A joke per day...keeps the doctor away!

[app_engine]

TN food minister Velu wants the name 'Thamizh nAdu' to be changed to 'kalaignar nAdu'

http://www.dinamalar.com/Sambavamnew...?News_id=10983

[dev]

TN food minister Velu wants the name 'Thamizh nAdu' to be changed to 'kalaignar nAdu'

http://www.dinamalar.com/Sambavamnew...?News_id=10983

[app_engine]

From msn.com :

Cell phone in the toilet bowl? Here’s how to fix it

Your cell phone, pager or iPod has fallen into the toilet bowl, swimming pool or kitchen sink full of water. You fish it out. After you've washed your hands -- depending on the circumstance -- what can you do?

FiscalGeek offers five techniques for restoring the gadget to life in a post called "Frugal fix: Revive your cell phone or electronic devices from water damage." He starts with his "go-to" method, which involves rubbing alcohol.

Here's a short description (don't try this without reading his entire post):

Remove the battery -- immediately. Then take off the battery cover and other compartments, he says.
Submerge the device in a container filled with the alcohol for five minutes.
Let the device dry for an hour or so. "The alcohol will evaporate very quickly but be sure it's really dry," "FiscalGeek" says.
If that doesn't work after several tries, move on to the other options:

Store the phone overnight in a sealed bag of dry rice. The rice acts as a desiccant. (We'll save you the trouble of looking that up. It means "a drying agent.")
Use a Dri-Z-Air dehumidifier. He explains how.
Finally, maybe a hair blower will work.
It's worth a try to salvage the phone or other gadget. Otherwise, you're left with his final suggestion:

Smash it with a hammer and buy a new device. This one works every time.

[jaaze]

Suggestion: Don't bold the funny bit if it's going to give the whole joke away. Cos I read the bolded words first and it gave away

[app_engine]

Suggestion: Don't bold the funny bit if it's going to give the whole joke away. Cos I read the bolded words first and it gave away

I removed it

[Sarna]

While visiting India , George Bush is invited to tea with Abdul Kalam.

He asks Kalam what his leadership philosophy is.
He says that, it is to surround himself with intelligent people.

Bush asks how he knows if they're intelligent.

"I do so by asking them the right questions," says Kalam. "Allow me to
demonstrate."

Bush watches as Kalam phones Manmohan Singh and says,

"Mr. Prime Minister, please answer this question:
Your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is
not
your brother or sister. Who is it?"

Manmohan immediately responds,
"It's me, Sir !"

"Correct. Thank you and good-bye" says Kalam. He hangs up and says," Did
you
get that, Mr. Bush?"

Bush nods: "Yes Mr. President. Thanks a lot.

I'll definitely be using that!"
>

Bush, upon returning to Washington, decides he'd better put Condoleezza
Rice
to the test.
Bush summons her to the White House and says, "Condoleezza, I wonder if
you
can answer a question for me."

"Why, of course, sir. What's on your mind?"

Bush poses the question: "Uhh, your mother has a child, and your father
has
a child, and this child is not your brother or your sister. Who is it?"

Rice was puzzled and finally asks, "Can I think about it and get back to
you?" Bush agrees, and Rice leaves.

Rice immediately calls a meeting of senior senators, and they puzzle
over
the question for several hours, but nobody can come up with an answer.
Finally, in desperation, Rice calls

Colin Powell
and explains the problem.

"Mr. Powell, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and
this
child is not your brother or your sister.
Who is it?"

Powell answers immediately, "It's me, of course."

Much relieved, Rice rushes back to the White House, finds George Bush,
and
exclaims,

"I know the answer, sir! I know
who it is!
It's our Colin Powell!"

And Bush replies in disgust, "Wrong,
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

It's Manmohan Singh!"

[Sarna]

A woman writes to the IT Technical Support Guy

Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and I noticed a distinct slowdown in the overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewellery applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as NEWS 5.0, MONEY 3.0 and CRICKET 4.1. Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system.

Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.

What can I do?

Signed,




____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________
Reply

Dear Madam,

First, keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system.

Please enter command: ithoughtyoulovedme. Html and try to download Tears 6.2 and do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update. If that application works as designed, Husband1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewellery 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.

