Expecting replies from Married with Children hubbers :)

[ssanjinika]

This weekend the 6 of us (3 couples) met up for a weekend of fun and laughter.We try to do that often..atleast twice a month if not more.We all live in different cities but within driving distance from eachother. After an awesome lunch while we were wondering what to do next my friends - a couple married for 3 years suddenly said that they had an announcement to make-yep they were going to be proud parents in lil more than 7 months time. There was a min of stunned silence.Ohh they were planning on having children some time just as we were..Of course we also love kids.Love the way they look with their cute adorable smile..smile at their attempts at crawling,walking..Enjoy their mazhalai..
We are planning on having them some day...but how did they decide that the time was rite??How does anyone decide that the time is right?
After being married for over 2 years does it automatically mean that we are ready for sleepless nights and cholic,For scrapped knees and broken teeth.Please dont tell me that you will know when the time is right ...I am worried that that time might never come Is there any instant which makes you feel ready or will you always be worried that you wont be handle the responsibility and still go ahead and bring a scrap of humanity into this world? Hubbers with children do you have any advice for me?

[hehehewalrus]

can we merge this with the other thread started by blahblah?

[ssanjinika]

sure..if the topic is the same

[stranger]

Well, in ur friends' case, it could have been an accident. You never know. Such accidents help solving some "big problems" like for a # of " modern lucky couples" who are in a dilemma for years. Of course we all have to be "proud parents" when sharing that news to others whether we mean it or not 8) It is very difficult to answer or give a suggestion for "unknown faceless couple" by a stranger sitting in the other end without any clue or whatsoever about that paricular couple. However, I will try to write something sensible as u r genuinely interested in knowing. As u r in just above ur mid-twenties u r not that close to the "dead-line". Good planning is always good but the second and third phases of life are filled with very unpredictable tough lessons where planning may not help that much. You can choose your spouse carefully but u cant quite do that when it comes to your child. You just have to be optimistic and "over confident". And you just have got to learn to live with the outcome as u r fully responsible for that. It is best to just go for it when one "feels" it. You can always blame it on God if you later found "lessons" are too tough to deal with. BTW, u dont want to have teenage kids when u r retiring unless God gives u one.

[rajraj]

Of course we also love kids.Love the way they look with their cute adorable smile..smile at their attempts at crawling,walking..Enjoy their mazhalai..
We are planning on having them some day...but how did they decide that the time was rite??How does anyone decide that the time is right?

sanjinika: Cute adorable smiles, crawling, walking and mazhalai will disappear before you know it and you will have a teenager in your hands. That is when your fun starts.
Doctors suggest that you have a baby before you are thirty to minimize complications in pregnancy. 35 at the latest, I think. If you are planning on more than one space them apart by about two years.
A word of caution: Bringing up children in the US takes a lot of effort!

[Cinefan]

sanjinika,
From personal experience I&my wife never experienced the 'time has come'feeling.Both of us were dead scared of having children,more so myself.The thought of having such a huge responsibility frightened me.Just imagine how we felt when 'the accident'happened.It took us a week just to have the 'we are going to be parents'feeling sink in.I went to the extent of telling my wife to go in for an abortion

Fortunately my wife put her foot down,instilled some sense in me&we went ahead.Now we have a 1 1/2 year brat(Dictator as PP madam will say)&it's been a roller coaster ride-throughly enjoyable.

There has been so many times when I have looked at my son's face&felt very guilty that I almost did not let him come into this world.

Of course,it helps a lot to be mentally prepared to have a child,plan accordingly&have one.But if the mind is resisting the idea,then stop procastinating&go ahead.it's tough but the kind of happiness children spread is worth any pain.

Also note that this happiness is short lived&they will grow up b4 you realise,but it's still worth it.

[pavalamani pragasam]

Cinefan is quite right. It is worth it all. When they grow upto stand on their own legs with their own families to look after a funny feeling of vacuum comes, still the pangs are sweet! 8)

[NM]

Doctors suggest that you have a baby before you are thirty to minimize complications in pregnancy. 35 at the latest, I think. If you are planning on more than one space them apart by about two years.

intha 35 age-a thaandittaa??

[shakthi]

this is one question that me and my better half always ask each other - were we prepared when the "accident" occured? Would it have been different if we had decided to have one much much later.

I personally don't think so - I guess even if we had waited 10 years we may not have been ready! Most of our friends (all in the same age group) also agree. then again we were all almost nearing 30 when we got married so I suppose we welcomed the baby (whether ready or not or actually planned for - there is always something that you need to do (establish your career, buy a house settle down etc etc the list is endless....)

However for the younger couple - I suppose you could still wait but not too long! I would think that late 20s and early 30s is just nice to have kids - you are a more matured person (this might not apply to all though!!) and could handle things better.

Anyway now taht I have my 2 kutties - life is SO meaningful & beautiful, I couldn't imagine being without them! U will never know the feelings / emotions you go through until u have them!

As a mother I look at things in a different perspective. Most things do not matter as much as our children. End of the day it is not when you have the baby but how you have the baby brought into this world & cherish them & be able to thank God for each moment of joy they give you.

[ssanjinika]

Thank you all for the insight..I just wanted to know if a person knew when the time is right..But as Cinefan put it I guess theres no "Time is right" feeling.I think if you can manage the expense and emotionally know that you will take care of a child to your best possible ability and some then you are ready .I am sure that there is no greater joy in this world than bring a baby into and watch him/her grow..but the idea just takes a bit of getting used to .