Let's get hitched!!!!

[ajithfederer]

Wanted to do some extra-curricular activity for a long time. So wrote a short story. I apologize if somebody finds the adult content high. So here it goes. It's titled "Let's get Hitched".

Act 1:
Female: Wasn’t this your first day at the job?
MALE: Yep. Yeah.

F: How’s the new office?
M: Good.

F: Then, ….What happened?
M: Ahhh, Nothing. Some Intro’s and meetings. blah blah blah. You know the usual drill.

F: So?
M: What so??. ... (A small pause)… Enna?

F: Do you like the job dammit?. Verenna kekka poren.
M: Yeaahh ok…Let’s see how it goes the first month. Appuram paakalam.


m: hmmm Ok, (going to the routine daily question) so how was your day?
f: It was okay and getting to brass tacks first…….. your father called.

m: (Surprised)what????. No kidding, why did he call?. He’s not the one to talk to people outside his circle that easy. Velinaatula kuppai kotna ivvalo naalile enake aadikkum ammavasaikum call vandhale adhu adhisayam.
F: Yeah well, You(technically we) dragged it that far.

M: So a miracle happened, eh.so to speak.
f: Yes something like that. He was asking what we have decided.
Male: Marupadiyumaa??.
F: Aama.

M: So, nee enna sonne?
F: Naan valakkama solradhai dhan sonnen.
M: How did he take it?
F: (Chuckling sheepishly) You wouldn’t want to know. In short, a long lecture.

M: Hahaha, Sorry for letting you battle him alone. I didn’t think he would ever call you in the first place.
F: Naanum apdi than nenachen. But anyway since your Mom is no more there is an extra pressure on him from his close relatives, I think.
M: Yes, that has always been there.
F: I think we should do something.

M: (Surprisedly), Do something what?
F: You know!!....(shakes her shoulders up!!)
M: No, I don’t know.
F: (A blank/cold stare)

M: (Hands slightly stretched in front of his body): What?
F: Nothing!! … Murmurs in an inaudible voice.
M: Common, just tell me what you were about to say!
F: Onnum illa.

M: Pala thadavai solliruken, Edhai sonnalum theliva correctaa puriyura madhiri sollunnu.
F: Well, what’s the use( raising eyebrows sarcastically)?
M: Cool, so nothing then!
F: I didn’t say that!

M: Seri marupadiyum kekkaren. Enna problem?
F: I think we should change our decision.(In an Stern voice)
M: Who is saying this?. You or coming from anybody outside?
F: Does it matter?. Naan solren maathalamnu. Nee enna solrae?.

M: We’ve been through this before. Forget it, I Don’t want to go there again.
f: (Tone rising) What don’t go there again???.
M: Sweetie, can’t do this now. I gotta go. Will see you @ dinner. Saapadu irukkum illa?. Illa naan edhavadhu vaangittu varanuma?(Smilingly, trying to relax the situation)
F: (Goes into the bedroom and Door slams shut)
M: Hmmm (Mind voice)…..Innaikku thoongina madhiri than..

Act 2:

(In the meanwhile, M sends various joke sms’es, checking messages, even likes some of her posts/photos on fb for samalippu but no reaction from the other side. He even thinks about how he handled previous pressure cooker situation’s like this one in mind. Nope. He got nothing)

M: Poonai madhiri flat walkway la nadandhu vandhu tries to see through the peephole, Sees nothing absolutely nothing….The door is locked and tries to open the door by most carefully turning the key very slowly in order to avoid any noise….

Enters the apt, Turns on the light and scans the area. Ellam evening paatha madhiriye iruku. Keeps the lamb shawarma sandwich (which she likes) dinner he bought for her on the dining table.

M: (Talking within himself)Ok so, marupadiyum modhalerndhaaa!. Murugaa ennai kaapathu. Readies himself mentally and physically Ok, Goes and knocks on the bedroom door, gently….

No response from inside…then he again taps the door very firmly….Slight noise and then he hears her saying in a very feeble tone “What”???.

M: Saaptiya?
F: No response again….
M: Saaptiyannu ketten?.
F: A very loud “ILLAaaaaa”

M: (Takes his face/moves his body backward due to the noise)…ok Seri vaa sapdalam.
F: Enaku pasikala, you go and eat.
M: Naan sapda than poren. Unakkum vaangirukken, veliya va..
F: Repeating the previous response again.

M: Nee mathiyanum sapdalanu enaku theriyum. Pesama vaa
F: Well, what do you care?.
M: Well, technically we are live-in partners for the last 3-4 years. So I do & have to (care).
F: It’s more than 4 and a half, actually.

