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Thread: How to write a short story? (Prabhu Ram)

  1. #11
    Moderator Platinum Hubber P_R's Avatar
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    Thank You SP
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  3. #12
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    Excellent PR

  4. #13
    Moderator Platinum Hubber P_R's Avatar
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    Thank you Wibha
    மூவா? முதல்வா! இனியெம்மைச் சோரேலே

  5. #14
    Senior Member Veteran Hubber Querida's Avatar
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    Hi PR,

    Overall it was a good read.

    I just have some thoughts to share:

    1) I think it would have been effective if for once throughout the piece you mentioned that he stuck his hand in his pocket, or patted his pocket...or given some indication of the ending line...because without that little indication I felt the last line...not necessary even with its emotional weight.

    2) I think that your "short story instructions" were well constructed and researched, I admire it, because I struggle with making clear, cut observations/instructions myself. Hence why I feel overwhelmed when I want to write a review of movies and why I enjoy reading yours and other hubbers' movie reviews because you can be pull out a quote or scene or minor detail and then extrapolate on its quality/message.

    3) I liked your eye for detail, just as in "complications" the clumsy whiskers, the expression of the eyes, the modulation in voice are all made real and the character so much more human.

    4) Lastly, I think it would have been better for the narrator not to comment on the lecture as awe-inspiring...cause that makes the reader turn a critical eye to the lecture and therefore not easily swayed by its indeed poignant content because we have been told what to think.

    These are just my opinions and I hope they either help or at least amuse There is no question in my mind that you are a skilled and talented writer, and I hope you will continue writing and sharing your pieces with us.

  6. #15
    Moderator Platinum Hubber P_R's Avatar
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    Dear Q, Thanks for your commends and comments.

    Quote Originally Posted by Querida
    1) I think it would have been effective if for once throughout the piece you mentioned that he stuck his hand in his pocket, or patted his pocket...or given some indication of the ending line...because without that little indication I felt the last line...not necessary even with its emotional weight.
    True. I would have thought along those lines if I was indeed writing a real short story. This one is just designed to follow faithfully the prescriptions it sets out for itself as it unfolds and end up in its current form.So to say, the story's success lies in its failure.

    Quote Originally Posted by Querida
    3) I liked your eye for detail, just as in "complications" the clumsy whiskers, the expression of the eyes, the modulation in voice are all made real and the character so much more human.
    Ah...you incorrigible old-timer, you.

    Quote Originally Posted by Querida
    4) Lastly, I think it would have been better for the narrator not to comment on the lecture as awe-inspiring...cause that makes the reader turn a critical eye to the lecture and therefore not easily swayed by its indeed poignant content because we have been told what to think.
    I am so so glad you felt that way. That was precisely what I built into the design in having the narrator interject (not just this comment but in general his other comments). That the ' sources of poignance' and the attempt to show 'greatness of man' are both in the story and yet the narration doesn't let the story get there.
    மூவா? முதல்வா! இனியெம்மைச் சோரேலே

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