A joke per day...keeps the doctor away!

[Oldposts]

Shakthi: How can you drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it?
Vapuchi: Concrete floors are very hard to crack!

Shakthi: If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall, how
long would it take four men to build it?
Vapuchi: No time at all it is already built.

Shakthi: If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand
and four apples and three oranges in the other hand, what would you have?
Vapuchi: Very large hands.

Shakthi: How can you lift an elephant with one hand?
Vapuchi: It is not a problem, since you will never find an elephant with one hand.

Shakthi: How can a man go eight days without sleep?
Vapuchi: He sleeps at night.

Shakthi: If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what it will become?
Vapuchi: Wet.

[Oldposts]

Shakthi: What looks like half apple?
Vapuchi: The other half.

Shakthi What can you never eat for breakfast ?
Vapuchi: Dinner.

Shakthi: What happened when wheel was invented ?
Vapuchi : It caused a revolution.

Shakthi Why is it easy to weigh a fish ?
Vapuchi : Because it has its own scales.

Shakthi Bay of Bengal is in which state?
Vapuchi : Liquid.

Shakthi: what is the opposite of Nagpanchmi?
Vapuchi: Nag do not punch me.

Shakthi: Now what is the inverse of Nagpanchmi?
Vapuchi: I punched the Nag.

Shakthi: Chintu's mom has three sons. What is the name of the
other two?
Vapuchi: Chin-1 & Chin-3.

[Oldposts]

Sachin Tendulkar and Sourav Ganguly, now pretty old guys, 55 and 58
years old, are sitting on a park bench feeding pigeons and talking about

cricket, like they do every day.
Sachin turns to Sourav and says, "Do you think there's cricket in
heaven?" Ganguly thinks about it for a minute and replies, "I dunno. But

let's make a
deal: if I die first, I'll come back and tell you if there's cricket in
heaven, and if you die first, you do the same."


They shake on it and sadly, a few months later, poor Sachin passes on.
One day soon afterward, Ganguly is sitting there feeding the pigeons by
himself when he hears a voice whisper, "Sourav... Sourav!" Ganguly
responds, "Sachin! Is that you?" "Yes it is, Sourav," whispers Sachin's
ghost. Ganguly, still amazed, asks, "So, is there cricket in heaven?"
"Well," says Sachin, "I've got good news and bad news." "Gimme the good
news first," says Ganguly. Sachin says, "Well... there is cricket in
heaven." Ganguly says, "That's great! What news could be bad enough to
ruin that!?" Sachin sighs and whispers, "You're going to be the opening
batsmen on Friday."

[Oldposts]

Santa was sitting on his porch, when a man walked up with a pad and pencil in his hand.

"What can I do for you?" Santa politely asked. "You selling something?"

"No, sir, I'm not. I'm a Census Taker," the man replied.

"A what?" Santa asked, more confused than ever.

"A Census Taker," he explained. "We're trying to find out how many people are in the India."

"Well, you're wasting your time here," Santa answered finally. "I have no idea."

[Oldposts]

An Irishman's been at a pub all night drinking beer. The bartender finally says that the bar is closed. So he stands up to leave and falls flat on his face.

He figures he'll crawl outside and get some fresh air and maybe that will sober him up.

Once outside he stands up and falls flat on his face.

So he crawls home and at the door stands up and falls flat on his face. He crawls through the door and up the stairs. When he reaches his bed he tries one more time to stand up.

This time he falls right into bed and is sound asleep.

He awakens the next morning to his wife standing over him shouting at him. "So, you've been out drinking again!!"

"How did you know?" he asks.

"The pub called, you left your wheelchair there again."

[Oldposts]

An angel appears at a priests meeting and tells their leader that in return for his unselfish and exemplary behavior, the Lord will reward him with his choice of infinite wealth, wisdom, or beauty.

Without hesitating, the leader selects infinite wisdom.

"Done!" says the angel, and disappears in a cloud of smoke and a bolt of lightning.

Now, all heads turn toward the leader, who sits surrounded by a faint halo of light.

One of the preists whispers, "Say something."

The leader sighs and says, "I should have taken the money."

[Oldposts]

A professor of mathematics sent a fax to his wife:

Dear Wife:
You must realize you are 54 years old and I have certain needs which you are no longer able to satisfy. I am otherwise happy with you as a wife. I sincerely hope you will not be hurt or offended to learn that, by the time you receive this letter, I will be at the Grand Hotel with my 18-year old teaching assistant. I'll be home before midnight.
Your Husband

When he arrived at the hotel, a faxed letter waited for him:

Dear Husband:
You, too, are 54 years old and by the time you receive this letter, I will be at the Breakwater Hotel with the 18-year old pool boy. Since you are a mathematician, you will appreciate that 18 goes into 54 more times than 54 goes into 18. Therefore, don't wait up.
Your Wife

[Oldposts]

"Doctor, I think my son has gonorrhea," Santa told his urologist on the phone. "The only woman he's scre**wed is our maid."

"Ok, don't be hard on him. He's just a kid," the doctor soothed. "Get him in here right away and I'll take care of him."

"But, Doctor. I've been scre**wing the maid too and I've got the same symptoms he has."

"Then you come in with him and I'll fix you both up." Replied the doctor.

"Well," Santa admitted, "I think my wife now has it too."

"Son of a bitch!" the doctor roared. "That means we've all got it!"

[Oldposts]

Banta and Preeto got married and celebrated their first night together doing what newlyweds do, time and time again, but with the lights off.

Morning came, Banta went to the bathroom but found no towel when he emerged from the shower.

He asked Preeto to bring one from the bedroom. When she opened the door, she saw Banta's naked body for the first time. Her eyes went up and down and, about midway, they stopped and stared.

She asked shyly, "What's that?" pointing to a small part of his anatomy.

Banta, also being shy, thought for a minute and then said, "Well, that's what we had so much fun with last night."

And she, in amazement, asked, "Is that all we have left?"

[Oldposts]

A store called Husband Mart that sells husbands has just opened. A woman can go there and choose a husband from among many men. The store consists of 6 floors. As you open the door to any floor you can choose a man from that floor or choose to go up to the next floor.

But you cannot go back down to a previous floor, except to exit the building.

So a woman goes to Husband Mart to find a husband.

On the first floor the sign on the door reads: Floor 1 - These men have jobs. The woman reads the sign and says to herself, "Well, that's better than my last boyfriend, but I wonder what's further up?" So up she goes.

The second floor sign reads: Floor 2 - These men have jobs and love kids. The woman remarks to herself, "That's great, but I wonder what's further up?" And up she goes again.

The third floor sign reads: Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love kids and are extremely good looking. "Hmmm, better" she says. "But I wonder what's upstairs?" And up she goes again.