Couple of reasons why you should'nt take Dowry

**hehehewalrus** · 18th April 2005, 07:59 AM

Originally Posted by visu

Umm... The marriages are getting westernized too. I seriously doubt what fun we will have when we arrange by ourselves . Inviting parents as Guests like in west.

Visu, whats wrong with you?
If your parents arrange it, kanda kanda kezhaboltu kaala ellaam vizhundhu aasirvaadham vanganum. Mudhugu kalndu poirum.
Nammala nadathikitta "Perisu, vandhama, moi vechama, saptama-nu irukanum, kaal-thottings ellaam expect pannadhey"-nu orey poda potarlaam

Not to be taken literally of course

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**pavalamani pragasam** · 18th April 2005, 09:27 AM

hehewalrus, your argument is saddening! First of all there are many communities which dont have the prostrating for blessing custom. Secondly the venturesome youth can put the condition of leaving out the custom -beforehand to the elders, cant they? Why drive out the poor parents to the "guest" status? Dont they deserve better? Think! With more consideration!

**dev** · 18th April 2005, 10:09 AM

Guess this thread should be renamed to " Couple of reasons why U should take dowry"...

**hehehewalrus** · 18th April 2005, 11:19 AM

hi PP, my statement was made in 100% jest !!! I am actually an old fashioned sage whose mind is still stuck in the '1st battle of Panipat' era

**nirosha sen** · 18th April 2005, 04:00 PM

Aiyo Pa! I absolutely agree with all the old-fashioned customs of the Indian marriage. But what can one do, when one's parents are both dead?? Do we curl up and die too, or say Up Man Try???

That's precisely what my husband and I decided for ourselves. Anyway, his parents were both living overseas and yes, they both came down to officiate the wedding. But all the work in booking halls, registration by law, caterers, etc., naturally fell on our combined robust shoulders!!

We are certainly none the worse for wear!!

**Shekhar** · 18th April 2005, 05:41 PM

So all of you say I was wrong.
But I have no regrets. I have chosen my partner and it is my life. Right or wrong it is my decision and I have maturity to take responisbility for my decisions.
But to presume that chosing my partner, in any way indicate that I had no respect for my parents or that I didn't care is completely wrong. It was they who chose to shut me off. Between caste and son, they chose caste. It was their decision and they are responsible for it.
Looking back, the whole thing sounds so absurd. My wife became more close with my mother than with me. Any little issue she would run to my mother and I had to hear sermons and admonitions from my mother.
Now both my parents are dead. My self and my parents, both lost 3 years of mutual relationship. Should I carry the guilt? I refuse to do so.

**visu** · 18th April 2005, 09:17 PM

Originally Posted by hehehewalrus

Visu, whats wrong with you?
If your parents arrange it, kanda kanda kezhaboltu kaala ellaam vizhundhu aasirvaadham vanganum. Mudhugu kalndu poirum.
Nammala nadathikitta "Perisu, vandhama, moi vechama, saptama-nu irukanum, kaal-thottings ellaam expect pannadhey"-nu orey poda potarlaam

Not to be taken literally of course

Walrus brother!
In our place elders give "moi" only after falling at their feet.

**Querida** · 19th April 2005, 05:14 AM

Originally Posted by Shekhar

So all of you say I was wrong.
But I have no regrets. I have chosen my partner and it is my life. Right or wrong it is my decision and I have maturity to take responisbility for my decisions.
But to presume that chosing my partner, in any way indicate that I had no respect for my parents or that I didn't care is completely wrong. It was they who chose to shut me off. Between caste and son, they chose caste. It was their decision and they are responsible for it.
Looking back, the whole thing sounds so absurd. My wife became more close with my mother than with me. Any little issue she would run to my mother and I had to hear sermons and admonitions from my mother.
Now both my parents are dead. My self and my parents, both lost 3 years of mutual relationship. Should I carry the guilt? I refuse to do so.

you really meant 'everyone'?
what does your comment have to do with dowry?
Ok so you chose your partner are you saying you have just a 'right' as every other arranged guy to ask for dowry?
If they give it freely and are not in terrible debt because of it and it does not include wedding expenses(in your case) what's wrong with that?
Who can say what you did was right or wrong? It's your life, you made a choice,you had responsibility, you have no regrets...so that's good!

**Shekhar** · 19th April 2005, 09:27 AM

Originally Posted by Querida

you really meant 'everyone'?
what does your comment have to do with dowry?
Ok so you chose your partner are you saying you have just a 'right' as every other arranged guy to ask for dowry?
If they give it freely and are not in terrible debt because of it and it does not include wedding expenses(in your case) what's wrong with that?

My God! what a miscommunication! My comment was in response to censure on 'Westernised marriage, where parents are invited as guests', and leaning towards old cultural style marriage. I have objection to neither. It was a response mainly to PP Mam's comment and other's response to PP mam's comment.
Regarding my views on dowry, if you haven't perceived it what can I do. I thought it wouldn't be difficult for anybody to understand the difference between what I say in light humour, and what I believe.