Complications

[P_R]

good one! short and crisp. totally unexpected , filmy ending.

Thank You btr.

On second thoughts why not attempt to write in detail of your earlier (college days) conception of the now short story?

Problem is the impact. One time has an impact. When it is more than once, then it cannot be twist based. It should be about the content itself. To be so content driven, the characters need to be established better, so it takes up length and fluff which cannot fully do justice to a single point concept. 2-3 thadavai try paNNi vittuttEn. I think this is as much as can be done for this story.

hope to read more!

Here's another old one. A lighter one. Or perhaps not.

[btr]

now i know old wine is always good in texture, colour and taste.
Cheers!

(ur how to write a story...)
keep penning

[chevy]

Woah!!! For someone who claims lack of maturityas a writer, that was some thought provoker!!

Yes, as Mrs PP says, was it indeed so unexpected, or more inevitable? So much for the doctor promising him there will be no complications!!!

who made that claim?? i am a big PR visiri. lol.
Prabhu Ram. Short and impressive. Brevity isn't easy.

[chevy]

I will hide behind the fact that I wrote the first draft when I was in college.
I admit, the twist holds a lot in the overall impact of the story.
The original idea was to write a longer story with multiple parallel threads each with such reversals due to unsaid 'complications' inbetween left to the readers' inference. adhu avvaLavu sariyA varalainnu vittuttEn.

Agree. It's hard to run the long story idea. There is the attempt to write longer . I end up dragging it and making it boring to the extent that I give up myself. Lol. When's the next update or this is it?

[P_R]

Thanks chevy

I end up dragging it and making it boring to the extent that I give up myself. Lol. When's the next update or this is it?

This is it...for now

Matsuo Basho - considered the founder of haiku - once called his pupil and told him how the last line of one of the poems he had written ten years back could be changed to make it better. What an agonizing, self-conscious git !

[Querida]

Well look at the gem I unearthed today
I feel divided: you did make a well placed shock but I also would have loved to have read more. So I admire your piece, however (cruelly) brief, but ask you to consider writing more (maybe longer pieces).

He knew without looking that even with such a gentle press she was turning red leaving his finger marks.

such a small but personal detail that shows the depth of the relationship they had shared...or so that's what it makes me think of. The skill of showing an emotion through detail instead of just expressing it, is a talent not to be wasted.

[P_R]

Thank You Q

However I think whatever manipulative impact this one managed was due to the length and where exactly it got over.

When I am scraggy old man past sucking in his abs, I see myself boring the wits out of a sub reporter interviewer about how the overarching theme of my life's work is the change in life/times/circumstances/people to the extreme that makes it tough to take oneself seriously/hesitant to invest in emotions etc.

This work started as a poem. The vestiges of that are visible, I would self-obsessively hint, in the peristent rhythm of lines like "gauze strapped over the wrist she slit". But by then, the germ of anti-blank verse had strongly engulfed my literary persona. After some efforts to get it to some acceptable metre and rhythm were disastrous and frivolous, I paid obeisances to Kamban and wrote it as a short story

PS: Here is another attempt.

[Querida]

This work started as a poem. The vestiges of that are visible, I would self-obsessively hint, in the peristent rhythm of lines like "gauze strapped over the wrist she slit". But by then, the germ of anti-blank verse had strongly engulfed my literary persona. After some efforts to get it to some acceptable metre and rhythm were disastrous and frivolous, I paid obeisances to Kamban and wrote it as a short story

I empathize with this little literary qualm, the same thing has happened to me...but the starter was a story and the end result was a poem. Anyways, Kudos! PR. I'd like to think that your piece is like a palimpsest in which your poem's lines have shone through your prose.