A joke per day...keeps the doctor away!

[Badri]

Enna eppadiyaavathu izhukkaama, Akkaku thookam varaathey!!!

Tr: Without somehow involving me, Sister Scorpio won't get sleep!

[scorpio]

Punjab Airways


Good morning, Ladies and Gentlemen. This is your Captain 'James' Santa Singh welcoming you to Punjab Airways. We apologize
for the two-day delay in taking off, owing to bad weather and some
overtime I had put in at the highway dhaba.

This is flight no. 9211 (Nau Do Gyaraah) to Ludhiana.Landing in Ludhiana is not guaranteed, but with luck we may even be landing
directly on your village.

Punjab Airways has a unique record for safety. In fact our safety
standards are so well known that even fully trained terrorists and
hijackers are afraid to fly with us.

It is with pleasure I announce that starting this year over 90% of our
passengers have reached their destination. For the ones that don't
quite make it, Punjab Airways staff has all the requisiteexperience for
consoling the next-of-kin.

Our Hostess Bubbly Kaur will be happy to brief you on our out-of-court
settlement policies. If our engines are too noisy for you, on passenger
request, we can turn them off for your convenience. To make your free fall to earth pleasant and memorable, we serve complimentary tea and
biscuits.

For our religious passengers, we are the only airline who can help
you quickly find out whether God really exists. ( What a relief for Rohit and Pradheep )

We regret to inform you that today's in-flight movie will not be shown
as we forgot to record it from the television. But we will be flying
right next to Air India, where their movie will be visible from the right
side cabin windows. These windows have been removed for your
viewing convenience. For passengers with sight problems, we have also
put a pair of binoculars under your seat.

As per the rules, smoking is not allowed on all Punjab Airways flights
over Punjab. Any smoke you see in the cabin is only the early warning system on the engines telling us to slow down. Life jackets are placed under your seats and free bathing costumes are made available
for the aunties and swimming trunks for the uncles, for emergency water landings on any of our 5 rivers.

Kindly be seated, keep your seat in an upright position for take off
and fasten your belts. For those of you who can't find a seat belt, kindly
fasten your own belt to the arm of your seat. And for those of you who
can't find a seat, do not hesitate to get in touch with Bubbly Kaur for
your arrangement to sit on the bathroom seat. If you do sit there,
please do not flush frequently because it may result in shortage of water we require for your tea.

I won't be flying with you today because I have to attend to my
nephew's wedding. But co-pilot Kaptan Singh will have wireless access
to me in case he needs flying instructions from time to time.
For an extra 500 rupees or two tandoori chickens, our attendant Bubbly Kaur will allow you to come forward and occupy the captain's seat in the cockpit for 5 minutes each, for an extraordinary view.

Thank you once again for choosing to fly with Punjab Airways.

[NM]

scorpio....

[sanjay]

Ben and Jill had been happily married for 50 years, their secret to a happy marriage was a drawer where whatever they kept in the drawer was not ever seen by the other....well on their 51st anniversary...Ben thought heck it's been so many years it's now or never to see what's in that drawer of hers...so while his wife was out shopping he peeked in the drawer. What he saw was a single egg and $5000.

He thought to himself oh what have i done, i should be ashamed of myself...i will tell her what i did when she comes back.

Later in the day, Ben finally worked up the courage to tell his wife what he did.

-Jill im so sorry but i looked in your secret drawer, can you ever forgive me?
-Ben what you did was wrong but it's ok.
-Well then Jill can you tell me why you keep an egg in your drawer
-Well Ben i promised myself when we got married that if I ever cheated on you i would place an egg in the drawer, to remind me always of my infidelity.
-So in all the years we've been married you have only cheated on me once! Oh i am so lucky to have such a wife as dedicated as you!
-that is so very good of you Ben
-hey just wondering how long did it take you to save up $5000?
-Well Ben that's from all the eggs I sold....

[sanjay]

Things We Learned From Indian Movies

*A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating, but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.

*Cars that crash will invariably burst into flames.

*Stripping to the waist can make a man invulnerable to bullets.

*If you find yourself caught up in a misunderstanding that could be cleared up quickly with a simple explanation, for goodness sake, keep your mouth shut.

*A cough is usually the sign of a terminal illness.

*All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts, so you know exactly when they're going to go off.

