""LOVE MARRIAGE VS ARRANGE MARRIAGE:""

**Dr. Veena** · 25th November 2004, 07:46 PM

Ohhhhhhhhhh!
Thanks a ton, Cindy, for that sweet, comforting mail. Thankfully, I have not had to face that problem. Though he doesn't remeber other ppl's b'day (even his parents or my parents), he remembers mine and gives me gifts for it. I'm lucky that way.

But i want him to learn driving and move into a new home (with just the 2 of us) or go abroad. Sigh!!! I have to wait........i don't know how many years for that!!!!

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**phantom363** · 25th November 2004, 08:02 PM

i had this problem when i got married (arranged). in my family, birthdays were a non event. on the first one for my wife after marriage, she was getting all this long distance calls (which she missed because she was away at work) which had no msgs except that it was from her family.

when i heard those msgs i was concerned. but my wife had a long face and did not seem to be concerned. only later in the evening she let out that it was her b'day. i learned my lesson. and since then two days i have never forgotten is her birthday & wedding anniversary (i did this pro actively).

we have been married 24 years. still these are important to my wife. so we remember and celebrate it. my own birthdays, we remember, but true to my wishes, not celebrated.

compromise. and probably the right thing to do.

**Dr. Veena** · 28th November 2004, 01:15 PM

Is there any way to get him to learn Driving??????????????

Is there any way to get him to apply for a job outside India?
Please, someone help...before the ultimate happens.

**sonu gopi** · 28th November 2004, 09:14 PM

Originally Posted by Dr. Veena

Is there any way to get him to learn Driving??????????????

Do you drive? If not then you take up driving first. Later get your car and then make it a point to take your hubby for a drive, movies and lastly visiting friends.

This will make him feel out of place when ppl see his wife driving him around. – could call it male chauvinism? Next thing you know he would be taking up driving lessons and before the blink of an eye he would be standing in front of you with his licence and ready to take you around!!

Or get a male friend to send you to work to and fro in his car - jealousy might make him take up driving immediately to take you to work instead!

Otherwise get him to this thread - let him read your woes - will regret for his actions and decide to do set everything straight just for your delight!

Hmmm......sure its tough understanding these male species! Just thought of helping a bit.

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SONU GOPI

**nirosha sen** · 29th November 2004, 09:51 AM

Yabba dabba do Sonu!!!

That was the best advice you could give to dear Veena!! Yes, Veena do exactly what Sonu says. Why should you wait for him to learn to drive???? Aren't you a strong willed Tharavadu pennu???? You go Girl, go learn to drive and take HIM for a drive! That'll certainly give all of them the message, believe me!!!!

By the way I drive too, ferrying the kids to school and me to do all my errands. Even my husband likes the country drives this way, as he gets to enjoy the sights better this way!

**mandangi** · 30th November 2004, 10:37 PM

In India divorce cases are more in marriages arranged by elders. Dowry problem is also more in marriages arranged by elders.

**Sandeep** · 30th November 2004, 10:44 PM

Originally Posted by mandangi

In India divorce cases are more in marriages arranged by elders. Dowry problem is also more in marriages arranged by elders.

Agreed about the dowry thing but the first I doubt.

**Querida** · 1st December 2004, 01:05 AM

Originally Posted by mandangi

In India divorce cases are more in marriages arranged by elders. Dowry problem is also more in marriages arranged by elders.

Well Mandangi i would think that arranged marriages are less likely to divorce....not because i think they work better...for me whatever way a marriage is made it can either stay or be broken...but that all depends on the people in the union....anyways....first of all with arranged marriages...there is more pressure to stay together....mostly because of surrounding family....also there is more support...i would think marriages that are not arranged (i will not refer to them as love marriages since i should think all marriages should have some love in them 8) ) i would think independent marriages would be more likely to be broken up...especially if family members did not support the union in the first place...which is sad in a way....

your second point i agree with you totally...but more than that what really angers me is when a couple have agreed to pursue their love interest (without family consent) why is it whenever marriage comes along the defiant son all of a sudden is obedient when it comes to dowry? I think dowries should be seen as a mutual thing done by both parties for the couple especially those who have decided for themselves to be together all of a sudden they need money to seal an already made deal???

furthermore, I also think it is still very disappointing that parents still see dowry as payment to taking away their burden!

**mandangi** · 1st December 2004, 08:52 AM

Originally Posted by Sandeep

Agreed about the dowry thing but the first I doubt.

In India dowry problem is high. But in cases of love marriages dowry problem is less. One of my known person harassed his wife to bring money from her home even their marriage is love marriage. But such problem is not seen in more of the love marriage cases.