Love Marriage Vs Arranged Marriage

[Shakthiprabha.]

aS SUCH i am 100 percent AGAINST arranged marriage and its concept.

See, what is the meaning "love marriage" according to SP as she is 100% against arranged marriage

Yes, In my personal view, I AM NOT FAVOURABLE FOR ARRANGED MARRIAGE. I find it weird.

How is she exactly suggesting to choose one's parner in the Indian environment

Well, by choosing I dont mean go around advertising urself. Before marriage, any eligible guy or girl would come accross someone she likes or he likes FOR HIS OR HER NATURE, QUALITY AND WAVE LENGTH.

If its not a problem, and if they feel they are compatible enough, marrying the partner, with the approval and blessing of the parents(THEY again are free to point out and suggest or disapprove if they feel its not susceptible, but ultimately the groom and bride's decision should matter) , IS WHAT I TERM AS "'U CHOOSING UR PARTNER AND WITHOUT UR FAMILY'S INTERFERENCE"


Is there any confusion?

Why is this confused with SLEEPING AROUND WITH OPPOSITE SEX AND LETTING MORALS LOOSE?

AM i to assume, ppl who support SIMPLE 'love marriage' mean, SLEEPING WITH LOVERS AND LIVING LIFE THEY WANT.???

[Fire111999]

yup yup. i agree with what u're saying SP!

but nowadays with arranged marriage also, the guy and the girl are being allowed to meet and speak before they get engaged and there is a long gap b/w the engagement and the wedding. this must make arranged marriages more acceptable to you, right?

i mean, basically, parents should only filter the guys according to moral values and habits, etc.

[Shakthiprabha.]

I dont deny it fire.

They do get to meet and like each other, AND THEN GET MARIED. Its really a nice change from what it used to be in olden days.

but.........

yes, parents filter based on ur likes and dislikes ......... allow u to date and finalise whehter u like or do not like a person.

We go out, talk, find out whats good or compatible and say yes.

But tell me , IS IT LIKE THIS IN M ANY HOUSES?

IS IT NOT LIKE........... u like him or her and say 'yes' (IMMY) in 2 to 3 days.

90 PERCENT of the time, GET ENGAGED.........

and THENNNNNN GO OUT Speak more and understand them.

When we are engaged we are half.... committed. Not all call of their engagement in the name of 'incompatibility' (I should say, its increasing these days........ sadly I feel its better for parents to WAIT and then get them engaged..... rather than have engagement and then....... allow them to spend time)

Even otherwise......................

I feel, it would be nice, if u BUMP INTO THE PERSON urself, and like him or her, than........... select a commodity and short list it (with the help of so many) and then marry .

[Fire111999]

yeah, i guess, it's not in many houses that they allow them to mix freely before getting engaged. but this situation is improving.

for myself, as i already mentioned, i'm for arranged marriages until i fall in love!

[Shakthiprabha.]

hmm...

I assume, arranged marriages have taken different look these days.

Good luck fire I wish u hapiness.
who knows.......U may fall in love...........
or.......u may not........ but meet the right guy .... may be with the help of parents by an arranged marriage

My daughter is 5 now.



I dont know....... if tommorrow my daughter grows up and did not find any body to her liking, on her own..... did not fal in love, and if she is 25.............. i might consider this ARRANGED marriage??????

not sure. I suppose even then, I would want her to chose her own partner yes ofcourse with diligence, for which me and my husband may stand by her and support or suggest her.



:P

Funny fact is, My husband DOES NOT feel 'love=marriage' is necessary. He is happy with ARRANGED marriage and its procedures.

[Fire111999]

but isn't it difficult for a girl to consider different pple as the love of her life? i mean, a girl will only want to think of one person in her heart right? so, isn't it easier to leave it to the parents to choose?

[Shakthiprabha.]

but isn't it difficult for a girl to consider different pple as the love of her life? i mean, a girl will only want to think of one person in her heart right? so, isn't it easier to leave it to the parents to choose?

fire,

u dont approach or move with everyone with the thinking that.....

"what if he is my man"

its JUST A NATURAL PROCESS.

I would like to quote a song which I love for its sensible words

"poo poothathai
yaar paarthathu?
kaathal kooda
poovai pondrathu....."



so, its a slow steady process, IT CANT AND WOULD NOT happen with all.

u cannot approach or meet a person with the thinking........."okei he is the one"

I ask u one question...........

we have so called PONNU PAARKARATHU (formally seeing the girl) in arranged marriages.