*When in love, it is customary to burst into song.

*When confronted by an evil international terrorist, sarcasm and wisecracks are your best weapons.

*One man shooting at 20 men has a better chance of killing them than 20 men firing at 1 man.

*Laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communication systems of an invading alien civilization.

*All computer disks will work in all computers, regardless of software.

*Police Departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are assigned a partner who is their total opposite.

*When they are alone, foreigners prefer to speak English to each other.

*If you are a hero, you never face charges for manslaughter or criminal damage despite laying entire cities to waste by your actions.

*Any lock can be picked by a credit card or a paper clip in seconds - unless it's the door to a burning building with a child trapped inside.

*Honest and hard working policemen are traditionally gunned down three days before retirement.

*The more a man and a woman hate each other, the more likely they will fall in love.

[sanjay]

My dear FAIR and LOVELY (chand ka tukda),

You are my TVS SCOOTY (First love) and my AIWA (pure passion). I always BPL (believe in the best) and you are SANSUI (better than the best). You are DOMINO'S PIZZA (delivering a million smiles) for me. This is a COLGATE ENERGY GEL (seriously fresh) feeling for me. I want you to be my life partner, but i think you are worried about your father who is a KAWASAKI BAJAJ CALIBER ( the unshakable) and my fahter who is a CEAT (born tough), but don't worry, as i am also a FORD IKON (the josh machine) and rest of our family members are pretty KELVINATORS (the coolest ones). If our fathers say no, we will run away and marry, and PHILIPS (lets make things better). They will feel MIRINDA (zor ka jhatka dhire se lage) and i believe COCA-COLA (jo chahe ho jaye). Trust in God who's always NOKIA (connecting people) who love each other, and do not forget that we are WILLS (made for each other). Now that HYUNDAI (we are listening) the song of love, you must know that love is DAIRY MILK (real taste of life), SATYAM ONLINE (fun fast easy) and PARX (always comfortable). Expecting your reply.

I could write only a little today, but actually PEPSI (yeh dil mange more!).

LG (digitally yours),

XYZ.

[sanjay]

The story goes that when Bill Gates was in India, he saw the common people facing problems related to Windows terminology. He announced that Microsoft had plans to release a Windows 2005 version in Hindi.

Here are some Windows related terms that will be used in the Hindi version of Khirkiyan 2005.

Phaail - File
Bachao - Save
Aise bachao - Save as
Subko bachao - Save All
Mujhe bachao - Help
Chuno - Select
Sab chuno - Select All
Dhoondo - Find
Hilao - Move
Dakiya - Mailer
Paas se dhekho - Zoom
Door se dhekho - Zoom Out
Kholo - Open
Band karo - Close
Naya - New
Badli karo - Replace
Bhaago - Run
Chaapo - Print
Dekh ke chaapo - Print Preview
Kaapi - Copy
Kaato - Cut
Chipkao - Paste
Ispesal chipkao - Paste Special
Goli maaro - Delete
Nazaara - View
Auzaar - Tools
Auzaar ka dabba - Toolbar
Khuli chaadar - Spreadsheet
Iska bhi naam nahin aata - Database
Ghusao - Insert
Ped - Tree
Thooso - Compress
Chooha - Mouse
Tik-tik karo - Click
Idhar-se-udhar, udhar-se-idhar - Scrollbar
Chal phoot - Exit.

[sanjay]

Bushism: You have two cows. You invade Afghanistan, Iraq and Iran for more cows.

Blairism: You have no cows but support America in the war. You clean up the mess and cow dung but the Americans get all the cows.

Congressism: You have totally 220 white cows. Some minority red cows from other farms give you milk and dictate terms as to who you sell all your milk to.

Lalooism: You have a few cows. You buy them fodder on government money and the scam trial runs for ever. The cows are armed and dangerous. You enjoy their milk.

Jayaism: You have some cows. They prostrate before you every day (they can do this as none have a backbone). You milk the people and give it to your cows to drink.

BJPism: You had some cows. You either burnt them or "demolished" them and they are gone now. You keep saying that you still have them but no one believes in you.

[NM]

Things We Learned From Indian Movies

Sanjay..........very true....

[a.ratchasi]

Things We Learned From Indian Movies

*The more a man and a woman hate each other, the more likely they will fall in love.

Err, this happens in real life too!