A joke per day...keeps the doctor away!

**a.ratchasi** · 14th September 2005, 02:55 PM

Top reasons why ladies today are still single!

1. The nice men are ugly.

2. The handsome men are not nice.

3. The handsome and nice men are gay.

4. The handsome, nice and heterosexual men are married.

5. The men who are not so handsome, but are nice men, have no
money.

6. The men who are not so handsome, but are nice men with
money think we are only after their money.

7. The handsome men without money are after our money.

8. The handsome men, who are not so nice and somewhat
heterosexual, don't think we are beautiful enough.

9. The men who think we are beautiful, that are heterosexual,
somewhat nice and have money, are cowards.

10.The men who are somewhat handsome, somewhat nice and
have some money and thank God are heterosexual, are shy
and NEVER MAKE THE FIRST MOVE!!!!

The men who never make the first move, automatically lose
interest in us when we take the initiative.

NOW, WHO THE HELL UNDERSTANDS MEN?

"Men are like a fine wine. They all start out like grapes, and it's our job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something you'd like to have dinner with."

**Google Adsense** · 14th September 2005 02:55 PM

**NOV** · 15th September 2005, 07:36 AM

Memo from Black Guys to White Guys

When I was born, I was Black,
When I grow up, I remain Black,
When I go in Sun, I remain Black,
When I get scared, I remain Black,
When I am sick, I remain Black,
And when I die, I will still be Black

As for you, white guy

When you were born, you were Pink,
When you grow up, you become White,
When you go in Sun, you become Red,
When you are cold, you turn Blue,
When you are scared, you turn Yellow,
When you get sick, you turn Green,
And when you die, you become Gray

And yet you call me colored?

ts · 15th September 2005, 07:19 PM

"An extraordinarily handsome man decided he had the responsibility to marry the perfect woman so they could produce beautiful children beyond compare

With that as his mission he began searching for the perfect woman.

Shortly thereafter he met a farmer who had three stunning, gorgeous daughters that positively took his breath away. So he explained his mission to the farmer, asking for permission to marry one of them.

The farmer simply replied, "They're lookin' to get married, so you came to the right place. Look 'em over and pick the one you want."

The man dated the first daughter.

The next day the farmer asked for the man's opinion.

"Well," said the man, "she's just a weeeeee bit, not that you can hardly notice...pigeon-toed."

The farmer nodded and suggested the man date one of the other girls;so the man went out with the second daughter.

The next day, the farmer again asked how things went.

"Well,"the man replied, "she's just a weeeee bit, not that you can hardly tell...cross-eyed."

The farmer nodded and suggested he date the third girl to see if things might be better. So he did.

The next morning the man rushed in exclaiming,

"She's perfect, just perfect. She's the one I want to marry."

So they were wed right away.

Months later the baby was born. When the man visited the nursery he was horrified: the baby was the ugliest, most pathetic human "thing" you can imagine.

He rushed to his father-in-law asking how such a thing could happen considering the beauty of the parents.

"Well," explained the farmer, "She was just a weeeee bit, not that you could hardly tell... pregnant when you met her."

**pavalamani pragasam** · 17th September 2005, 06:27 PM

One Early morning a mother went to her sleeping son and woke him up.

MOM : "Wake up, son. It's time to go to school."

SON : "But why, Mama? I don't want to go to school."

MOM : "Give me two reasons why you don't want to go to school."

SON : "One, all the children hate me. Two, all the teachers hate me."

MOM : "Oh! that's not a reason. Come on, you have to go to school."

SON : "Give me two good reasons WHY I *should* go to school?"

MOM : One, you are FIFTY-TWO years old and should understand your responsibilities.
Two, you are the PRINCIPAL of the school.

**Querida** · 18th September 2005, 08:43 AM

good ones! Was not expecting that at all TS and Madam PP

"If there are any idiots in the room, will they please stand up" said the sarcastic teacher. After a long silence, one freshman rose to his feet.
"Now then mister, why do you consider yourself an idiot?" enquired the teacher with a sneer.
"Well, actually I don't," said the student, "but I hate to see you standing up there all by yourself."

The child comes home from his first day at school.
Mother asks, "What did you learn today?"
The kid replies, "Not enough. I have to go back tomorrow."

"Isn't the principal a dummy!" said a boy to a girl.
"Well, do you know who I am?" asked the girl.
"No." replied the boy.
"I'm the principal's daughter." said the girl.
"And do you know who I am?" asked the boy.
"No," she replied.
"Thank goodness!" said the boy with a sigh of relief.

**dr#** · 19th September 2005, 11:35 AM

q. how do you get a {insert race} man on top of a roof?
a. tell him that drinks are on the house!

**NOV** · 21st September 2005, 07:09 AM

A mechanic was removing the cylinder heads from the motor of a car when he spotted a famous heart surgeon in his shop, waiting for the service manager to take a look at his car.

The mechanic shouted across the garage,"Hello Doctor! Please come over here for a minute."

The famous surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to the mechanic. The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked, "So doctor, look at this. I also open hearts, take valves out, grind 'em, put in new parts, and when I finish this, will work on a new one. So how come you get the big money, when you and I are doing basically the same work? "

The doctor leaned over and said : "Try doing it with the engine running."

**NOV** · 21st September 2005, 07:23 AM

This is an actual job application that a 75 year old senior citizen
submitted to Wal-Mart in Arkansas.

NAME: George Martin

SEX: Not lately, but I am looking for the right woman, (or at least, one who'll cooperate).

DESIRED POSITION: Company President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place.

DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.

EDUCATION: Yes.

LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.

PREVIOUS SALARY: A lot less than I'm worth.

MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.

REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.

HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.

PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m. Monday, Tuesday and Thursday.

DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.

MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?

DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD
PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 lbs.?: Of what?

DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that runs?"

HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes, so they tell me.

DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job - no, on my breaks - yes.

WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb, sexy, blonde, supermodel who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.

DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: Oh yes, absolutely.

SIGN HERE: Sagittarius

Wal-Mart ended up hiring the old man because he was so funny.

**NOV** · 21st September 2005, 09:16 AM

Why are hurricanes named after women?

Because they arrive all wet and wild and when they leave they take your house and your car.

Because they're noisy, make a huge mess, and if you look into their eyes there's nothing there.