M: Oh avvalo naal ayiducha lets out a small smile and realizes this won’t help the situation and becomes serious again. Seri veliya vaa enakum pasikudhu. I didn’t have lunch as well.
F: Enaku vendam pasikala

m: Paaru, nee onnum chinna kolandha illa, sapdavaana sapdavaa
F: (No response)
M: yen ipdi panre?. Naan enna pannen. Thirumba sandai varumennu sollithan evening naan veliya ponen. We made a pact remember, We will not go to bed angry. Common lets not do this again. Our guy gets exhausted already)
F: (After a long silence of 1-2 mins) I will come and eat on one condition that we talk about that?. Okay aa?
M: Pauses for sometime…...and realiazes it is futile…….Seri vaa…. Door opens…The door opens and our Miss Non-Negotiable comes out.

[ajithfederer]

Act 3:

Dinner Table: Our guy tries to rush through his dinner but our maam is upto the task. She eats very little and always looks at him in his eyes and our guy tries the best to avoid eye contact. To diffuse the situation he tries to turn on the TV but little he did know there is a 7 and a half waiting there in the form of 2 and a half…(Monday night and its Two and a half men runnin on CBS which doesn’t help our fellow here as our madam hates Charlie harper and sheen. )

On seeing TAAHM on TV, our girl gets angry and says switch off the TV.
Guy: Why?
F: You know why?. I hate that main character Charlie!. In fact you know that I don’t like you liking that Character and that show.
M: Ah common don’t be like that, its just a sitcom, some damn tv show. avvalo than.

F: Avan real-lifelayum apdi than enaku theriyum.
M: Honey, this is Hollywood. Most of em are like that. Idhai ellam paaka mudyuma?

F: Nee yen avanukku vakkalathu vaangure. Why ru supporting him?
M: Support ellam illa, just saying. It’s nothing to get tensed about. avlo than…

F: oh apdiya?. tell me why do u like that show?
M: (Totally caught unexpectedly and realizes this is dangerous territory) our guy mumbles and says…Whattt?
F: I asked, why do u like that show?(In the very angriest of her voices)
M: clearing his tone. ahhuhmm. well that guy is funny and so is his brother character alan.. the kid is amazing and a host of other good characters..his mom, his stalker ex-gf rose and his sarcastic maid berta…our guy tries to add more and gets cut abruptly by...

F: I don’t think so.!
M: what?

f: I said I don’t think so!!
F: I think you like how Charlie lives his life in that show…carefree life, luxury cars, lots of money , sex with almost any random women.. zero accountability and most importantly your most dreaded word “COMMITMENT”.

M: (Mind voice: sethhan da innaikki) Apdi ellam illa ma!
F: Don’t Ma me!!!!

M: Our guy has no reply… looks around helplessly and tries to change the channel as he tries to talk. Our girl grabs the remote from his hand and mutes the tv adding to what Quentin Tarantino from Pulp fiction would term as an uncomfortable silence.
(15-20) seconds into that Uncomfortable silence

F: So?. Avan commitment illama orae jollyaa irukkan…adhanala thane unaku andha sitcom pudichirukku..oorula irukkira pombalai pinnadi ellam endha kavalayume illama sutharan…oru prechanai illama. plus he drinks whenever he wants. a total drunken ass womanizer life style which many men want but cant get in their real lives.. so this sitcom is a fantasy dream come true for you folks …. You used to be like that before. ippo nalla mattikittomnu nenaikure. appdi thane.
M: (heyy that’s too much)…I don’t even drink/smoke.

f: That’s not what I meant.
m: I’m not into other women like before. that’s BS. nee ennenamo pesare.

f: am i?? really?.
m: Look, I love you and I will always like you. …

f: (Interrupts him and says) love-la irundhu like-kku vandhachu.
m: for god sake, adhu oru flow-la vandadhu.
f: whatever, next??
m: I’ve always loved you and liked you. There is never going to be any change in that. Idhai vida enna periya commitment venum unakku?

f: don’t you think I deserve more than that?
m: I don’t…stumbling… what…. I don’t understand.
f: you don’t understand what?
m: Onnum illa..

f: so you have nothing to say?
m: Ipdi kelvi mela kelvi ketta evanalyum badhil solla mudiyadhu.
f: So, you think I am cornering you and putting pressure!
m: Apdi illa(which is totally false), I just need time to think
f: How long do you need?. How much more time you need?. We've done this before.
m: …………………………………..

f: (Out of the blue and breaking more ice) In an almost sobbing voice…we are not having sex like we used to have before.
m: Although our guy knows it he didn’t expect her to throw the bomb right away……..and says……(totally shocked and looking down on the floor for quite some time and says) I know!!!..
f: ennai paaru… inge paaru.. catches his face and makes him look at her…do you think there’s something wrong?.
m: Our guy doesn’t answer anything which is not helping but tries to say something but nothing comes out of his blank head.

f: You started thinking right, iva live-in r/ship laye ippdi nammala kelvi kekkura, Theriyama kalyanathukku okay sonnomna namma nelamai enna aagumnu nenaikure, palaya madhiriye irundhurukalamnu apdi thane?
m: Illai ma apdi ellam onnum illa. nothing like that.
F: (starts crying uncontrollably) Am I not attracting you anymore!???
M: What!!! God,,, No..i mean yes. you are very attractive. I am attracted only to you.

