Talking With Children About Alcohol and Drugs

[NOV]

The issue of drugs can be confusing to young children. If drugs are so dangerous, why is the family medicine cabinet full of them? And why do TV, movies, music and advertising often make drug and alcohol use look so cool?

We need to help our children to distinguish fact from fiction - and it's never too soon to begin. Studies show that the average age when a child first tries alcohol is 11; for marijuana, it's 12. Many children become curious about these substances even sooner. So let's get started!

Listen carefully

Student surveys reveal that when parents listen to their children's feelings and concerns, their children feel comfortable talking with them and are more likely to stay drug-free.

Role play how to say "no"

Role play ways in which your child can refuse to go along with his friends without becoming a social outcast. Try something like this, "Let's play a game. Suppose you and your friends are at Tom's house after school and they find some beer in the refrigerator and ask you to join them in drinking it. The rule in our family is that children are not allowed to drink alcohol. So what could you say?"

If your child comes up with a good response, praise him. If he doesn't, offer a few suggestions like, "No, thanks. Let's go on the GameCube instead," or "No thanks. I don't drink beer. I need to keep fit for football"

Encourage choice

Allow your child plenty of opportunity to become a confident decision-maker. An 8-year-old is capable of deciding if he wants to invite lots of friends to his birthday party or just a close pal or two. A 12-year-old can choose whether she wants to go out to the youth club or join the school orchestra. As your child becomes
more skilled at making all kinds of good choices, both you and she will feel more secure in her ability to make the right decision concerning alcohol and drugs if and when the time arrives.

Provide age-appropriate information

Make sure the information that you offer fits the child's age and stage. When your 6 or 7-year-old is brushing his teeth, you can say, "There are lots of things we do to keep our bodies healthy, like brushing our teeth. But there are also things we shouldn't do because they hurt our bodies, like smoking or taking medicines
when we are not sick."

If you are watching TV with your 8 year-old and marijuana is mentioned on a program, you can say, "Do you know what marijuana is? It's a bad drug that can hurt your body." If your child has more questions, answer them. If not, let it go. Short, simple comments said and repeated often enough will get the message across.

You can offer your older child the same message, but add more drug-specific information. For example, you might explain to your 12-year-old what marijuana and crack look like, their street names and how they can affect his body.

Establish a clear family position on drugs

It's okay to say, "We don't allow any drug use and children in this family are not allowed to drink alcohol. The only time that you can take any drugs is when the doctor or Mum or Dad gives you medicine when you're poorly. We made this rule because we love you very much and we know that drugs can hurt your body and make you very sick; some may even kill you. Do you have any
questions?"

Be a good example

Children will do what you do much more readily than what you say. So try not to reach for a beer or a glass of wine the minute you come home after a rough day; it sends the message that drinking is the best way to unwind. When children are present, offer dinner guests non-alcoholic drinks in addition to wine and spirits. And take care not to take pills - even 'over-the-counter' remedies - indiscriminately. Your behaviour needs to reflect your beliefs.

Discuss what makes a good friend

Since peer pressure is so important when it comes to children' involvement with drugs and alcohol, it makes good sense to talk with your children about what makes a good friend. To an 8-year-old you might say, "A good friend is someone who enjoys the same games and activities that you do and who is fun to be around."

11 to 12-year-olds can understand that a friend is someone who shares their values and experiences, respects their decisions and listens to their feelings. Once you get these concepts across, your children will understand that "friends" who pressure them to drink or take drugs aren't friends at all.

Additionally, encouraging skills like sharing and co-operation - and strong involvement in enjoyable, healthy activities (such as team
sports or the Scouts) - will help your children make and maintain good friendships as they mature and increase the chance that they'll remain drug-free.

Build self-esteem

Children who feel good about themselves are much less likely than other children to turn to illegal substances. As parents, we can do many things to enhance our children's self-image. Here are some pointers:

Offer lots of praise for any job well done

If you need to criticise your child, talk about the action, not the person. If your son gets a maths problem wrong, it's better to say, "I think you added it up wrong. Let's try again."

Assign "do-able" jobs. A 6-year-old can bring her plate over to the sink after dinner; a 12-year-old can feed and walk the dog after school. Performing such duties and being praised for them helps your child feel good about himself.

Spend one-on-one time with your youngster. Setting aside at least 15 uninterrupted minutes per child per day to talk, play a game, or take a walk together, lets her know you care.

Say, "I love you" - nothing will make your child feel better.


Repeat the message

Information and lessons about drugs are important enough to repeat frequently. So be sure to answer your children's questions as often as they ask them to initiate conversation whenever the opportunity arises.

If you suspect a problem don't let pride prevent you from seeking help.