Assume the guy / girl would go say 'NO' after the process is over.

Are u not involving urself with more than one man then? I mean.......... u might see him in diff angle, and then..... find he is not the one....

so are u not seeing him in a prospective groom's angle?

Its just the same.......

I remeber a poem which I read LONG BACK (when I was unmarried infact)

many may not like the poem..... cause of its raunchy effect..... it does not hapen or is not true too........ somehow I liked the way it was put accorss......

(IT was frustration of a 30 year old woman, who was not sold in the marriage market, due to her poor financial status and hence lacking the capability to give dowry)

"indraikku vEroruvan.
ivanai naaNathodu parthu,
sirithu
pesi........
kanavil kudumbam valarthu...
avan illai endra pozhuthu.......
sOram pOnavaLaai..........
aduthavanukaaga kaathirukkirEn.
kanni kazhiyaatha PATHTHINI naan"

(Its my own wordings..... with just the jist covered.......)

[Fire111999]

yeah, i know one shouldn't view everyone with that kind of thing in mind. i know i don't.

and actually, i only talked abt the guy and the girl being allowed to meet before marriage, etc cos i felt that that aspect of arranged marriage wil appeal to you. it doesn't to me. i would rather my parents choose the guy for me, unless i fall in love before that. but i'm not going to go out looking for love! That's what i mean by i'm for arranged marriages until i fall in love!

and another thing: the indian guys i've met here seem to think in that way. cos when i show an interest to further my friendship with someone i like, they think that as an interest to become their girl friend. for e.g., one guy just inserted into a conversation i was having with him, that his girl friend in india thinks sth. i felt that that was not a natural comment on his part and was his way of informing me that he was not available. and then there was another guy who acted differently when he talks to me. i couldn't understand why they don't realise that i just wanted to be friends. since these experiences, i don't really pursue friendships with any indian guys.

and yet another thing: why do girls in india call guys they know as anna? is that a way to preclude any declarations of love? that is also quite horrible. i'ven't called anyone anna in my whole life until recently. and when i call anyone, anna, i mean it. it's not just some kind of protection!

[r_o_j_a]

if anything goes wrong in a love marriage/arranged then your parents would say
:-
love
"I knew this wouldn't work. i told you loads of time. you wont listen"

arranged
"aiyo . what are we going to do now. this is our thalaividhi"

personally i feel that arranged marriage will work because there is more commitment , duty. If both parties listen to parents and then get married , then there is more willingness to stay together (and listen to parents)... there is a greater cohesion/link with other extended family network.

love marriages will first result in some sort of misunderstandings ,often it takes longer for the bond between families to develop.

[Shakthiprabha.]

and another thing: the indian guys i've met here seem to think in that way. cos when i show an interest to further my friendship with someone i like, they think that as an interest to become their girl friend. for e.g., one guy just inserted into a conversation i was having with him, that his girl friend in india thinks sth. i felt that that was not a natural comment on his part and was his way of informing me that he was not available. and then there was another guy who acted differently when he talks to me. i couldn't understand why they don't realise that i just wanted to be friends. since these experiences, i don't really pursue friendships with any indian guys.

Sadly, the concept called 'FRIENDSHIP' is not understood in its finest ways by majority of indian men and women and indian boys and girls.

and yet another thing: why do girls in india call guys they know as anna? is that a way to preclude any declarations of love? that is also quite horrible. i'ven't called anyone anna in my whole life until recently. and when i call anyone, anna, i mean it. it's not just some kind of protection!

I dont know. I am like u. I personally dont call most of my friends as ANNA OR THAMBI OR WHATEER. I prefer to call them friends. Relationship I feel is very pure and cannot be used, as a substitute word.

MAY BE, many girls call anna or whatever may be because She does not know any other way to call someone elder to her! (my personal preference is USE NAME...... WHAT ARE NAMES FOR?)

anyway, its each one's personal preference. I have not called anyone anna or thambi UNLESS I MEAN IT. It does not happen EASILY. One need to understand the person, like him for what he is, FEEL BROTHERLY, then call anna ......... it takes time. (all cant be anna anyway )

Another major reason MAY BE, cause, men or women in INDIA still dont have confidence in friendship??????

Thats just a question.... which crops up. I leave it to every person's indvidual analysis to answer it.