However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Silence 2.5 or Beer 6.1. Please note that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Snoring Loudly Beta.

Whatever you do, DO NOT under any circumstances install Mother-In-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.)

In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend: Cooking 3.0 and Good Looks 7.7.

Good Luck Madam!

[NOV]

It's important to have a woman, who helps at home, who cooks from time to time, cleans up and has a job..

It's important to have a woman, who can make you laugh..

It's important to have a woman, whom you can trust and who doesn't lie to you..

It's important to have a woman, who is good for you and who likes to be with you..

It's very, very important that these four women do not know each other

[Lambretta]

You will like this !!

UID Cards - our future.


Operator : "Thank you for calling Pizza Hut . May I have your..."

Customer: "Helloo, can I order.."

Operator : "Can I have your multi purpose ID card number first, Sir?"

Customer: "It's he...hold..........on......889861356102049998-45-54610"

Operator : "OK... You're... Mr Panth and you're calling from I611 Jal Vayu Towers. Your home number is 22678893, your office 25076666 and your mobile is 09869798888. Which number are you calling from now Sir?"

Customer: "Home! How did you get all my phone numbers?

Operator : "We are connected to the system Sir"

Customer: "May I order your Seafood Pizza..."

Operator : "That's not a good idea Sir"

Customer: "How come?"

Operator : "According to your medical records, you have high blood pressure and even higher cholesterol level Sir"

Customer: "What?... What do you recommend then?"

Operator : "Try our Low Fat Pizza. You'll like it"

Customer: "How do you know for sure?"

Operator : "You borrowed a book entitled "Popular Dishes" from the National Library last week Sir"

Customer: "OK I give up... Give me three family size ones then, how much will that cost?"

Operator : "That should be enough for your family of 05, Sir. The total is Rs 500.00"

Customer: "Can I pay by! Credit card?"

Operator : "I'm afraid you have to pay us cash, Sir. Your credit card is over the limit and you owe your bank Rs 23,000.75 since October last year. That's not including the late payment charges on your housing loan, Sir.."

Customer: "I guess I have to run to the neighbourhood ATM and withdraw some cash before your guy arrives"

Operator : "You can't Sir. Based on the records, you've reached your daily limit on machine withdrawal today"

Customer: "Never mind just send the pizzas, I'll have the cash ready. How long is it gonna take anyway?"

Operator : "About 45 minutes Sir, but if you can't wait you can always come and collect it on your Nano Car..."

Customer: " What!"

Operator : "According to the details in system ,you own a Nano car,...registration number GZ-05-AB-1107.."

Customer: " ????"

Operator : "Is there anything else Sir?"

Customer: "Nothing... By the way... Aren't you giving me that 3 free bottles of cola as advertised?"

Operator : "We normally would Sir, but based on your records you're also diabetic....... "

Customer: #$$^%&$@$% !!

Operator : "Better watch your language Sir.. Remember on 15th July 2010 you were convicted of using abusive language on a policeman...?"

Customer: [Faints]

[Sarna]

Chinese Name Confusion

" Good Wan! (Good One!)!!

Caller: Hello, can I speak to Annie Wan?

Operator: Yes, you can speak to me.

Caller: No, I want to speak to Annie Wan!

Operator: Yes I understand you want to speak to anyone. You can speak to me. Who is this?

Caller: I'm Sam Wan. And I need to talk to Annie Wan! It's urgent.

Operator: I know you are someone and you want to talk to anyone ! But what's this urgent matter about?

Caller: Well... just tell my sister Annie Wan that our brother Noe Wan was involved in an accident. Noe Wan got injured and now Noe Wan is being sent to the hospital. Right now, Avery Wan is on his way to the hospital.

Operator : Look, if no one was injured and no one was sent to the hospital, then the accident isn't an urgent matter! You may find this hilarious but I don't have time for this!

Caller : You are so rude! Who are you?

Operator: I'm Saw Ree.

Caller: Yes! You should be sorry . Now give me your name!!

Operator: That's what I said.. I'm Saw Ree ..

Caller: Oh .....God!!!!