While children under age 12 rarely develop a substance abuse problem, it can (and does) happen. If your child becomes withdrawn, loses weight, starts doing poorly in school, turns extremely moody, has 'glassy' eyes - or if the drugs in your medicine cabinet seem to be disappearing too quickly - talk with your child. You'll be helping your youngster to a healthier, happier
future.


Some Questions & Answers

Why do people take bad or illegal drugs?

There are lots of reasons. Maybe they don't know how dangerous they are. Or maybe they feel bad about themselves - or don't know how to handle their problems. Or maybe they don't have parents they can talk to. Why do you think they do it?

Why are some drugs good and some drugs bad for you?

When you are poorly, the drugs the doctor gives you help you get better. But if you take these drugs when you're healthy, they can make you sick. Also, there are some drugs, like marijuana or crack that are never good for you. To be safe, never ever take any drugs
unless Mum, Dad or the doctor says it's okay.

[Badri]

Excellent post Nov. I think you have covered that most important aspect of Peer Pressure.

I am currently working with some youth in Australia, helping them deal with some problems, and the most important thing that comes up is Peer Pressure. Half the time, kids do things because they don't want to look "un-cool" in front of others. Kids that don't do all the wild things are often taunted and made fun of, and so, they give it a shot at least once. Sometimes, they get hooked and that is whe the problems start.

In fact, it is really sad how sometimes they are forced into it just because of peer pressure. Children who have been brought up in traditional families sometimes have had values drilled into them from early childhood. They are fully aware that what they are doing is wrong, and sometimes, they don't even want to do it in the first place. But the alternative is being branded uncool, or nerdish. And every child of today dreads that more than anything else. Social ostracism hurts badly, and even adults are not immune to it. What to speak of young minds that are threatened by a general boycott!

Added to that is the teen fancies that they develop for one or the other of their classmates/seniors. Just to impress these few, they are willing to do even something that is dangerous to them.

When listening to some of their stories, I feel terrible! We can only wish that more and more parents wake up to the ugly reality of peer pressure and do everything they can to raise their children to be strong enough to face up to it.

I wonder if Mrs PP would have anything to share with us in this matter.

[pavalamani pragasam]

Congrats, Nov, for the extremely sensible, timely posting! I have read in many news articles about this bane of “peer pressure”. Surely only good parenting & sympathetic understanding, guidance at home can help solve the problem.

At present I am happily relieved personally having brought up our 2 sons & 1 daughter as healthy adults and accountable citizens. All of them are now married off & peacefully settled in married life. My immediate concern is not for my children. My grandsons are too young, the eldest only 5. They are in capable hands too! That is why I now concentrate on establishing an awareness for youth in general, for the whole world, about good values.

I sincerely hope all parents & parents-to-be benefit by this wonderful thread.

[NOV]

Thanks Badri & PP.

PP, please share your thoughts on moulding and influencing youth to rise above temptations, that are so easily available during these times we live in. Your experiences in raising your own children, would be pointers for all of us.
How can we make them "see the light" without appearing judgemental or over-advisory?

[NOV]

What Is Alcoholism?

Alcoholism is a disease that is characterized by the following:

Craving: A strong need, or compulsion, to drink.

Loss of control: The frequent inability to stop drinking once a person has begun.

Physical dependence: The occurrence of withdrawal
symptoms, such as nausea, sweating, shakiness, and anxiety, when alcohol use is stopped after a period of heavy drinking. These symptoms are usually relieved by drinking alcohol or by taking another sedative drug.

Alcoholism Tolerance: The need for increasing amounts of alcohol in order to get "high." Alcoholism has little to do with what kind of alcohol one drinks, how long one has been drinking, or even exactly how much alcohol one consumes. But it has a great deal to do with a person's uncontrollable need for alcohol.

This description of alcoholism helps us understand why most alcoholics can't just "use a little willpower" to stop drinking. He or she is frequently in the grip of a powerful craving for alcohol, a need that can feel as strong as the need for food or water.

While some people are able to recover without help, the majority of alcoholic individuals need outside assistance to recover from their disease. With support and treatment, many individuals are able to stop drinking and rebuild their lives.

Many people wonder: why can some individuals use alcohol without problems, while others are utterly unable to control their drinking? Recent research has demonstrated that for many people a vulnerability to alcoholism is inherited.

Yet it is important to recognize that aspects of a person's environment, such as peer pressure and the availability of alcohol, also are significant influences.

Both inherited and environmental influences are called "risk factors." But risk is not destiny. Just because alcoholism tends to run in families doesn't mean that a child of an alcoholic parent will
automatically develop alcoholism.

Can Alcoholism Be Cured?

