""LOVE MARRIAGE VS ARRANGE MARRIAGE:""

**Surya** · 1st December 2004, 10:18 AM

Originally Posted by mandangi

In India divorce cases are more in marriages arranged by elders.

Not true. The divorce cases are more in love marriages. When a marriage is arranged, its not only the groom and the bride, but its the families of both that come in the picture. So people seem to work out their probs one way or another. There are many divorces in arranged ones also, but generally speaking.

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**Querida** · 1st December 2004, 10:21 AM

Surya what sayest thou on dowry issue?

notice we tied for postings? :P

**Surya** · 1st December 2004, 10:27 AM

Originally Posted by Querida

Surya what sayest thou on dowry issue?

:P

Well, to answer your first question.

In today's world, I don't think that any self-respecting man would accept dowry. A lot of my friends who got married, (arranged) didn't. My opinion is that the idea of Dowry is basically male prostitution.

**Querida** · 1st December 2004, 10:38 AM

ok Nov here's another one you got to get hitched along with Sandeep and Davie :P
but wow really...let's hope your friends are setting not a trend but a everlasting value...

**mandangi** · 1st December 2004, 10:48 AM

Originally Posted by Surya

Not true. The divorce cases are more in love marriages. When a marriage is arranged, its not only the groom and the bride, but its the families of both that come in the picture. So people seem to work out their probs one way or another. There are many divorces in arranged ones also, but generally speaking.

I am saying true. Not my personal opinion. Some times elders decide marriages against wishes of their children. In those cases there are more possibilities of divorce.

**Surya** · 1st December 2004, 10:52 AM

Originally Posted by mandangi

Originally Posted by Surya

Not true. The divorce cases are more in love marriages. When a marriage is arranged, its not only the groom and the bride, but its the families of both that come in the picture. So people seem to work out their probs one way or another. There are many divorces in arranged ones also, but generally speaking.

I am saying true. Not my personal opinion. Some times elders decide marriages against wishes of their children. In those cases there are more possibilities of divorce.

But like you said, SOME TIMES. But generally speaking.

**Surya** · 1st December 2004, 10:55 AM

Originally Posted by Querida

ok Nov here's another one you got to get hitched along with Sandeep and Davie :P
but wow really...let's hope your friends are setting not a trend but a everlasting value...

I'm sure they are. I'm not sure about men who grow up in India, but all my tamil friends that grew up here have. Hopefully even men in India feel that Dowry is male prostitution. Lets hope that the Dowry system would stop within the next generation.

**phantom363** · 2nd December 2004, 08:37 PM

i think marriage is still a lottery. whether it is arranged or through love, whether it is a stranger or someone whom you know all your life, whether from the same or a different group or country, it is ultimately two people who have to adjust to each other.

in these days, we are also far removed from what you would call your normal support system (family, hometown, culture etc.). so the nuclear family is more like a business arrangement.. varavu and selavu has to balance, supply chain to work efficiently to get the goods in, and distribution efficient to get the goods out.

soo, since none of know how our spouses will react to these everhappening new situations, it becomes a lottery. all we can do, is to pray, that we last out the tough times together, so that we can share the good times...

**Querida** · 3rd December 2004, 12:34 AM

well said...but it's a shame that you say you cannot account for the reactions of your spouses....by that i mean i think your spouse should one of the people who should be known truly..after all are they not your spouse?

**phantom363** · 3rd December 2004, 05:55 AM

sorry, i should have said 'would be spouses'.

it is true, that over years husbands and wives become very much alike, one can complete the other's sentence or (even more frightening) thoughts.

the initial few months of getting to know and laying the foundations for the household are the critical ones. if the husband is one who gives and shares, he will find that it pays off in the long run. if the wife is one who gives and shares, she might find that it is a never ending giving, and the only option for her would be to leave the marriage...this is my take on why marriages fail after a long period...