A joke per day...keeps the doctor away!

[NOV]

Banta says I love you to his girl friend and then suddenly falls on the floor.

Girl Friend: What is this?

Banta: Oh ji, I'm falling in love!

[crazy]

A dog thinks: My owners feed me, love me, provide me with a nice house, and take good care of me ... They must be gods!


A cat thinks: My owners feed me, love me, provide me with a nice house and take good care of me ... I must be a god!

[directhit]

Three old ladies are sitting in a diner, chatting about various things. One lady says, "You know, I'm getting really forgetful. This morning, I was standing at the top of the stairs, and I couldn't remember whether I had just come up or was about to go down."
The second lady says, "You think that's bad? The other day, I was sitting on the edge of my bed and I couldn't remember whether I was going to sleep or had just woken up!

The third lady smiles smugly, "Well, my memory is just as good as it's always been, knock on wood," she says as she raps on the table. Then with a startled look on her face, she asks, "Who's there?"

[littlemaster1982]

A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly her husband burst into the kitchen. "Careful ... CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful ... CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!"

The wife stared at him. "What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"

The husband calmly replied, "I wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving."

[ajithfederer]

[Querida]

Patient to his psychiatrist: Doctor, I can't remember anything! I forgot what happened yesterday. I forgot what my car looks like. I can't even remember my own name.
Psychiatrist: How long have you had this problem?

Patient: What problem?

************************************************** ***

A man and his wife were having difficulties with their memory. A relative gave them the name of a doctor who was reputed to have great success in helping people with memory problems. They decided to go. A few weeks later they were chatting with a friend about this, and told him it was working.
The man said he was having problems with his memory also, and asked for the name of the doctor.

The husband said, "You'll have to help me here a little with my memory technique. Uh, let's see, a flower, long stem, uh, thorns....."

"Rose," the man guessed.

"That's it," the husband said, "Hey Rose, what's the name of that doctor?"

[NOV]

The phone bill was exceptionally high and the man of the house called a family meeting... On a Saturday morning... after breakfast...

Dad: People this is unacceptable.You have to limit the use of the phone.I do not use this phone, I use the one at the office.

Mum: Same here,I hardly use this home telephone as I use my work telephone.

Son: Me too,I never use the home phone.I always use my company mobile.

Maid: So - what is the problem?We all use our work telephones !!!!!

[NOV]

I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat, "Mom! That lady isn't wearing a seat belt!"

[NOV]

My son Zachary, 4, came screaming out of the bathroom to tell me he'd dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. So I fished it out and threw it in the garbage. Zachary stood there thinking for a moment, then ran to my bathroom and came out with my toothbrush. He held it up and said with a charming little smile, "We better throw this one out too then, 'cause it fell in the toilet a few days ago."

[NOV]

On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note from his mother. The note read, "The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents."