OH GOD HELP ME........Novel

[Nichiro]

WARNING: If you had an abortion, miscarriage or pregnancy/childbirth related problems/tragedies please do not read this story.

The Beginning……….


Suddenly there was a feeling of being torn apart. I wanted to scream, but sound would not come out of my mouth. It was as if a big lump was choking me. There was darkness all around and the pain in each and every cell of my body was getting worse and worse. My senses were oscillating between dim awareness and obliviousness. I had only one thought. When will this pain cease.
This feeling of being torn off from something was very different. All of a sudden, it was as if I heard a roar of thousands of seas . I felt that I was trapped in huge waves .

I felt that I was sinking and going deeper and deeper . I could not breath anymore. My lungs felt crushed and as if my whole body was held in a vice and that vice was tightening.
I was struggling like a fish out of water. I could hear my moans and shouts of pain and helplessness . My eyes were open but could see nothing in seeming darkness that was every where. I wanted deliverance from this pain and misery.
For the first time ever, I cried out "God . . . . . . . . . . . please help me. "

Suddenly everything went silent and calm.
As if a magic wand had turned the whole scene . upside down.
I found myself floating like a bird. I saw myself sleeping on the bed and the doctor had his palm on my eyes and they were closed now. But I was seeing . I really could not understand what had happened.
Out of nowhere I heard a voice, "come. . . . . . . . . . . . it is time to go. . "

A twilight had set in in all the directions. I could see that it was neither day or night , there were no stars.
It was as if I was in a unrealistic world.
A deep sense of calmness and silence enveloped me.
"WHO IS IT?" I asked with fear.
"Think of me again and you will see a guide. "
"God please help me" I cried again.

A white robed figure appeared
. " You were a doctor is not it?" He asked.

"What do you mean" were "?
I am still a doctor. "

"Sorry to correct you but when you prayed God for the first time, I was sent to deliver you from your pain by releasing your soul from your body.
"YOU ARE THE SINFUL SOUL NOW "

I felt as if I was ether. I felt lighter than air and just floated.
"Follow me" Said the figure.
We just floated through and reached a place where there was absolute peace. A huge structure stood in air .
we were allowed to enter.
For the first time, I saw other beings similar to my guide.
Everyone looked same. I was puzzeled. Same faces?
I looked in a mirror in the hall which we entered. I too looked same as others except one thing.
Their bodies had an aura and I had none.

"Why is that I and all of you look alike but there is no aura about me?' I asked
That's because all of us are same. "
Did you not notice that we are neither males nor females?" My guide asked me.
It is then I noticed that we were all different from earthy beings.
We are just souls, a mere part of God supreme. We are neither male nor females.
We are all atoning for the sins which defiled our souls.
More you suffer in atonement , purer you become.
More the pure you become, more Godly you become.
So just imagine, how much God, the supreme power must be suffering for our sins?"

I was stunned. . . . . . . . . . . I had no answer to that.

We reached an assembly of supreme being .
"Your case was discussed before you came here , so now the time for judgement has come. So saying my guide disappeared.
There was a radiant figure sitting on a high pedestal.
There was absolute silence in the hall.
All eyes were on the figure.
Breaking the absolute silence, the figure on the high pedestal spoke.

"You were a Doctor and you had taken the oath to save the lives. Instead , in 1312 days that you were a doctor, you have killed 642 unborn babies. All of them were unborn girls. Of these 365 were killed without the knowledge of the mother. Rest were aborted by you on orders of the mother and the father of each unborn child. "
"Your sins for the murder of 365 unborn girls calls for punishment that is fitting your crimes.

Also killing of the other 277 foetuses of girl children calls for punishment of lesser degree.
So, I hereby want to award the following punishment.

When I created a woman, It was destined to be my best creation. In order to give her beauty and softness, I made her weaker than man.
I had one thought in my mind that man was strong so he will look after her. She was weak so she will always be with him seeking his support. Like a creeper and the tree they were made for each other. Thus they would match perfectly.

Instead , man tormented, tortured and exploited her. At every single opportunity, she was abused. Man went to such an extent, that he curtailed her freedom in every conceivable way. He did not spare a female of any age. When he found that females were increasing in numbers in his family or society, he did not hesitate killing new born baby girls.