f: crying continues….
m: common ma, gets down on his knees near her dining table chair… enna ipdi pesare.. u know
f: then why?. (an emphatic) WHY????why did we stop doing it?. it’s been months!!!
m: it’s just the boss in the old job was a douche bag. The job search was time consuming. You know everything the whole nine yards… I’ve told you all this before.

f: Bull!!! I don’t believe it, You’ve been in similar situations’s before. I know offlate, you’ve added a lot of porn in your pc. I saw it. don’t lie now. I didn’t want to ask this.. Delete em all tomorrow. I don’t want to see it again. EVER..
M: our guy totally clean bowled (like tendulkar against anderson)..no response

f: why don’t you say something?. eppo paathalum naane pesaren. nee onnume pesa maatengure. say something now!!!!
F: Seri naane marupadiyum pesaren… Konja naala naanum paakuren. Kaalaila seekiram velila odidure, night late-aa naan thoonginadhukku appuram varey. Vandha odane poi bed-la paduthu thoongidure. Kaalaila b/f kooda enkooda ukkandhu sapdaradhilla munnaipola…You don’t even kiss me before we go out to work everyday anymore.
M:…………………

F: I asked for a marriage/a commitment, that was it, wasn’t it?
M: no…no illa…its just that work has been hectic…and you know some other stuff..you know
F: what other stuff?..you are in a new job now.
M: yeah…nothing….just too many things in the head these days..

F: Unga appa naama rendu perum seekiram kalyanam pannalanna avar side-lerndhu unaku ponnu ready aa irukaam. adhai than mathyanam phone-la sonnaru.

M: Our guy finally gets all macho …. bull shit…appdiya sonnan andha aalu. who is he to decide?. idhu en life. I’ve told him many times to leave me alone and not pressure me on marriage… I should have never given him your number to him in the first place….i’ve told him many times….i like you(comes out in a flow)….err… realizes his mistake again and corrects and says I love only you and we are taking this slownnu pala thadavai sollirukken avar kitta)

F: enga veetlayum…. en side layum ….neraya pressure irukku… you don’t understand anything…
M: no no//// I do
F: Enna you do.. look I am not asking anything extravagant… I just want a commitment from you.. nee seyya kooda vendaam, make me believe …just look at me and just say… ippove kooda vendam…just tell me we will be married 1, 2 or may b 3 yrs down the lane.. I just want that….

orrr

at-least lie to me ….like you did before we started all this..like when we were dating…you god-damn sweet talker …at-least lie….but lie convincinglyyyy… lie and make me believe in this fantasy we are doing now….

m:I don’t have to lie… I love you and always love you..
f: (in an loud angry voice)that’s not enough.

m: I’m not cheating on you or anything, if that’s what you think. You are the only woman in my life. Look we are both very tired & exhausted… why not talk about this tomorrow?.

f: Pechae maathadhe, I didn’t say you were cheating, we are not going anywhere. No, WE ARE SETTLING THIS NOW and forever.

m: Okay if that’s what you want… YESS we will marry..definitely marry but don’t ask me for a date/time/day or month. I don’t want to lie to you or say something now and end up not keeping the word. I will marry you. You will marry me but I can’t give a time. You happy now??. at-least give me that much. please…

A long pause and both of em tried to eat that sandwich and finally couldn’t do much about it.

Don’t know how long they sat @ the dinner table pretending to eat without moving and talking to each other. Some time later she starts to sleep and our already tired guy carries our sleeping lady into the bedroom and makes her sleep there. Totally tired our dude walks into the hall and dumps himself onto the couch to sleep.

F: After sometime into the night our lady gets up checks the hall and on our guy, She could hear him blabbering something as usual when he is in deep sleep. Confirming he is asleep picks up her cellphone opens up the message box which had the words “success and done” typed already. With a naughty smile on her face hits send button goes to frequently messaged contacts and picks the top name "Anu” and presses OK. Message SENT. Happily she jumps back to sleep.

(To be continued in “Let’s get Engaged).

[littlemaster1982]

Very good AF But I found the writing to be very casual. You could make it more story like.

[Ramakrishna]

Good one.... Looking forward to the continuation.

[ajithfederer]

Thanks lm and rk.

[Surya]

pls do continue stan!

[ajithfederer]

Thanks Surya

[pavalamani pragasam]

[thamiz]

///F: After sometime into the night our lady gets up checks the hall and on our guy, She could hear him blabbering something as usual when he is in deep sleep. Confirming he is asleep picks up her cellphone opens up the message box which had the words “success and done” typed already. With a naughty smile on her face hits send button goes to frequently messaged contacts and picks the top name "Anu” and presses OK. Message SENT. Happily she jumps back to sleep.///

Her happiness is not going to last long for sure!

[pavalamani pragasam]

Inexperienced, greedy, selfish cats thinking themselves to be smart!!! Hideous half-baked scheming based on base aims bound to bounce back!