I dont know which thread to share these thoughts. Hence chose this thread. This is ofcourse my conversation with my daughter. This is not a professionally written story, but just an amateurish, shabbily written conversation only to be shared here.
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Long ago, when I was 13 years or lil more my mom celebrated krishnashtami.
She would play bhajan song, I would listen to it and happily help her in her chores of making cheedais. In some book (may be gokulam for kids) I read a story of a boy actually waiting for krishna to come and eat snacks and savouries, and HE DID SEE krishna, though others just dismissed his version as kid's immatured talk.
I decided, I would also go out and sit in the steps and wait for him. MAY BE I CAN SEE HIM, and convince others I did see krishna coming and eating Food. I waited from 5ish to 6.ish and almost till 7. Krishna did not seem to come. I was dissapointed. I went in to check if cheedai etc was intact. Obviously as my dad, mom had tasted a lil, the quantity was less.
LO! I was 100 percent convinced KRISHNA DID COME and eat cheedai. Just that I could NOT see him :(
I tried silently sneaking in at 12 midnight to see him and I could not.
Every year, claiming I am agnostic, somewhere deep down my urge to peep into the pooja room at 12 midnight has not vanished. I still peep in and NO. KRISHNA IS NOT THERE.
And then... we grow up :lol2: ... stop believing or questioning the exitence of god! :) ...
Its all science, Krishna is just cluster of energy particles, who, when invoked may come. But it needs utmost devotion.
Ah ! Krishna he still keeps slipping me!
Who is he? Whats his nature. I am yet to grasp him.
Many years have passed and today, (my daughter as like other kids loves krishna) I celebrated my krishnaashmi with Vaish.
"amma krishna nijama varuvara"
"amaam vaishnavi, but he would come only at night 12 or so, when we are all asleep and U CANT SEE HIM (I dont want her to be dissapointed like me) ! "
then I made all cheedais, sweets, vadais, etc etc (with vasihavi peeping in often to see wht is happening, and constantly questioning what all krishna likes )
then I draw the feet. Small lil cute ones.
After one hour, Vaishnavi is calling me....
"amma amma kitchen vanthu paaru, u did not draw feet in the kitchen and there are 2 feet like structures there"
me: :shock:
and there it was... in the shape of foot, but did not look like its drawn, small foot, with some pattern. I did not draw it. How did it land up there? :?
I was so thrilled for 2 mins or so, then my rational mind started investigating. I soon found, vaish's house slippers had lil marks of foot which I had drawn.
So there it is she has stepped on and went into the kitchen too.
Vaish...its ur slipppers.
" I DID NOT wear it and go in. I REMEMBER. "
" okei vaish :| "
"oh my god, look at ur cheedais amma, quantity is less, he has EATEN IT"
" :| okei"
"amma, really he has come "
( I smile)
"but where is he"
(alright I dont wanna spoil a child's belief)
"oh he is invisible to human eyes vaish, u cant see him"
(then she goes in to pooja room, kisses krishna :shock: ) "did u really come krishna"
"oh he might have ...now leave it vaish"
"I am sooooooooo happy ma, krishna came to our house, FIRST :lol2: before everybody's house he came here :lol2: "
"hmm :) "
________
"Then can I eat my cheedai and appam now? "
"yeah"
(after 5 mins...)
"wowww vaishnavi see how soft the appams are! Do u like it? "
"yes amma verrrrrrrrrrry soft, I told u know krishna came...HE MUST HAVE LICKED IT"
:shock:
"whaaaaaaaaaaaat"
"ofcourse thats why its soft"
"hmmm :| "
"then why is the seedai not soft"
"seedai he eat with teeth how can it be soft, for appam he has used his tongue"
Me thinking (this imagination is unbelievable :| )
"amma which god created u"
(stumped again)
"eh not sure...u see god is one..."
"but u said, one god takes diff form, which form made u"
":| u better ask ur patti "
"which god did I come from"
"ur name is vaishnavi, so vishnu's sister vaishnodevi created u" (god plz ...whats happening)
"ah... vishnu means"
"vishnu means krishna"
"so krishna also blessed me when I was born"
"yeah"
"how did they bless me"
"uh... just saying nice things I supp"
"NO! they must have kept their hand on my hand and blessed me"
"YOU ARE RIGHT :shock: (what-more-now look I give pathetically) "
"see... I KNOW "
:)
" sEe, thats why I LOVE KRISHNA, and he loves me too"
:)
"thats why HE CAME TO OUR HOUSE FIRST"
"alright alright go watch cartoon "
"amma"
"ippo enna"
"krishna kku rukmini thaan wife-a"
"yeah and sathyabama too"
" :( "
"Why vaish whats up now?"
" Radha loves Krishna, Krishna loves Radha, they make a great pair"
" yeah Ive heard u tell it before. I know u are upset that he did not marry radha (this conv took place 2 years back) "
"radha makes krishna laugh and krishna make radha laugh"
"yeah yeah i know u are not very happy with krishna's decision not to marry radha"
:( amaam amma.... cha...krishna and radha only are nice... together!
" What shall we do now? "
" :( po amma! "
:roll:
" naama parka mudiyatha krishnava? ... if I see him, I WILL FORCE HIM to marry radha"
"sari sari...tv paaru"
....
A song kept ringing in my mind...
"பிறந்திருந்த போது நெஞ்சம் திறந்திருந்தது..
அந்த பிள்ளை நெஞ்சில் தெய்வம் வந்து குடியிருந்தது
வளர்ந்து வந்த போது நெஞ்சில் மயக்கம் வந்தது
அங்கு வாழ்ந்திருந்த தேய்வம் கொஞ்சம் விலகிக்கொண்டது"
I am still searching for my krishna... and he is easily accessed by kids!!!!
children have faith. What about me? Where did I lose it? Can I ever get back?
"kuzhanthaiyum deivamum gunathaal ondru...."
All I can do is...sing!