After gaining superior knowledge in science, he found out new methods of finding out the gender of the unborn child.
He then found out the cruelest form of murder.
He started killing the defenceless, speechless girl child in the womb of the mother.
And you doctor, "The voice for the first time was raised in pain "killed 365 of those girls .
Each was destined by me for a full life. You cut short that Godly arrangement by aborting them and killing them.
Hence I want you to be tormented for their murder.

There is no pain greater than being a woman who is tormented.
You would suffer the torment suffered by females of all ages at the hands of those souls who you had killed.

Meaning, you would become the tormented female at different times and suffer untold misery , pain and shame. You would suffer so much that at each rebirth, you would know why you are suffering . You would recollect your sins for a brief moment before you enter a different body.

Your births will have no restrictions of time , place and space. You will go back in time and go forward as per my wish. You would enter the bodies of such women and girls at any point of time when they are suffering the worst pains. Their pains will be suffered by you as you will become her for those times. And then you would re-live the older painful times of her and suffer more.
This is your first punishment.

Speaking about the sins of the rest of the murders, you would suffer the pains as a witness to atrocities committed on yourself, by being a witness as a father, as a son, as a daughter or as a friend. You will live simultaneously in different people at the same time and suffer. This is your second punishment.
So I am sending you on a 365 births journey.
So. you are being sent back to earth . . . . . . . .

Suddenly I lost awareness of everything around me and found myself traveling thro' a tunnel like space. I don't know how long it was for .
I recollected my sins during the journey . So the first birth was about to happen.


MY SINS


Everything looked rosy to me. I had just finished my internship in a Poona hospital and now I was free to practice my art.
I , Neil Pinto Coelho was going to start my practice.
Father De Cunha would be the happiest person when I break the news to him. The old Mother Mary would dance a step in true Goanese style when he gathered her in his arms. She was as active at 88 years of age as he had been seeing her for the last twenty five years.

I started my life I don't know where but according to father De Cunha, whom I called Father D, had told me that I was found on the steps of the infant Jesus and Mary church one January morning. I was just a day old.

Not knowing the ways of bringing up a child being a celibate catholic priest, he struggled with his emotions when he was asked to decide what he wanted to do with the child.
If he wanted to keep the child, he had to get the permission from the diocese's office.

At the age of fifty five, he was neither here nor there. He had nothing he could call his own except the backyard of the church where he had a room. Mary pinto , the housemaid, cum major domo cum all in all was a weather beaten women of uncertain age but well past sixty and was still ruling his quarters and cooking for him. She declared that this was infant Jesus and he had come to him. Now he had to give him shelter.

Father D was a man of few words and did not contest the judgement of Mary who he jocularly called Mother Mary.
He applied with the diocese and trudged back and forth to the high priest's office till he got the permission to keep the child. But since he was a celibate priest, he could not adopt him. So they wanted Mary Pinto Coelho to be the official guardian. So I became her ward. But stayed with father D.

So me, the crying bundle of flesh was taken in the custody of father D .
Mary looked after my upbringing with an iron rule.
I grew up playing among the church pew and the altar. Father got me admitted in school.

When I passed my pre -university exams with top rank , father D got me admitted to the best medical college.
I , thus became a doctor in due time and also served in a Poona hospital for my internship.
Today , the internship was over and I almost ran home from Malad station to inform father that I would be starting my own clinic in Bombay.

When I reached the church, there was a crowd of people around the room.
I knew that something terrible had happened.
Father D and Mary's bodies were lying in coffins.
They were run over by electric train when they had tried to cross the tracks as they had done for the last forty years while coming back from the market every Saturday.

My whole world came crashing down.
Father had nothing to his credit. He had spent everything for me. Mary was dependent on father D for everything.
When I opened the files, I found his bank passbook , he had three thousand rupees in his bank account.

So I found myself back on the steps of the church with no one whom I could call as my own. I was angry with God and his Son. Both had done harm to no one in their lives , and yet they had such terrible deaths.
I decided that henceforth, I will have nothing to do with God. I became a non believer.


To be contd. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

[NM]

Nichiro,
I have only this to say...."WOW!!"...The Beginning is very descriptive and captivating.... Keep it up!! Looking forward to read more......

[pavalamani pragasam]

Simply superb, Nichiro! The passion, poignancy you feel pulsates throughout. Your pen must do wonders, I pray!

Though mine is a canvas of completely different fabric, I wish to inform you that I lose no chance to draw attention to general violence against women(there is my thread on it in the misc. section), & particularly female infanticide, the latter being dealt in my own way in the story “India smiles” in the story section.

[Nichiro]

Hello PP Madam,

I am deeply indebted to you Madam for encouraging a novice with pen.
I become the charecter when I write.I do not write from my head .
I do it guided by my heart.

Female foeticide is a subject too dear to my heart. That's why I wrote the Haiku which I am reposing here.


DEATH OF A GIRL CHILD

Tearful mother crushed small mouth
Firmly to her milk oozing breast and
The girl child was dead

Imagine the circumstances and social stigma that mother would have gone through to give birth to a female child.

[Nichiro]

Hello Dear Hubbers,

Here is the next episode of my novel.
Please let me have the feedback.



Oh God Help Me.......2nd chapter


I stood on the same steps of the church having the feeling of having been Orphaned for the second time in my life. Everyone but Aunt Maria, a distant cousin of Mother Mary had left. I had no place to go except her house, I was not allowed to stay in father D's room as it belonged to the church. Since he was no more, I was asked politely to find my own place. Aunt Maria was my only refuge but she too was as rich as a church mouse.
She lived in Shanty chawl of Dharavi slum.

She was an ayah in a clinic and barely could manage two square meals per day for herself and her drunkard husband. They had no children.

"Ish he going to shtay with ush ?' Her husband drawled. It was evident that he was drunk in the morning itself.

"Yes, and don't you pick on him, I am warning you" Aunt Maria hissed back.

"I am not going to allow him to be used by you for getting money for your dirty liquor, as soon as he finds a job in a hospital I will ask him to leave." Added aunt Maria.

The very next day, I started my job hunt. I looked high and low but no hospital or clinic was prepared to offer a placement since I was a fresher and I had no Godfather.

I felt so much humiliated within a week that at one point of time that week I felt like throwing my degree certificate in the sea.
I was seeing even road side beggars making a cool collection at the end of of the day.

It was on the Sunday afternoon following my being orphaned that I saw a board ...."MERCY CLINIC" Prop. Dr.Mercy Tilak .
No degree was mentioned under the name. Scrawled besides the board in chalk was a line which changed my life till the very end.
It read "WANTED ASSISTANT DOCTOR "

This was in Dhobi Talao area in the old city of Bombay. Not far from Red light district of Forace Road.

I entered the bylane following the arrow mark to the clinic. It was a bylane where fresh air came only if the wind blew from top to the bottom.

A garage was converted in a clinic.
I knocked at the glass door,
"Yes Come in" Shouted a feminine voice thick with age.

"There is no time for you sluts to get aborted, you come at all odd hours" Saying a weather beaten face appeared from behind the curtain which was never washed after it was hung there.

Oh ...Who are you ? Seeing me , a man, she checked her speech

"What do you want? Is Your girl friend or is your sister with the sin in her belly?She spoke matter of factly.

"You youngsters and oldies are all alike. Where is the girl?" She asked.

Er..In actuality...............I came here to meet Dr.Mercy Tilak . She wants an assistant doctor.

I am Dr.Mercy and I want an assistant. And this is my clinic."She showed the place with a flourish of her hand.

I saw a motor operated suction machine and a tray with rotary scrapper . There were some cervical stretchers and dilator devices.
A big light dome was overhanging a surgical table with a rubber mattress on top.

A red rubber sheet covered the lower half of the mattress.
This looked more like an operation theatre. I started feeling uncomfortable seeing all these.
This was not a doctor's clinic but a mini operation theatre.

"Tell me complete details about yourself first " she demanded.
I repeated the whole story about myself and Father D and Mother Mary.

She listened without any expression of interest or pity.
"Ok, I am prepared to retain a male help.She said.
Are you a Gynec? " I asked.

"I am more than a Gynecologist, I have thirty five years experience as a midwife and a OT assistant."

"But you have written Doctor in front of your name? I asked"

"Who will come if I don't write doctor before my name?" she asked me.
Have you come here asking questions or for work?

"Work" I replied.

Come to the point then . She asked point blank.

"I cannot give you regular salary.
My job depends upon the mistakes of men and women and girls.
When they make love, they do not take care.
If only they could count upto 28 , they would not be here. he..he.. "
She was sarcastic

Nowadays, the new Sonography machines have come which tell if the baby in the womb is a boy or a girl.
If it is a girl, they come to me to get aborted.

"One day, in this world, no woman will be left ............at this rate......Bloody ba*stards." She cursed.

When they are left with unwanted child, they come to me....crying.."Help me Mercy Auntie..........."

Some times I have nothing or some times I have five or six abortions per day."

My business is increasing and people come more after evening hours with their daughters and girl friends and wives.

If you are prepared, you can come after 5 pm daily and work here till night 12.

I charge 500 rupees per abortion.Drugs and injections are to clients account.

I will give 150 rupees per job.If you agree, you can start working right away".She added.

I will not work as an abortionist. I took an oath that I will preserve life at all costs. I declared .

"Oath my bloody foot." She said with a scorn.
This world is Mercy less, mark my words, only this Dr.Mercy will come to your help. She told with a ring of sureness in her voice.

"Decide fast.I give you one hour.I am going home after going to church.
I can't promise anything if you come back on Monday." She placed all her conditions in one sentence.

It was take it or leave it.

60 Minutes was the time and I had to take a decision.

A decision to sin or not to sin.
To live or to die.
To be hungry or not
To be a doctor with conscience or an abortionist without feelings.
I don't know when I left the clinic and how long I was on the road and side walks just thinking .
The only thing Important to me was to start somewhere.
And this place was the only place which would give me something to do profitably.

Since I had broken off with concept of GOD, Sin was nothing at this juncture in my life.

I knocked at the door again .

"I knew that you would come back .That's why I did not go home. Saying, she opened the door for me..

"I have some conditions" I told her.

"I would live in the clinic" since I have no place to stay. " I told her.

But where will you eat and bathe etc?"She was curious.

Don't worry about that I will manage that part."

She made a fast calculation.Now she would be able to get more business if the clinic was open 24 hours a day.

"In such a case, You will not refuse any business at any given time of the day".She demanded

"I will not charge you for lodging."
Is it ok with you?

"Yes.". I replied with an eagerness unknown to me.

"Then start working from now itself."..........

There was a knock at the door.

"Here comes your first case."She winked at me.

I opened the door and saw a doe eyed girl from Nepal with a man.....

And thus started my reason for 365 birth journey........................................... ......................


To be continued.

[pavalamani pragasam]

The stark naked facts slap on the face! Enough horror to shake one out of complacency!

[Nichiro]

Hello Dear Hubbers,
As PP madam said, the stark naked truth slaps you in face.
The fireworks start from today...
Nichiro


Oh God Help Me....3rd posting

3rd Posting



Coninued from last posting.


"Come in" Mercy madam welcomed the visitors.

"So. . . . . . . this is the girl you had told me about ?"

"How many times I have told the "F*##@ing* minister to be careful." Mercy Madam clinched her

teeth and hissed.

"The old goat will never learn. . . . . . . . . . and you . his Bhadva (broker) will bring him

only babies. You are all bloody cradle snachers.

You have nothing called shame? Look at this child. . she can't be more than sixteen or

seventeen.

And from where have you kidnapped her. . . . . . ? Nepal ?" Sister Mercy was seething with rage.


This showed a different dimension of her character.


"Hey. . Aunty. .Bheja Thanda Rakh . Khali pili bakwas nai mangta. . kya? (Hey aunty. keep cool. no blabbering unnecessarily. )

Tumko apana kaam se matlab hai ki nahi? ( keep yourself upto your work)

The man who looked like a villain from a third rate movie shouted back in typical Bombay bhai lingo.

For the first time that man looked at me and asked, "Ye naya popat kaun hey?" (who is this new

parrot (boy)?

"Main naya Doctor hun" I replied feeling uncomfortable at obvious reference to my maleness.

"Thik hai. . ye chokari ko saaf karna maangta hai. "

(ok. . . this girl needs to be cleaned (aborted) )

"Aur Suno....Munh Bandh Rakhne ka kya ? Khola to Lamba kar dunga."

(Keep your mouth closed , or else, you will be killed)

He threatened showing the bulge of a revolver in his pants. I was just too stunned to react .


Mercy madam had prepared a prescription in the meanwhile. She was still visibly angry.

"Ye dawai maangta hai lekar aao". (bring these medicines) she gave the prescription to the

companion of the girl.

"Aisa faltu kaam karne ka apun ke paas time nahi hai. (I don't have time for such stupid work)

Yeh lo paisa" saying, he threw two five hundred rupees notes.

Aur dekho, samaal ke kaam karna . . . . . samze kya? Minister saab ki ye khaas ladki hai. (and be

careful when you abort . This girl is a favorite of the minister )

'Main teen ghante ke baad aaunga" (I will be back after three hours. )

Saying so, he left.


The whole discussion had taken hardly five minutes.



"Good afternoon doctor" The girl spoke for the first time in English with a pure British accent.

Both myself and Mercy madam were surprised and shocked.

"What"? ? ? You speak English? I asked with incredulous feeling showing in my speech.

"Better than you do, I am educated in a Scottish convent in Nepal. " The girl said.

"But how are you in company of these Devils?" Mercy madam was still not out of shock

"That is a long story. And I do not want to go into the details.

I would appreciate if you and madam would put me out of this misery ",The girl told us with a

chocked voice.

She had a very light creamy skin. A perfect pair of brown eyes and a very beautiful face.

She had a fine dimpled chin which added to her beauty.

"I would be thankful to you two." The girl had tears in her eyes.


"Come child, lie down on this table" Sister's voice became very soft and compassionate. This really surprised me.

The girl did as she was told.

"Ok, let me feel you" Sister lightly pressed her belly.

Looks as if you are only four to six weeks pregnant.

"Yes" replied the girl

First of all, let me know how old you are" Sister Mercy wanted to know.

"Old enough to carry a child " was the laconic reply.

"Don't act smart baby , let me know your age,

I am asking because, you might be able to carry a child but

your internal organs may not be mature as yet. And termination of pregnancy might do you harm.

If I can terminate it with the help of medicines, I do not want to operate upon you. "


Mercy Madam was now on a different plane altogether.


"I am twenty one" the girl informed.

But I will have to examine you properly. Mercy madam insisted.

"But there is this male doctor, ". . . . . . the girl was hesitant.

"He is more doctor than I am and he is here to help me. "

"And he is my Son" added Mercy madam .

This was another shock that afternoon coming from Mercy madam.

"Remove your clothes and put on this gown " There is a changing room behind the cutrain" . She ordered .

The girl obeyed and changed to the gown.

She proceeded to check her like a true gynac.

Do they feel tender ? Do you feel pain ? Mercy madam pressed the girl's breasts.

"Yes, its painful" the girl winced.

"Feel morning sickness ? Vomitting etc ?" Marcy Madam asked

Yes, for the last ten days , I feel early morning sickness, feel lethargic and have aversion to all sweets.

"Ok let me see" saying, She put on a new pair of latex gloves and applied lubricating jelly

liberally on her fingers and palm.

The girl squirmed a bit, Seeing the preparation.

"Don't worry my baby, it won't hurt. "She assured the girl.

I have the smallest pair of hands in Bombay"..declared Mercy Madam.

She did a thorough job taking care not to hurt her.

Yes, you are mature enough. The baby is thumb index sized.

We will use a spatula first and after loosening the bond with the uterus, we will use the

scrapper with suction.This would result in a little bleeding but nothing to worry.

You will be back to normal in a week.

This procedure would avoid unnecessary bleeding." She informed me. "Come check it for yourself"

she ordered me.

I had worked for some time in female ward in course of my internship and helped to deliver some

five or six children.

This was a part of my curriculum, but I had never aborted a foetus, and had never examined a girl

or a woman to check for pregnancy.

Touching a female this young and that too so intimately was unnerving thought for me.

"But you have already seen her". . . . . I protested.

"Don't be a prude , you will have to decide on tools to use on different patients.

So you will have to physically check each person before every job" She looked me in eyes and made

a point.

"See, press here, you would feel a little swelling. Check for the size of uterus and cross check

the dates of last menstrual cycle with the size of the foetus.

