SONS OF BATMAN. PLEASE REVIEW.

[Surya]

Sons of Batman

Jethro looked at this watch. It read 23:00pm. He continued to stare at the 7-11 across the street. The manager had denied service to any delinquents. Jethro had been arrested for assault and battery a couple months ago. He had been in the papers. He had been famous. Two months in Juvenile Hall was supposed to straighten him up. But when have these things worked? He looked back. They were still there. Easy, Hook, Ice, Elvis and Sweetness. Easy and Hook were twins. Identical. They were both 6’0 with long blonde hair, and eyes that looked like blue beads of pearl. They were both wearing a Blue ECKO sweatshirt with their hoods on. Easy had gotten his name because he had never lost his temper. Even last year when he almost beat Charles Cole to death, the smile had never left his face. Had the best temperament that anyone had known. Hook got his name by clocking the security guard at the High School’s parking lot last year. His hook was known through Gotham High. Hook’s hook stung like a bitch. No one wanted to be at the receiving end. Ice was tying his shoe. He had gotten his name from the silver dye he used on his hair. At 5’9, and 189 lbs, he was known mostly around Gotham High as Ice the Dice for his addiction for gambling. He had gotten his black-belt and always carried a pair of Sharp brass knuckles which made sure he always won. Elvis was the 17 year old Freshman in High School. No nickname. It was real. He hadn’t gotten into too much disciplinary sh*t. Just once when he trashed his teacher’s car in 8th grade. Why? No one knows. Elvis was quite. Never talked. Never laughed. Never cried. Never did anything he didn’t want to. His constant visits to Juvenile Hall had toughened him up. Physically and Mentally. Sweetness opened his blue book bag. He was the only non-white person in the group as well as the biggest. His body showed that he had too many trips to the weight room. He hair was braided, and pushed back with a blue bandana. His shades were gold framed, and he had a tattoo on his left arm that said saying ‘Sweetness’ Jethro looked at his watch again. it was 23:01. “Where is it?” He asked.
“In here.” Sweetness pulled a small box out of his book bag and opened it to find a few masks inside. Everyone grabbed one. Jethro looked at his. It was one of a blue bat with pointy years. Reminded him of Batman. That was the point. He looked at the other. They were the same.
“Let’s go.” He said and slid his mask around his face and started towards the 7-11. So did everyone else. Clutched in their hands were solid wooden ball bats. “Easy, Hook, get the cameras. Ice, take whatever you can. Elvis, stay on lookout. Sweetness, stay with me.” They walked into the store. Easy and Hook ran to the cameras with their bats and started to swing. Muffled sounds of laughter came from Easy’s mask. Ice ran to the aisles shoving things inside bags. The manager, acting rather slowly, pulled out what looked like a Cougar Magnum .44. Sweetness gave gunman’s arm the hardest swing he could with his bat. The revolver dropped. The manager screamed. Easy and Hook still went at the cameras with their bats. Easy was still laughing. Ice was on his forth bag. Elvis was at the doorway looking outside. The Manager was on the floor, unconscious. What appeared to be a white twig was sticking out of his forearm. His bone. Jethro went to the register. His shoes made wet splats as he walked on the blood coming from the manager’s arm, which was now staining the tiles on the floor. The register opened and Jethro grabbed a handful of greens, and shoved them into a small garbage bag. He repeated this process until the register was empty. Hook had stopped. Easy was working on the last camera, still laughing. Crazy Bast*rd. Ice had filled all of his bags with goods. Sweetness was pulling the Manager away from the counter. “Let’s go!” Jethro ordered, as one by one everyone ran out of the Store. Easy still laughing.
TO BE CONTINUED.

I just typed this up. Haven't even proof-read it completly yet. Please review it.
Thanks!

[Querida]

hmmmm what was your influence this time..it sounds familiarly pop-cult again...but depends where you take it of course

oh maybe i missed it..why's sweetness called so?
Uhhh I think i know EZ :P

[coltsith]

surya: cool story 8)
querida: sorry to put you in the one liner; I'll put someone else next time.

[Surya]

Q! Thanks for my first review as usual.
Yes I realized that too. It does sound like the bank robbery one. But for a story like this, an intro robbery scene seems the easiest. :P Sweetness.....I haven't come up with a reason yet. But hopefully when I do, I'll find a way to explain.
Inspiration...well, C-man here is an artist, he drew this guy and said that he was from a gang called the sons of batman. And I just built a story off of that.

Thanks C-Man.

[Badri]

Sweetness.....I haven't come up with a reason yet. But hopefully when I do, I'll find a way to explain

Did you know that was one of the worst writing techniques ever? Start off with one idea and somehow trying to twist everything to fit in. You will end up with an artificial story, and artificial characters.

[Badri]

And I will personally try to come and kick you if you take offence to what I just said...

I am hoping you know me too well by now to take offence to what I say..

[Surya]

Badri,
yes I know, I've learnt that from expierence. One of the stories i wrote a few years ago was a disaster because of that. But hopefully with this story line, I might make a diff. Hopefully.

Offence?? From u? Oh Never!!

[nirosha sen]

Was it son of Batman or Son of Sam???!!! okay, okay, no poking fun, alright! Haven't read it thru, yet! Will give my summary when I'm less grouchy!

[Querida]

querida: sorry to put you in the one liner; I'll put someone else next time.

oh sorry why did i mess it up?
if you don't like it then change the post and i'll delete my lines ok?

[Surya]

Thanks yall!

Heres the next portion.

The roaring alarm went off for the ninth time letting me know that I had slept in. I brushed my teeth and took a shower. There was a knock on my Office/Home door. I looked that the clock on the wall. It read 12:38 pm. My office had been open for the past three hours. I threw some decent clothes on. A pair of Blue Jordan Shorts, and an Orange Hawaii Shirt that I had gotten on my visit to Maui last year, black Nike shoes. Something was missing. I ran to the couch and grabbed my shoulder holster equipped with my twin 9mms, and threw it around my shoulders. Another knock. I looked at myself. Decent enough. Drop dead handsome. Perfect. I walked to the door and waited for another knock. Knock-knock. I opened the door. An elderly bald man with a caste on his right arm stood on the other side with an attractive young woman who seemed to be around 20. He was wearing a pair of blue jeans, and a white T-Shirt, and she was wearing a black skirt and a white dress-shirt, with the first three buttons un-buttoned. Sexy. "Hello" I smiled.
"Hello." She said, he didn't say anything. I moved out of their way.
"Come in." They did and took a look around my home office. So did I. Posters of Micheal Jordan, and Magic covered my walls, The couch was in the North-East corner of my room, and my working desk was facing South, looking into the beautiful scenery of the Gotham Beach. ...


Crap!! I gotta go! I'll write the rest later today hopefully. Sorry.

Later. 8)