The Iraqi Wall Clock.

[gorgeous gaayini]

oh plz post it 2moro, plz plz plz.

[gorgeous gaayini]

Its tuesday now, plz update it. :P

[ssanjinika]

Phew!!!!
That was some story!
Hate waiting for the next instalment though.
So Surya please be a sweetie and post the installments close together.

[Querida]

Alright Surya...joined your little fan club...now sucked into your story...be a pal and install faster...or we'd just have to sic Mayor Rambo on ya! :P (sorry my iraqi wallclock's been working overtime saw your story when first put out but yeah well i read it now )

“ Everyone looked at me, except for big Joe, who decided o throw his head back and stare at the ceiling. Damn teens.”

Love that line!

I pulled my Cougar Magnum out of its holster and checked the bullets. It was all there. Why wouldn’t it be? I put it back. It was quiet, real quiet.

great eye for situation

"The librarian smiled again, so did I."

good one

Uhh cool it with the ah-hahs and bingos :P


your main character seems so honest and natural at his work, good thing that though you follow the generic stereotypes they work towards your story leading readers to have a sense of familiar recognition but not to the point of predictability...furthermore it sets up way more intrigue when you do break away from the pattern...hence the need to install more!

[Crab]

Subbu Anne,
I still don't know where the story is exactly going. I jsut have a rought outline. What ur next piece? U have to do an Ajith one!!

[gorgeous gaayini]

when is this gona b updated surya?!

[Surya]

Gaayu,
I've promised myself that I will write several chaps tonight. (THANK GOD IT"S FRIDAY!! IT"S BEEN A HELL OF A WEEK!!)

It will be posted by the latest tommorow.

[Surya]

First I want to thank everyone for reading my story. Q, Sanjinika, Gaayu, Ramas, Mini, Niro, Svaisn Ani, Rubras anne!!

And also Crab?? I guess??? I don't know what that is supposed to mean.

Kind of ironic that even though this is an action story, most of my readers are female! AWESOME!!

Sorry for the very late update guys. I'm writing more now-a-days so the updates will come at least twice a week from now on!

NOTE: There is some foul language in these chaps, I've put them in to make it look realistic!

Here it is....


9.

I asked him more, but he was in no condition to talk. I got up and smiled at the librarian on my way out, who was now looking at me like some Civil Rights violator. I ignored her. I got into my Camaro and drove home. Maybe I should tell the Mayor that his daughter was kidnapped by Russian or German guys. Maybe I will after I find out that Joe’s words hold water. I parked the Camaro in my designated parking area and went up to the stairs to my home/office. When I tried to push the key into the knob, the door swung open, the knob was torn off. I walked in. The door slammed behind me. I turned, and something slammed into my torso. I dropped the keys, and fell to my knees, and then to my face letting a puff of air out through my mouth. Someone turned me over and pulled the Magnum out of its holster, and shook all the bullets out and tossed it on my desk. I opened my eyes. There were three of them. Two of them were considerably huge, and one of them was short and bald, wearing a sky blue suit with a pink tie. Mob fashion. The short guy laughed and said “Hey Johnny, pick this prick up will-ya?” Italian. They were Italian, not German, not Russian, Italian. Johnny walked up to me and pulled me up with one hand. I was still breathing heavily holding my stomach. Johnny was strong, it was evident with his grip on my right arm. The short guy with the horrible tie walked up to my face and looked me in the eye. “So, you’re the private dick?” I smiled. He didn’t. “Do you know who we are and why we’re here?”
“I can take a hunch.” I said.
“Good! But let me clarify. We’re here to ask you get leave the Mayor alone. Get off of this case. Tell him you can’t find her, it’s too hard, too dangerous, you got a hernia what ever the fu*k ever! But get off of this case. You got it?”
“What family in Frisco are you from?” I asked. He didn’t like the question.
“You dicks always liked it the hard way don’t you?” he asked. I guess he liked using the term ‘dick.’ “Charlie, show this guy that we don’t fu*k around.” Charlie and Johnny in the Italian mafia. These guys get creative with their names. Charlie smiled at me showing me some of his rotten teeth and walked towards me while the dick walked away. I brought my right arm and punched Johnny in the neck. Too bad he didn’t have an Adam’s apple. Johnny’s head snapped back and he yelled and let got of my head grabbing his neck. I hit Charlie’s chin with the front of my boots. His head snapped back as well and he startled back. I turned sideways and jammed my boot heal into his gut. He fell back. The dick reached in for something. I wasn’t going to wait and find out. I picked up my Magnum from the desk and hit him hard enough on his nose to break it. But it didn’t. His nose turned into red mist. I grabbed his hand with my left, and reached into his jacket with my right. It was a baton. I pulled it out and hit Charlie on the back of the neck. He fell on the floor making a huge thud. I kicked the guy with the ugly tie in the groin, and he went down as well. I was forgetting something…Johnny! I turned around and took a solid punch on my jaw; I twirled around a couple times before hitting the hard wood floor. I might have broken a tooth. Charlie was trying to get up, the ugly tie man was almost knocked out, but Johnny was walking towards me reaching into his jacket. This time, I hoped it was a baton.


