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Thread: A joke per day...keeps the doctor away!

  1. #1
    Administrator Platinum Hubber NOV's Avatar
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    A joke per day...keeps the doctor away!

    Never argue with a fool or he will drag you down to his level and beat you at it through sheer experience!

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    Senior Member Devoted Hubber c4ramesh's Avatar
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    Sidney was a 14-year-old boy with an interest in the sciences. One summer day he started his own investigations. With his 12-year-old sister Sophie in tow, he caught a large bull frog in a local pond. Sidney started his experiment with the amphibian, and told Sophie her job was to write down the results of the experiment.

    Sidney drew a line in the sand, placed the frog on the line, and prodded the frog with a small twig from the rear and shouted, "Jump, frog!" The frog jumped, and Sidney measured the distance. "12 feet...write that down, Sophie," he said.

    Next, he brought the frog back to the starting point and removed the frog's right front leg. Again he prodded the frog and shouted, "Jump, frog!" The frog jumped 10 feet, and on instruction, Sophie wrote it down.

    Again the frog was brought back, the left front leg was removed, and again "Jump, frog!" Sidney reported, "Six feet...write it down."

    The next time, Sidney removed the large right back leg. "Jump, frog!" Then, he shouted "Jump, frog!" and prodded the frog. "The frog jumped 8 inches...write it down, Sophie."

    Finally, Sidney removed the frog's remaining back left leg, put it down and prodded the frog with the twig shouting, "Jump, frog! Jump, frog! JUMP FROG!! JUMP JUMP FROG!!!"

    The frog didn't jump. Sophie looked at Sidney, and said, "So what should I write down?"

    Sidney thought a moment, then told Sophie to write, "When you remove all the legs from a frog, it turns deaf."

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    Anbe Sivam

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    Senior Member Devoted Hubber c4ramesh's Avatar
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    A recently divorced woman is walking along the beach contemplating how badly treated she got over the divorce settlement, when she spies a magic lamp washing up onshore. She rubs the lamp, and out pops a magical genie!! The genie notices her anger and lets her vent her troubles to him. As a consolation, the genie informs her that he will give her three wishes. But, he cautions her that because he does not believe in divorce, he will give her ex-husband ten times the amount of whatever she wishes.

    The woman is steaming mad, thinking that this is hardly fair, but she makes her first wish. The first wish was for a billion dollars. The genie grants her wish and she finds herself sitting in pile of one billion one-dollar bills. The genie then reminds her that her husband is now the recipient of 10 billion dollars.

    The woman can barely contain her anger when she makes her second wish. The second wish was for a beautiful mansion on the shore of her own private beach. In an instant it was granted, but the genie then reminds again that her ex-husband now owns ten of what she wished for, and points at the beach to a small development of ten such mansions.

    Upon hearing this, the woman takes her time to contemplate her last wish. Just as the genie was about to give up on her, the woman informs the genie that she wants to make the last wish. But, before she can do this, the genie again warns her that her ex-husband will get TEN times what she wishes for.

    “No problem,” said the woman as she grinned in ecstasy. “For my last wish … I’d like to give birth to TWINS.”

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    Senior Member Devoted Hubber c4ramesh's Avatar
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    A guy calls the hospital. He says, "You gotta send help! My wife's going
    into labor!"

    The nurse says, "Calm down. Is this her first child?"

    He says, "No! This is her husband!"

  7. #6
    Senior Member Devoted Hubber c4ramesh's Avatar
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    When white man found this land, Indians were running it.
    There were:

    - No Taxes
    - No Debt
    - Plenty buffalo
    - Plenty beaver
    - Medicine man free
    - Women did all the work
    - Men hunted and fished all the time

    The white man was dumb enough to think he could improve on that system!

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    Senior Member Devoted Hubber c4ramesh's Avatar
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    Airman Jones was assigned to the induction center, where he advised new recruits about their government benefits, especially their GI insurance.

    It wasn't long before Captain Smith noticed that Airman Jones was
    having a staggeringly high success-rate, selling insurance to nearly
    100% of the recruits he advised. Rather than asking him about this,
    the Captain stood at the back of the room and listened to Jones' sales pitch.

    Jones explained the basics of GI Insurance to the new recruits, and then said, "If you are killed in a battle and have a GI Insurance, the government has to pay $200,000 to your beneficiaries. But, if you don't have a GI insurance and get killed in the battle, the government only has to pay a maximum of $6000."

    "Now," he concluded, "which group do YOU think they are going to send into battle first?"

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    Senior Member Devoted Hubber c4ramesh's Avatar
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    There is a story about a popular young rabbi, who on
    Sabbath eve announces to the congregation that he will
    not renew his contract and is moving on to a larger
    congregation that will pay him more.

    There is a hush. No one wants him to leave.

    Epstein, who owns several car dealerships, stands up
    and announces, "If the rabbi stays, I'll provide him with
    a new sedan every year, and his lovely wife with a mini
    van, to transport their children!"

    The congregation sighs, and applauds.

    Goldstein, the entrepreneur and investor stands and says,
    "If the rabbi stays, I'll double his salary, and establish a
    foundation to guarantee the college education of his
    children!!"

    More sighs and applause.

    Old Mrs. Goldfarb, aged 96, stands and announces,
    "If the rabbi stays, I offer SEX!!"

    There is a hush. The rabbi, blushing, asks, "Mrs. Goldfarb,
    whatever possessed you to say that?"

    Mrs. Goldfarb answers, "I just asked Mr. Goldfarb what we
    could contribute to make the rabbi stay. Mr. Goldfarb said,
    'Fcuk the rabbi.'"

  10. #9
    Senior Member Devoted Hubber c4ramesh's Avatar
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    This older Jewish man was on the operating table awaiting surgery and he insisted that his son, a renowned surgeon, perform the operation. As he was about to receive the anesthesia he asked to speak to his son.
    "Yes Dad, what is it?"

    "Don't be nervous, son, do your best and just remember, if it doesn't go well, if something happens to me ... your mother is going to come and live with you and your wife...."

  11. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by c4ramesh
    When white man found this land, Indians were running it.
    There were:

    - No Taxes
    - No Debt
    - Plenty buffalo
    - Plenty beaver
    - Medicine man free
    - Women did all the work
    - Men hunted and fished all the time

    The white man was dumb enough to think he could improve on that system!
    Anbe Sivam

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