Joint family concept .....where is it now ??

**S.Balaji** · 28th April 2006, 01:15 PM

From my personal experience, I could realise that even the brother sister relationship is a bit diluted after marriage ...

the same old fondness is missing now a days ....

not sure how you all feel .........

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**S.Balaji** · 28th April 2006, 01:20 PM

we have a huge list of cousins ( brothers and sisters ) our uncles and aunts etc ....and their branches......
fortunately the relationship is still intact ...as we converge for any good or sad incident .....
I am lucky to be brought up in such a manner

My eldest Periappa ( my Father's first brother ) is 92 years now and he continues to be our Guardian along with my periamma who is 83 years......
My mother continues to give the same old respect and admiration towards them ( my Father is no more now )
Though I have 2 elder brothers, our Periappa and our cousins ( elders ) continue to guide us on every sensitive matters

Our family was joint with our periappa family for looong before the space constraint made us to find another house but the respect and the admiration continues

can someone share his / her experience ?

**Raghu** · 28th April 2006, 02:49 PM

Originally Posted by S.Balaji

From my personal experience, I could realise that even the brother sister relationship is a bit diluted after marriage ...

the same old fondness is missing now a days ....

not sure how you all feel .........

balaji anNe,

I too have noticed this, my unlces(mum's brothers) and my mum dont BOND as much as they did when they were back in Sri Lanka, UK is far more MATERIALITIC country than Sri Lanka, i suppose, ppl here dont even have time to speak to their family members!

**Sandeep** · 2nd May 2006, 09:03 AM

Joint family as system of supporting the old (grandparents) and the young (grandchildren) is without doubt the best way of life. But siblings, cousins... also hmm thats tough.

Again with earning of family members differing (not a problem between Parent-Child, Husband-Wife relation ) the traditional joint family becomes difficult.

As someone correctly put 'My Child' is definitely more important that "My brothers Child". Again as the same person said this has been the truth from the time of Ramayana and Mahabharatha, so dont blame western influence.

**bingleguy** · 2nd May 2006, 09:09 AM

Does EGO has something to do with Joint-Family ?

Yes or No !

**great** · 2nd May 2006, 11:16 AM

Originally Posted by bingleguy

Does EGO has something to do with Joint-Family ?

Yes or No !

Defn yes !!!

**bingleguy** · 2nd May 2006, 11:59 AM

Well then comes the question ... whos EGO ?

**dsath** · 2nd May 2006, 03:56 PM

Originally Posted by Sandeep

Again as the same person said this has been the truth from the time of Ramayana and Mahabharatha, so dont blame western influence.

Sensible point. We tend to blame most of our social and moral problems on the Western culture. Some of it may be true, but not all.

The demise of Joint family can be attributed more to the changes in our lifestyle more than anything else.

Long time ago, the whole family did the same job, it was more like a family job or business. All in the family were farmers (farming the same land) or priests or businessmen. So it was a team and all of them were working towards a common goal.
When all in the family are doing more or less the same thing, then the possibilities of rift are less likely.
But now each member of the team have a different goal. Its very rare to come across a family where all the siblings are involved in the same job, in the same geographical area. Its natural for a joint family system under such circumstance to work against the benefit rather than for the benefit of the whole family.
Even in present days there are lots of family businesses going on and they all live under the same roof.
Demise of joint family can be explained as adapting to the changing environment (in order to succeed) rather than the emergence of 'my' concept (which has been with us for since the evolution of mankind).
IMO the worrying trend is the ever sprouting Old age Homes. Old people who need to be looked after by their children, are left to fend for themselves, it’s the children’s responsibility to look after parents in their old age. Its degradation of this simple moral value that needs to be addressed.

**ab_123** · 11th May 2006, 11:06 PM

Originally Posted by bingleguy

Well then comes the question ... whos EGO ?

Ego of mother-in-law vs daughter-in-law for ONE (mother wanting son to do things her way, and son's wife wanting somethingelse).

In the olden days, the women's role was completely to stay home, and take care of the family. Even if they did work, they did not have an attitude of I am INDEPENDENT and I should have a say in everything, as women of today might. So people, for the most part, got get on with family life as usual.

Today, both husbands and wives work, and they both have to balance family life and careers. So the wife feels she is an EQUAL to the husband. So, depending on the woman's personality, inappropriate/out-of-line actions by the extended family can lead to problems. The same problems may have existed before, but women were more dependant on men then, and were not vocal about these things.

Joint family has its advantages and disadvantages. Basically, if people learnt to respect others' boundaries (and yes, there should be boundaries), then they would work better.

**ramky** · 22nd May 2006, 05:58 AM

One of the causes for the breaking up of the joint family into smaller nuclear units is, the decline in family values. Previously the elders of the clan / family were held in great respect and they took most of the important decisions for all the members in the family. But due to the influence of western culture, the younger generation started deviating from these values. Women became more empowered and started asserting themselves within the family.

This led to inevitable ego clashes between the older and the younger generations. The elders could not adapt themselves to the changes in the moderan world and expected & demanded the same kind of respect from their sons, which they themselves had shown towards their elders, so many decades ago. The mother-in-law expected her son's wife to show her the same amount of respect which she herself had given to her mother-in-law.

This huge descripancy between the expectations of the elders on one hand, and what were the ground realities lead to an invisible divide between the two generations within the joint famliy setup. This barrier widened further when the sons started leaving the family in search of greener pastures.

And after living in this kind of independent setup, the wives of these sons also got accustomed to their new found "freedom" - of being able to do whatever they want, without the constant "interference" of their in-laws. And were not wiling to settle to living again with their in-laws once the sons returned after earning money and respect.

And thus, the Nuclear familly came into existence !