10.

He pulled out a 9mm Berretta, semi-automatic. That’s when Diesel ran in from the balcony and locked his jaw onto a good portion of Johnny’s wrist. Diesel, man’s best friend. Johnny screamed and punched Diesel’s forehead. But the Rockwiler didn’t let go. If had, he and I would have died right there. I got up. My head spinned and I fell back down. Johnny’s punch was like the kick of a mule. My eyes started to cloud. I got up again, this time holding on to my oak wood desk. I saw a huge brown smudge in front of me with a head, striking a black smudge with its left hand. I swung the baton with all my strength at some area in the brown fudge. Crack! Johnny’s ribs. My eyes came back in focus. Johnny was trying to get up. The guy with the ugly tie was gone. Charlie was on the ground. I looked at Johnny’s fists. No wonder they hurt. Brass Knuckles. They were like metal gloves covering his original knuckles. Diesel let go of his hand stepped back still growling at him, with his top lip up, revealing his bloodstained teeth. I picked up a couple bullets from the ground and reloaded the Magnum. Charlie looked up and saw the Magnum and looked like he was going to sh*t in his pants. I pointed it at him and he started crying. I looked at Johnny. He was down. “Where’s the short guy?” I asked.
“Who?” He was trembling and almost started to cry. “Rudy?” Rudy.
“Yes!”
“I’m right here!” A voice came from the kitchen. I looked. Rudy had an automatic Uzi in his right hand and had it pointing towards me. No one carries Uzi’s usually, but he did. I pulled the trigger. RFRFRFRF! I leaped behind my desk. Diesel ran out the door. I randomly pointed the Magnum over the desk and fired twice. Someone yelled. I was empty. The rest of the bullets were across the room. I prayed. Rudy walked around the desk. Johnny was now standing, and so was Charlie. But Johnny looked like he was drunk. His eyes were half closed and his mouth hung open. Charlie pulled me up and Rudy said “Now the only reason I ain’t doin you now is because we got orders prick! And that was to make sure you leave the Mayor’s case alone! Don’t do nothing Capishe?” I just started at him. Rudy looked at Charlie and smiled. Charlie leaned over and punched me some more in the ribs and again in the back of the head, saying
“You F*ck!! You F*ck!!” He was slow and he was stupid, but he was strong. He lifted my head by the hair and sort of shook my head and said “Get out of this case and keep your mouth shut or we’ll turn you into a fu*ing piece of Hamburg!! You got that? You got that fu*k?” I tried to claw into his eyes and I missed. My eyes weren’t working too well, and it was hard too past all the starbursts. Charlie kicked me again, and I was down. There was footsteps and a while later and engine roared downstairs and a car screeched away. Ain’t being a Private Investigator grand?

To be Continued….


So what do you think??

[Querida]

I really love the gritty humour of your lines:

I smiled. He didn’t.

“You dicks always liked it the hard way don’t you?” he asked. I guess he liked using the term ‘dick.’

Charlie and Johnny in the Italian mafia. These guys get creative with their names.

I picked up my Magnum from the desk and hit him hard enough on his nose to break it. But it didn’t.

I was forgetting something, Johnny!

but Johnny was walking towards me reaching into his jacket. This time, I hoped it was a baton.

No one carries Uzi’s usually, but he did.

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Ahem...it’s Rottweiler...unless of course you have mutant breed :P

I like how you described how things looked after “seeing stars” makes it more real.

Impeccable capturing of a tense scene:

I randomly pointed the Magnum over the desk and fired twice. Someone yelled. I was empty. The rest of the bullets were across the room. I prayed.

Never miss a beat with that sardonic tone:

Ain’t being a Private Investigator grand?

now i know how Charles Dickens fans felt after reading his serialized novels

if you write it, they will come :P

[nirosha sen]

awesome, Dude!! That's what my son says, Pa!!

Waiting for the next instalment, ever so patiently too!!