You are a man , so your hand would be large for young patients like this girl for physical

examination with fingers.

Use a probe and try to feel the obstruction. You can use a long handled spatula."

She started giving me my first lessons in the art of aborting .

'I will not use a general anesthesia on this girl.

I will be using a local anesthesia.

So bring Spinal Lidocain anesthesia injection with a disposable syringe . We would give her

spinal anesthesia.

Ok, that's enough for the day.

Now run like a good boy and bring all the medicines as per the prescription.

There is a medical store near the corner , just go there and handover this paper.

He would give the necessary supply.

And remind me tomorrow to get your prescription pads printed.

Also get your degree certificate tomorrow when you come back for good. " She fired instructions

all coming non stop at me one after the other.

"Ok Madam " is what I just could mumble.

I was trembling with an unknown feeling .

I brought the supplies and within next thirty minutes, madam had completed all the preparations

to abort the foetus.

"If you want, you can visit the bathroom now"

Later on you will not be able to do so for four hours." she told the girl

The girl meekly obeyed and returned.

"Sit bent on the bed girl"

Put your head between your knees while sitting hunched" Kanchi set hunched as instructed.

By the way, what is your name?"She asked.

"you can call me Kanchi" The girl replied.

I knew Kanchi meant a girl in Nepali language.

Ok, Neil count sixth to eigth vertebra bones from the lower end of the spine and give her the

anesthasia.

I did as I was told.

"Ok. Lie down and count up to ten. " Asked Mercy madam.

Do you feel anything?' she pinched the girl hard in the inner thigh after about five minutes.

"No" Kanchi replied.

Good. Nice job Neil.

Then she proceeded to complete the job on hand. She shot off pre operative commands .

"Rub the sterilizer, disinfect the pubic area.

Thankfully you are shaved.

Some sluts have forest growing and I need to use two blades to clean them...."she declared with

contempt.

And flush her utreus first with saline and then with disinfecting solution . After a standing time of three minutes, we will start the curetting procedure.

She was just as professional as any surgeon.

Wipe the instruments clean with disinfectant check her blood pressure.

Don't worry darling , You will not feel anything. It will hardly take fifteen minutes. Then after

a rest of couple of hours, you can go home.

Home? Oh God. . . . . how you came to this . . . . . . . ?"

Madam was visibly pained. I just could not understand sister Mercy.

She was blowing hot and cold suddenly.

"I know what Home must mean to you.

You are here because of your family back home in Nepal isn't it?

You must be from a Military background.

This I can tell because you are a very brave girl. " She wiped droplets of sweat from Kanchi's

forehead very tenderly.

Relax my child. . . You are in safe hands". She patted her cheeks with love.



To be continued. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

[pavalamani pragasam]

Both the content and the carriage-narrative style- are engrossing! The characters are throbbing with life like real people in flesh and blood!

[scorpio]

Nichiro,

Bold topic indeed to write about but your style of narration requires even more boldness on part of hubbers,especially females to read. I agree, there are two sides to any coin and so is our life, full of extremities, good and bad. The premise of the novel -to make a sinner to atone for his sins -is noble but the narrative is highly disturbing. As a person who had to undergo termination of pregnancy on medical grounds, I just couldn't control my emotions after reading yr third chapter. Portraying reality in its true sense is a right given to authors like you, but I honestly think your descriptions are a bit too far.

I would request you to tone down yr narration and move with the story. If you feel such a thing will take out the soul of the story line, I would only request you to stop with this . Anyways, even if you decide to continue for the sake of other hubbers, it will not really bother me as this is my last visit to this thread.

Good day to you!

[pavalamani pragasam]

At last I get a chance to voice my feelings too!

I have long ago told Nichiro about my aversion to look into such vicious activities. The lurid details of such sordid matters make me recoil in pain.

In wanting to support Nichiro's belief in the might of pen I am landing myself unwittingly in a plight: a sickening feeling threatens to engulf me! I was more than happy ruminating happy, positive sides of humanity, wondering at the infinite capacity of humanity to prove its superiority in the animal kingdom.

Nichiro, I have spoken the truth about my preferences. We share an affinity for prose/poetry but not the choice of themes!