A joke per day...keeps the doctor away!

[NOV]

A man and his wife receive a letter from their daughter who went to study overseas:

My beloved Parents, I miss you so much. I don't know when I'm coming home, but it seems not anytime soon. It breaks my heart to think that by the time I get back you'll be too old. So enclosed you will find a bottle of a potion I have invented. It will make you young, so when I return you'll be the same age as I left you.

NOTE: "Please take only one drop"
I repeat: "Please take only one drop ony"

So they open the envelope and in it there is a bottle with a red potion..

The wife looks at the husband and says: "You go first."

So the husband opens the bottle and takes a drop, thereafter the wife follows. Indeed they do turn 5 years younger.

A year passes and the daughter returns home to find her father young and charming, cradling a baby on his arm.

The father proceeds to tell his daughter how the potion worked and made him look young.

The daughter is delighted and asks about her mother.

"Your mother, my child, got so jealous that I was young and good-looking, so she drank the whole bottle."

"So where is she?"

"Oh see, I am carrying her."

[chevy]

hahaha

[directhit]

Vatican debate
Several centuries ago, the Pope decided that all the Jews had to leave the Vatican. Naturally there was a big uproar from the Jewish community. So the Pope made a deal. He would have a religious debate with a member of the Jewish community. If the Jew won, the Jews could stay. If the Pope won, the Jews would leave. The Jews realized that they had no choice. So they picked an elderly aged man named Moishe to represent them. Rabbi Moishe’s Latin wasn’t very good - in fact, he knew very little--but he was a man of great faith and well respected in the Jewish community. The pope agreed. What could be easier than a silent debate?

The day of the great debate came. Moishe and the Pope sat opposite each other for a full minute before the Pope raised his hand and showed three fingers. Moishe looked back at him and raised one finger. The Pope waved his fingers in a circle around his head. Moishe pointed to the ground where he sat. The Pope pulled out a wafer and a glass of wine. Moishe pulled out an apple. The Pope stood up and said, "I give up. This man is too good. The Jews can stay."

An hour later, the cardinals were all around the Pope asking him what happened. The Pope said: "First I held up three fingers to represent the Trinity. He responded by holding up one finger to remind me that there was still one God common to both our religions. Then I waved my finger around me to show him that God was all around us. He responded by pointing to the ground and showing that God was also right here with us. I pulled out the wine and the wafer to show that God absolves us from our sins. He pulled out an apple to remind me of original sin. He had an answer for everything. What could I do?"

Meanwhile, the Jewish community had crowded around Moishe. "What happened?" they asked. "Well," said Moishe, "First he said to me that the Jews had three days to get out of here. I told him that not one of us was leaving. Then he told me that this whole city would be cleared of Jews. I let him know that we were staying right here." "And then?" asked a woman. "I don’t know," said Moishe. "He took out his lunch and I took out mine."

[NOV]

Confusing Chinese Names

Caller : Hello, can I speak to Annie Wan (anyone)?


Operator : Yes, you can speak to me.


Caller : No, I want to speak to Annie Wan (anyone)!


Operator : You are talking to someone! Who is this?


Caller : I'm Sam Wan (Someone). And I need to talk to Annie Wan (anyone)! It's urgent.


Operator : I know you are someone and you want to talk to anyone! But what's this urgent matter about?


Caller : Well... just tell my sister Annie Wan (anyone) that our brother Noel Wan (no one) was involved in an accident. Noel Wan (no one) got injured and now Noel Wan (no one) is being sent to the hospital. Right now, Avery Wan (everyone) is on his way to the hospital.


Operator : Look if no one was injured and no one was sent to the hospital, then the accident isn't an urgent matter! You may find this hilarious but I don't have time for this!


Caller : You are so rude! Who are you?


Operator : I'm Saw Lee (Sorry).


Caller : Yes! You should be sorry. Now give me your name!!!

[NOV]

Why Chinese shouldn't have Christian names:

Anne Chang => Dirty (Mandarin)

Anne Chin => Keep Quiet (Mandarin)

Faye Chen => Dusty (Mandarin)

Carl Cheng => Buttock (Hokkien)

Monica Cheng => Touching your buttocks (Hokkien)

Lucy Leow => You are dead (Hokkien)

Jane Tan => Frying eggs (Mandarin)

Suzie Leow => Lose till death (Hokkien)

Henry Mah => Hate your mum (Mandarin)

Corrine Tai => Poor fellow (Hokkien)

Paul Chan => Bankrupt (Mandarin)

Nelson Tan => Bird laying eggs (Mandarin)

Leslie Tong => Rubbish Bin (Mandarin)

Carmen Teng => Leg hair long (Hokkien)

Connie Mah => Call your mother (Cantonese)

Danny See => Squeeze you to death (Hokkien)

Rosie Teng => Screws and nails (Hokkien)

Pete Tsai => Nose droppings (Hokkien)

Macy Koh => Never die before (Cantonese)

[directhit]

A woman announces to her friend that she is getting married for the fourth time.

