
He saw a man come into the outer office. Wishing to appear the hot shot, the businessman picked up the phone and started to pretend he had a big deal working. He threw huge figures around and made giant commitments.

Finally he hung up and asked the visitor, "Can I help you?"

"Yeah, I''ve come to activate your phone lines."