Hilarious Dialouges in American Movies.

Hey Guys, Just share some hilarious dialouges that u laughed to from American movies. :)

ANALYZE THIS:

The Situation is: Paul Viti (Robert DiNero) who is a Mobster, comes to Ben Sobel (Billy Crystal) who is a Psychiatrist to talk to him about an incident that happened to him last night when he was with his Girlfriend. He couldn't get an erection. And Billy Crystal says that it's probably because DeNiro is under a lot of Stress, so DeNiro goes:

RDN: So that's it? Just Stress??

BC: Yeah, Stress is a very powerful Force Mr.Vitti. I'd doubt if there is something Physically wrong with you.

RDN: Jeez thanks doc!! I can feel the Juices rushing back to my balls as we speak!

BC: Well there is something that I never thought I'd hear another man say to me!

:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

How about 'My Cousin Vinny'. I love the entire movie, especially this Marissa Tomei court scene:

D.A. Jim Trotter: Now, Ms. Vito, being an expert on general automotive knowledge, can you tell me... what would the correct ignition timing be on a 1955 Bel Air Chevrolet, with a 327 cubic-inch engine and a four-barrel carburetor?
Mona Lisa Vito: That's a bullshit question.
D.A. Jim Trotter: Does that mean that you can't answer it?
Mona Lisa Vito: It's a bullshit question, it's impossible to answer.
D.A. Jim Trotter: Impossible because you don't know the answer!
Mona Lisa Vito: Nobody could answer that question!
D.A. Jim Trotter: Your Honor, I move to disqualify Ms. Vito as an expert witness!
Judge Chamberlain Haller: Can you answer the question?
Mona Lisa Vito: No, it is a trick question!
Judge Chamberlain Haller: Why is it a trick question?
Vinny Gambini: [to Bill] Watch this.
Mona Lisa Vito: 'Cause Chevy didn't make a 327 in '55, the 327 didn't come out till '63. And it wasn't offered in the Bel Air with a four-barrel carb till '64. However, in 1964, the correct ignition timing would be four degrees before top-dead-center.
D.A. Jim Trotter: Well... uh... she's acceptable, Your Honor.
Vinny Gambini: Ms. Vito, it has been argued by me, the defense, that two sets of guys met up at the Sac-O-Suds, at the same time, driving identical metallic mint green 1964 Buick Skylark convertibles. Now, can you tell us by what you see in this picture, if the defense's case holds water?
[Lisa examines the picture]
Vinny Gambini: Ms. Vito, please answer the question: does the defense's case hold water?
Mona Lisa Vito: No! The defense is wrong!
Vinny Gambini: Are you sure?
Mona Lisa Vito: I'm positive.
Vinny Gambini: How could you be so sure?
Mona Lisa Vito: Because there is no way that these tire marks were made by a '64 Buick Skylark convertible. These marks were made by a 1963 Pontiac Tempest.
D.A. Jim Trotter: Objection, Your Honor! Can we clarify to the court whether the witness is stating opinion or fact?
Judge Chamberlain Haller: This is your opinion?
Mona Lisa Vito: It's a fact!
Vinny Gambini: I find it hard to believe that this kind of information could be ascertained simply by looking at a picture!
Mona Lisa Vito: Would you like me to explain?
Vinny Gambini: I would love to hear this!
Judge Chamberlain Haller: So would I.
Mona Lisa Vito: The car that made these two, equal-length tire marks had positraction. You can't make these marks without positraction, which was not available on the '64 Buick Skylark!
Vinny Gambini: And why not? What is positraction?
Mona Lisa Vito: It's a limited slip differential which distributes power equally to both the right and left tires. The '64 Skylark had a regular differential, which, anyone who's been stuck in the mud in Alabama knows, you step on the gas, one tire spins, the other tire does nothing.
[the jury members nod, with murmurs of "yes," "that's right," etc]
Vinny Gambini: Is that it?
Mona Lisa Vito: No, there's more! You see where the left tire mark goes up on the curb and the right tire mark stays flat and even? Well, the '64 Skylark had a solid rear axle, so when the left tire would go up on the curb, the right tire would tilt out and ride along its edge. But that didn't happen here. The tire mark stayed flat and even. This car had an independent rear suspension. Now, in the '60's, there were only two other cars made in America that had positraction, and independent rear suspension, and enough power to make these marks. One was the Corvette, which could never be confused with the Buick Skylark. The other had the same body length, height, weight, wheel base, and wheel track as the '64 Skylark, and that was the 1963 Pontiac Tempest.
Vinny Gambini: And because both cars were made by GM, were both cars available in metallic mint green paint?
Mona Lisa Vito: They were!
Vinny Gambini: Thank you, Ms. Vito. No more questions. Thank you very much.
[kissing her hands]
Vinny Gambini: You've been a lovely, lovely witness.

:rotfl: :lol: that was a good scene. I loved Joe in that movie the best though....Another scene from My Cousin Vinny.

The Karate Kid and the other guy...I don't know their names. They've just been arrested, and the Karate Kid calls his mom to ask her to find her a lawyer.