"How wonderful! But I hope you don't mind me asking what happened to your first husband?"


"He ate poisonous mushrooms and died."


"Oh, how tragic! What about your second husband?"


"He ate poisonous mushrooms too and died."


"Oh, how terrible! I'm almost afraid to ask you about your third husband."


"He died of a broken neck."


"A broken neck?"


"He wouldn't eat the mushrooms."

[Querida]

A successful businessman flew to Vegas for the weekend to gamble. He lost the shirt off his back, and had nothing left but a quarter and the second half of his round trip ticket -- If he could just get to the airport he could get himself home. So he went out to the front of the casino where there was a cab waiting. 
He got in and explained his situation to the cabbie. He promised to send the driver money from home, he offered him his credit card numbers, his drivers license number, his address, etc. but to no avail. The cabbie said (adopt appropriate dialect), "If you don't have fifteen dollars, get the hell out of my cab!"

So the businessman was forced to hitch-hike to the airport and was barely in time to catch his flight. One year later the businessman, having worked long and hard to regain his financial success, returned to Vegas and this time he won big. Feeling pretty good about himself, he went out to the front of the casino to get a cab ride back to the airport. 



Well who should he see out there, at the end of a long line of cabs, but his old buddy who had refused to give him a ride when he was down on his luck. The businessman thought for a moment about how he could make the guy pay for his lack of charity, and he hit on a plan. 



The businessman got in the first cab in the line, "How much for a ride to the airport, " he asked? "Fifteen bucks, " came the reply. "And how much for you to spend the night with me too?" "What?! Get the hell out of my cab." The businessman got into the back of each cab in the long line and asked the same questions, with the same result. 



When he got to his old friend at the back of the line, he got in and asked "How much for a ride to the airport?" The cabbie replied "fifteen bucks." The businessman said "ok" and off they went. Then, as the drove slowly past the long line of cabs the businessman gave a big smile and thumbs up sign to each driver.

[Lambretta]

Geez, I wonder if SG-based chinese who have all english names know this!

Why Chinese shouldn't have Christian names:

Anne Chang => Dirty (Mandarin)

Anne Chin => Keep Quiet (Mandarin)

Faye Chen => Dusty (Mandarin)

Carl Cheng => Buttock (Hokkien)

Monica Cheng => Touching your buttocks (Hokkien)

Lucy Leow => You are dead (Hokkien)

Jane Tan => Frying eggs (Mandarin)

Suzie Leow => Lose till death (Hokkien)

Henry Mah => Hate your mum (Mandarin)

Corrine Tai => Poor fellow (Hokkien)

Paul Chan => Bankrupt (Mandarin)

Nelson Tan => Bird laying eggs (Mandarin)

Leslie Tong => Rubbish Bin (Mandarin)

Carmen Teng => Leg hair long (Hokkien)

Connie Mah => Call your mother (Cantonese)

Danny See => Squeeze you to death (Hokkien)

Rosie Teng => Screws and nails (Hokkien)

Pete Tsai => Nose droppings (Hokkien)

Macy Koh => Never die before (Cantonese)

[Querida]

//Dig ....wow Lambretta who is the beauty adorning your avatar?//

[directhit]

In a train compartment, there are three men and a ravishing young girl. The four passengers join in conversation, which very soon turns to the erotic. Then, the young girl proposes, "If each of you will give me $1.00, I will show you my legs." The men, charmed by this young girl, all pull a buck out of their wallet.

And then the girl pulls up her dress a bit to show her legs. Then she says, "If each of you gentlemen will give me $10.00, I’ll show you my thighs," and men being what they are, they all pull out a ten dollar bill. The girl pulls up her dress all the way to her legs in full.

Conversation continues, and the men, a bit excited, have all taken off their coats.

Then the young girl says, "If you will give me $100, I will show you where I was operated on for appendicitis."

All three fork over the money. The girl then turns to the window and points outside at a building they’re passing. "See there in the distance. That’s the hospital where I had it done!"