While alcoholism is a treatable disease, a cure is not yet available. That means that even if an alcoholic has been sober for a long while and has regained health, he or she remains susceptible to relapse and must continue to avoid all alcoholic everages. "Cutting down" on drinking doesn't work; cutting out alcohol is necessary for a successful recovery.

However, even individuals who are determined to stay sober may suffer one or several "slips," or relapses, before achieving long-term sobriety. Relapses are very common and do not mean that a person has failed or cannot eventually recover from alcoholism.

Keep in mind, too, that every day that a recovering alcoholic has
stayed sober prior to a relapse is extremely valuable time, both to the individual and to his or her family. If a relapse occurs, it is very important to try to stop drinking once again and to get whatever additional support is needed to abstain from drinking.


Source: The National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and
Alcoholism (NIAAA).

[NM]

NOV - both are wonderful posts - very enlightening and are the very subjects of concern today!

[rajraj]

NOV,
If the parents don't drink the children won't. Parents are the role models for the children. If the children are kept occupied with a lot of activities they won't have time for trying alchohol. That means one parent has to be there for the children all the time. When both parents work you are likely to see these problems. People have to understand that rasining children is a full time job!
I can relate to you something that happened in my family. We don't drink. We don't serve alchoholic beverages for our dinner guests. When we were preparing for a vacation in India, we went shopping with one of our sons. In the shop, I picked up a botle of Johnny Walker and put it in the cart. Our son saw that and exclaimed: 'appaa, you are buying that?' I told him that somebody in India asked for it.
His response: ' appaa, you should not dilute your values to please somebody else'. I picked up the bottle and put it back on the racks.
That was when we realized how much impact our behaviour had on the children! So, educating children about alchohol and drugs has to start with the parents being role models.

[pavalamani pragasam]

As rajraj has said, it is important for parents to be good role models in the first place. The very first art a child learns with relish is imitating what it sees & hears. If we guide him to what is imitably good we shall put him on the right groove. It is sad today to see tiny tots squirming like the shameless creatures on the tv screen. Watching the tv is unavoidable, but telling the children “this is a bad uncle”, “this is a bad drink” will be imprinted in the young mind. (The other day my grandson kept aloof a page in the weekly saying”akka shame shame-aa irukkaangka”)

If the parents have a deep sense of values, the children are bound to cultivate one too. In our household discipline is very important. Respect for elders, implicit obedience to parents’ words come naturally as habit in our families since the parents take time & energy to do their duty of childrearing seriously.

No over spoiling, no over rigidity. A right mix will do the trick. “Spare the rod, spoil the child”. “Carrot and stick” is a good method. By practice , without speaking openly, the rules of the family will come to established. By training to come into such a disciplined groove the parents can make the child’s mind strong & decisive about so many moral matters. By pointing out to the children what is good & what is bad parents enlighten their minds on ethics, social good & propriety.

We encouraged our children to read even before they could speak! It is a pleasure to watch the wide-eyed wonder as we narrate from illustrated story books. As they grew up they relished the children’s comics like Phantom stories and fables. We lavished on books. They devoured them. They were kept employed intellectually.( It is a pleasure to watch our eldest 5-year old grandson doing maths the abacus way- he learns it privately). We had all indoor games-carrom, chess, scrabble, Trade, playing cards etc. “A sound mind in a sound body”. They were encouraged to play in the street with other children, cricket or shuttlecock.

They had interesting hobbies. My hubby’s job being a transferable one we travelled from place to place seeing new faces, meeting new neighbours, getting new experiences. We got adapted easily to our life.

It is my policy “thOLukku mEl vaLarntha piLLai thOzan” meaning when a child has grown your shoulder height treat him like your friend. This companionship will encourage the children to confide, to discuss, to clarify everything without any hesitation.
We discuss with our children to this day everything under the sky. Mutual respect, trust, companionship maintained will help the children to walk in the right, straight path happily, successfully, prosperously however powerful a peer pressure may pour in from outside.

[Deep_Secrets]

Ha! People think of me as 'un-cool' and the likes but I don't do drugs! Maybe it depends on whether one is strong or weak mentally. Believe in yourself, ignore others, what they think or say. More than half of the world is so pathethic! Teenage problems, drugs, oh my world is falling apart I hate my parents teenage is soooo hard I can't take it blah blah so pathethic! Teenagers mostly. And yeah, the root problem is American teenagers. Spreading their shamefull ideas to other parts of the world, and since the whole world worships America (at least outwardly no one knows what's in the heart) like Indians (I don't care which ones) worship Lata Mangeshkar or Amitabh Bachan, the dominoe theory comes into play.

[Deep_Secrets]

It is a pleasure to watch our eldest 5-year old grandson doing maths the abacus way- he learns it privately).

Oh! I used to think you were young . All the more (bowhead)