TKK: Hello Ma....yeah...I'm in Jail....No...ma....No, I didn't do anything...(All this time every cop in the Police Station is eavs dropping on them....because...it's the south. :lol:) No...ma...I think that.....that they're trying to frame us..u know how currupt it is down here. ( the cops look @ eachother.)

The other kid: And They're Inbred...they sleep with their sisters!!!

(Every Cop in the Station looks @ the other kid wiht fury)

The Other Kid: Some of them do......:(


:lol:

:lol: at those dialogues :rotfl:

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Surya

:rotfl: :lol: that was a good scene. I loved Joe in that movie the best though....

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I loved tat red '59 Cadillac they drive in tat movie the best though........:lol:
Yea I rem. it was a nice movie.....but forgot the name until I saw it here! Tks guys! :D
Btw. doesnt this guy Vinny act as one of the crooks in Home Alone? :)
And in this movie, i rem. he comes to the court wearing an old fashioned red suit/hat.........:lol:

Quote:

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doesnt this guy Vinny act as one of the crooks in Home Alone?

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Yes, I think that is Home Alone 3 or something when they leave the kid at home and go for the Europe trip.

He acted in many Martin Scorsese mafia movies, notably won an Oscar for 'Goodfellas'

Quote:

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i rem. he comes to the court wearing an old fashioned red suit

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thats a good one too, this was the dialogue:

[about his secondhand suit, which has an 18th-century look and is red]
Vinny Gambini: I bought a suit. You seen it. Now it's covered in mud. This town doesn't have a one hour cleaner so I had to buy a new suit, except the only store you could buy a new suit in has got the flu. Got that? The whole store got the flu so I had to get this in a second hand store. So it's either wear the leather jacket which I know you hate, or this. So I wore this ridiculous thing for you.
~~~~~~~~
Anyone seen Meet the Parents ? Remember this famous scene :lol:

[Greg is trying to fit his large bag into the overhead bin]
Flight Attendant: I'm sorry, sir, you're gonna have to check that.
Greg Focker: I got it.
Flight Attendant: No, I'm sorry, that bag won't fit.
Greg Focker: No, no, I'm not - hey, I'm not checking my bag, okay?
Flight Attendant: There's no need to raise your voice, sir.
Greg Focker: I'm not raising my voice. THIS WOULD BE RAISING MY VOICE TO YOU, okay? I don't want to check my bag, okay? And, by the way, your airline? You SUCK at checking bags, okay, because I already did that once and you lost it, and then I had everything screwed up very badly for me, okay?
Flight Attendant: Well, I can assure you that your bag will be placed safely below deck with the other luggage...
Greg Focker: Oh, yeah? How do you know my bag will be safe below with the other luggage? Huh? Are you physically going to take my bag and put it beneath the plane? Are you going to go right now outside, with the guys with the earmuffs, and go put it in there?
Flight Attendant: No...
Greg Focker: No? Okay, then shut your piehole and listen to me when I say that I am FINISHED with the checking-of-the-bags CONVERSATION.
Flight Attendant: Sir, we have a policy on this airline that if a bag is this large we take...
Greg Focker: okay you know what, take you scrubby little paws *off* my bag, okay? It's not like I have a bomb in here. It's not like I wanna blow up the plane. I just want to store my bag according to your safety regulations.
Flight Attendant: Sir, sir!
Greg Focker: Hey, hey, If you would take a second, take the little sticks out of your head, clean out your ears, and maybe you would see that I'm a person who has feelings, and all I have to do is do what I wanna do and all I want to do is hold on to my bag and not listen to you! And the only way that I would ever let go of my bag would be if you came over here right now and tried to pry it from my dead, lifeless fingers, okay? If you can get it from my kung-fu grip then you can come and have it, okay? Otherwise, step off, bitch.

and this....

Norm: I got a plane full of people saying you threatened that stewardess.
Greg Focker: I was not threatening her. I was just trying to get my bag into the overhead storage thing...
Norm: You were acting like a maniac and you threatened her with a bomb.
Greg Focker: No, I said I didn't have a bomb.
Norm: But you said bomb.
Greg Focker: I said, "It's not like I have a bomb".
Norm: You said "Bomb" on an airplane.
Greg Focker: What's wrong with saying 'Bomb' on an airplane?
Norm: You can't say 'Bomb' on an airplane!
Greg Focker: Bomb bomb bomb, bomb bomb bomb bomb bomb bomb bomb. You gonna arrest me? Bomb bomb bomb bomb! During the war I was a BOMBadier!
Norm: You assaulted an airline employee and I oughta put you away for years!

:lol: :rotfl: nn, ur those lines from "Meet the parents" isnt it towards the end of the film when stiller is returning home pissed with his inlaws?

there are other funny lines from the film.

Jack Byrnes: I guess the only thing to do now is meet his parents. I'm sure they're decent people. I mean they gotta be if they named their son Gaylord Focker.

:lol:

this movie "As good as it gets" is also quite funny, i love it infact. full of oneliners. some dialogues from it,


Melvin Udall(jackman): You make me want to be a better man.
Carol Connelly(helen hunt): ...That's maybe the best compliment of my life.
Melvin Udall: Well, maybe I overshot a little, because I was aiming at just enough to keep you from walking out.

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Carol: When you first entered the restaurant, I thought you were handsome... and then, of course, you spoke.

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Melvin Udall: Never, never, interrupt me, okay? Not if there's a fire, not even if you hear the sound of a thud from my home and one week later there's a smell coming from there that can only be a decaying human body and you have to hold a hanky to your face because the stench is so thick that you think you're going to faint. Even then, don't come knocking. Or, if it's election night, and you're excited and you wanna celebrate because some fudgepacker that you date has been elected the first queer president of the United States and he's going to have you down to Camp David, and you want someone to share the moment with. Even then, don't knock. Not on this door. Not for ANY reason. Do you get me, sweetheart?
Simon Bishop: [clears his throat] Uhm, yes. It's not a... subtle point that you're making.
Melvin Udall: Okay then.
[Shuts door in Simon's face]


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Receptionist: How do you write women so well?
Melvin Udall: I think of a man, and I take away reason and accountability.
:rotfl: (my fav)

As good as it gets is a brilliant movie :) and so is Meet the parents (and meet the fockers too :lol: )

"Your mom is so dumb that she goes to Dr Dre for a pap smear" :lol:

Quote:

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Originally Posted by rocketboy

"Your mom is so dumb that she goes to Dr Dre for a pap smear" :lol:

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This is from a movie I watched some time ago . I was searching for the movie title and was led to a site hosting similar moma's jokes. At the outset most of them look harmless but some may sound offensive. But the good thing about it is some insults are really very funny and out of the box. I will drop the moma's part out of it and post a few:

You are so dumb that you fell up the stairs.
You are so dumb that at bottom of application where it said Sign Here you had put Sagitarius.
You are so dumb that when I said Christmas was just round the corner
you went looking for it.
You are so dumb that you once asked me Whats the number for 911
You are so dumb that you needed a tutor to learn how to scribble.
You are so dumb that when you went to the airport and a sign said Airport Left you turned around and went home :rotfl: (Oh my God ! This is hilarious !! .How can people even think like this :lol: )

Quote:

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Originally Posted by rocketboy

Quote:

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Originally Posted by rocketboy

"Your mom is so dumb that she goes to Dr Dre for a pap smear" :lol:

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This is from a movie I watched some time ago . I was searching for the movie title and was led to a site hosting similar moma's jokes. At the outset most of them look harmless but some may sound offensive. But the good thing about it is some insults are really very funny and out of the box. I will drop the moma's part out of it and post a few:

You are so dumb that you fell up the stairs.
You are so dumb that at bottom of application where it said Sign Here you had put Sagitarius.
You are so dumb that when I said Christmas was just round the corner
you went looking for it.
You are so dumb that you once asked me Whats the number for 911
You are so dumb that you needed a tutor to learn how to scribble.
You are so dumb that when you went to the airport and a sign said Airport Left you turned around and went home :rotfl: (Oh my God ! This is hilarious !! .How can people even think like this :lol: )

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Eminem's 8 Mile by any chance???

Its from 'White Babes' .

Eminem has poked fun at Dr Dre(In 'The Real Slim Shady' he says
"And Dre said,
nothing idiots
Dr Dre's dead.
He's locked in my basement" ).
They are good friends. He has made an appearance in more than one Eminem video ( Just Lose It, Guilty Conscience).

Quote:

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Originally Posted by rocketboy

Eminem has poked fun at Dr Dre(In 'The Real Slim Shady' he says
"And Dre said,
nothing idiots
Dr Dre's dead.
He's locked in my basement" ).
They are good friends. He has made an appearance in more than one Eminem video ( Just Lose It, Guilty Conscience).

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He does the same in "CRIMINAL" 8-)

"Oh That's Dre With An AK To His Face,
Don't Make Me Kill Him Too And Spray His Brains All Over The Place (Muffled noises come from Dre)
I TOLD YOU DRE U SHOULD'A KEPT THAT THING PUT AWAY!
I GUESS THAT'S TEACH YOU NOT TO LET ME PLAY WITH IT! HAHAHA!! *ratatatat - The AK gets fired.*

8-)

Quote:

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Its from 'White Babes' .

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I guess u mean "White Chicks" with the Wayne Brothers?

There's another hilarious dialouge...

One of the Wayne Brothers is in his white chick dress thing. And Terry Crews ( http://stumpedmagazine.com/photoarchive/3271.jpg He'z this insanly huge, buff black guy), comes out wearing an extreamly tight underwear thingy that's supposed to be his bathing suit and stands right above Marlon Wayne who is now the white chick. Marlon Wayne wakes up, and looks at Terry Crews.

Black Guy: Watch out there. You don't wanna get sun Burnt now! (And gives him a discustingly perverted expression.)

Marlon Wayne: It's Okay..No Problem Mr. Swartze-negro.

:rotfl: I thought that was hilarious! :lol: