So what’s your attitude to “dating”? I would genuinely appreciate advice...

Dude

Give it a go, she may well be the right one for you, without "Experimenting" you can’t decide! 32 is not too old to get married, this is just a stereo type in our "man made" culture. I am sure you are old enough to understand the difference between "infatuation” and "Love"... nothing wrong in being friends with this lady and find out what she is like ... I grew up in UK and from personal experience Gujarati girls born and bred here are quite cultured, I know few of my SL Tamil friends married to Guji girls and are doing really well in life.

Going out on a date does not mean you are in love and you are about to get married next day? You got nothing to lose, if things don't work out then you can still be friends right?

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Originally Posted by Bipolar

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Okay, I know we’ve discussed this before…

But now I’m looking at it differently.

There’s a number of questions here…

I’m from Tamil Nadu originally. I’m 32. Still single.

Family want me to have an “arranged marriage.”

I’ve lived in the UK for many years now. I’ve met a North Indian woman here. I’m interested in her. We’re in the same line of work. But other than that, I probably don’t have much in common with her. She is good-looking. She’s North Indian, so I think maybe there are some cultural similarities.

I’m considering asking her out.

But… I don’t know if I’m about to waste my time.

If it doesn’t work out – if it turns out that we don’t have a lot in common, then I’ll be going back to the beginning. And it might damage my chances of an arranged marriage (“love failure case”-nnu edhaavadhu solleeduvaangalo-nnu oru bayam; yErkaNavE 32 vayasu aayiduchu… idhula indha thalavali vEra-yaa? prachchanayE vEndaam-nnu oru pakkam thONudhu).

But then again, it’s frustrating to be unable to form a relationship with someone that I actually have feelings for… and it’s frustrating having to wait for someone from a different place, someone that I didn’t actually impress myself…

If it was completely my choice, I would not mind waiting a little longer. I would not mind if I had to go through a few failed relationships to find “the one”. But as someone who lives within Tamil society, I don’t know if I will be hurting myself in the long run by getting into a relationship at this point, at this age. Senior folks here, your opinions here would be genuinely appreciated.

So, is 32 too old to be single (by Tamil social/cultural norms)?

Also, what’s the general view on “dating” in Tamil society these days? Are people more liberal? Or is it heavily frowned upon?

Anyone have similar experiences?

Let me say this again - I'm not asking "is it right or wrong" - I don't believe there is anything "wrong" with deciding one's own personal relationship/life choices. I'm asking - "from the point of view of Tamil social/cultural norms, what is the general view?"

I would genuinely appreciate your advice. What advice would you give if your nephew or your friend’s son was in this situation?



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So did you ask her out?

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Yes, am curious too!!!

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.........Find out after the commercial break...




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Okay, LOL, LOL, LOL... :-D

I didn't mean to be flippant with my last comment...

In the end, I did not ask her out...

We don't work together any more...


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Originally Posted by Bipolar

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Okay, LOL, LOL, LOL... :-D

I didn't mean to be flippant with my last comment...

In the end, I did not ask her out...

We don't work together any more...


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very sad. i was in UK for an official trip for three months and i ran into exact same situation. i dearly had a attraction to a girl and every day i used to think to ask her for taking her out but never did.. the day when i had to fly back to US, i went to a bar right below the office (i liked canary wharf for all their level 0 malls and bars) and took like a 5-6 shots smoked a few with a charged up confidence ran back to office and told her that i'm going for drinks and she wants to join me and she said ok let's go and my excitement and joy was shortlived soon after i figured she already had a boyfriend during drinks:banghead:

i still keep in touch with her as a friend but to this day i still regret for the hold up, it induces inferiority complex within brains. in western culture men has a more positive outlook and approach to women in general than our folks, probably it's the genes from roots and culture we lived in.

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Originally Posted by PR218

very sad. i was in UK for an official trip for three months and i ran into exact same situation. i dearly had a attraction to a girl and every day i used to think to ask her for taking her out but never did.. the day when i had to fly back to US, i went to a bar right below the office (i liked canary wharf for all their level 0 malls and bars) and took like a 5-6 shots smoked a few with a charged up confidence ran back to office and told her that i'm going for drinks and she wants to join me and she said ok let's go and my excitement and joy was shortlived soon after i figured she already had a boyfriend during drinks:banghead:

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lol So in the end you just bought her a drink for nothing :lol2: dude taking a girl out here is very common, it is like a walk in the park for them .. next time when you take a girl out ,I suggest you go to Wetherspoons pub in UK, drinks are a lot cheaper there compared to the "Docklands" ! in that way you wont loose much:lol2:

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Okay, listen, this thread is not simply about my story.

I just feel there needs to be a wider discussion within the Tamil community as to what the rules/norms should be.

The nature of society/social interactions is changing.

The "middle classes" seem to be very "conservative". "Upper classes" and "working classes" seem much more "liberal".

I'm no expert. I guess I'm from an "NRI"/"diaspora" background - and the funny thing is, within some sections of the Tamil "diaspora", attitudes are in fact more "conservative" than in Tamil Nadu.

Ultimately, the important thing is, every individual should have the space to make their own choice(s). It's frustrating when you don't have the freedom to make your own choice(s)/decision(s). It's frustrating when you have to follow a "timetable" decided by "society"/"culture".

So I'm just saying, the Tamil community needs to have a wider discussion.

Ultimately, it's all about "survival of the fittest". We mustn't be stuck in the past.


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So, that is how the younger generation feels! :sigh2:

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Originally Posted by Bipolar

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Ultimately, it's all about "survival of the fittest". We mustn't be stuck in the past.


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absolutely ! Just go with the flow, listen to your instincts , respect your parents / elders views .. in the end time (Kalabhairavar) will heal all... that is life (Maya) !