PDA

View Full Version : India Smiles



pavalamani pragasam
23rd January 2005, 05:17 PM
India Smiles

It was a cool, pleasant afternoon. Peace prevailed everywhere. It was no wonder Santhosh enjoyed surfing through the society magazines reclining on the beautifully carved swing in the spacious hall of the luxurious bungalow.
Rishi’s frantic call from the kitchen jerked him into sudden activity. How time flies! Shakthi might come any minute now. Heaving a big sigh Santhosh shoved away the magazines and hurried into the kitchen to help Rishi with the final touches.
Even as they were setting the table the whirr of the helicopter was heard outside making them drops the cutlery in fright.
Shakthi stomped in and her thundering voice rumbled into the dining hall from where Santhosh and Rishi scurried into the hall.
Kalyan stood in obeisance near the deeply cushioned sofa on which was Shakthi seated with both her hands spread on the back of the sofa.
“Why are the kids not back yet? I’m sure that lazy bones Dhayal was late to go to the school to pick them up!”
Just as she finished spewing these wrathful words the kids Preethi and Charan came running towards her followed by Dhayal over laden with their school bags.
Preethi jumped on to her mother’s lap and was fondly caressed by her. Charan stood nestling against her and hesitantly spoke” Mummy, let me also go with Preethi to the computer classes”.


Shakthi’s lips curled up in scorn at her son’s plea. ”Hey! What good is that going to do to you? Isn’t it enough for you to know the basic applications?”
“Mummy, please………” “No, Charan! Don’t expect me to throw away money on a fool who must end up mopping the floor, laundering, cooking and bringing up children. It is enough of a burden for me to pay dowry for you.”
With that august announcement she turned towards Rishi. “You, wastrel! What have you cooked up for me in that smelly kitchen of yours?”
Rishi bowed and muttered,” Chappathi and channa masala, dear”. “You and your idiotic menus! Throw your chappathis to the street dogs; I want pizza with prawn topping and paneer pulao with chicken tikka. Go and be fast, you fumbling fool! I am famished”.
“I’ll get them ready in a jiffy, dear.” With that he ran into the kitchen to rummage into his stock of ingredients.
Shakthi got up and sauntered towards the computer. On her way she stopped and wondered aloud.” Where is this rogue, Vimal? What keeps him so long in the farm? I have strong suspicions about the sincerity he shows in the farm work. The bastard is deep in some lewd tricks up there!”
She then suddenly turned towards Santhosh and shouted, ”Stop staring at the roof and do something useful, you loafer. Did you wash the windowpanes of my bedroom? Did you get my new dress from the tailor? Did you idle away the whole day chatting with neighbors?”
As Santhosh silently slipped into the inner regions of the mansion Shakthi took her next shot at Kalyan,” Can’t you do anything without being reminded, you stupid fellow? Didn’t I ask you to attend to my rose climbers? The garden is a real sight! How irresponsible you are!”
She turned around to face her next target Dhayal, “Why are you gaping at me like that, you stupid fool? Aren’t you supposed to be helping Preethi with her homework? Don’t stand there rooted like a tree, you blockhead!”
With a grand gesture of great exasperation Shakthi slumped back in the sofa. A nice bunch of five good- for-nothing husbands to drive me mad! Woe to me!”
The evening wore away in a typical manner with such noisy tantrums and tirades from Shakthi. When night creped in she retired to her air-conditioned bedroom and the unique calm deseeded on the place. Out came the crouching husbands into the dim lit hall to have a tee- a- tee. They wait eagerly throughout the day for the sweet solace of these daily discussions in hushed tones.
Santhosh and Rishi were bursting with impatience to disclose their secret plan. Santhosh had received confidential information from highly reliable sources about a clandestine meeting-exclusively for men-that night in the neighboring town. When he imparted the news to Rishi he too became very eager to attend the meeting.
When they revealed their plan to the other three they cried in unison.” WHAT?” immediately they recovered themselves to remember their surroundings and promptly reduced the volume of their voice. But they could not hide their extreme fear and anxiety.
“Are you both mad? Do you understand what you are talking about?” asked Dhayal.” What a fool hardly act!” was Kalyan comment.” Are you aware of the consequences of Shakthi smelling your stealthy exit at night?” demanded Vimal
“Nothing can be more reckless than your proposed adventure,” pronounced Kalyan. “Such an escapade can be properly called a suicidal attempt,” opined Vimal.
Highly sensible words of those three men seemed to have little effect on the “brave” Pair.” This is too good an opportunity to miss” raved Santhosh.” I can’t just resist the temptation” persisted Rishi.
The three men could not help pitying the two they realized that nothing could have stopped them. Filled with misgiving they watched the pair pushing the motorbike silently outside the gate and walking away a few meters before starting the engine.
The riders felt highly elated. Filled with an incomparable sense of emancipation they drove at high speed, their expectation escalating as they reached their destination.
The venue for the secret meeting of men meted out with a similar fate like that of Santhosh and his mates was nothing other than a dimly –lit shed behind a deserted factory.
The shed was packed to its full capacity the faces displayed a medley of emotions like fear, anxiety, melancholy, anger and vengeance. There was a general mood of expectation.
In spite of the members being complete strangers an uncanny sense of bonding seemed to exist among them. Men who were talking excitedly with those near them exchanging information with sympathy and surprise fell silent when the co-ordinator welcomed the crowd and his voice rang clearly in the pin-drop silence.
“Our country is now passing through a dark period of extreme hardship and ignominy to the male section of its population. Our forefathers had a foolish aversion to girl children and started eliminating them. They killed the girl baby very crudely soon after their birth. As science and technology improved girl babies were scanned even while they were in their mother’s wombs and were aborted.
This cruel practice continued to flourish in spite of governmental interference with the result of a drastic dip in the birth of girl babies. The odd ratio of the male and female members of our population has become the cause for a completely unexpected and tragic predicament. The disproportionate sex ratio has become a tool of exploitation in the hands of the minority women community. By being rare in number they have assumed a precious status. Men have difficulty getting life partners.
In an ironic turn of fate today women are alike Panjali of Mahabharatha. They condescend to marry at least five men accepting hefty dowry if the male population must have the bliss of marital status.
We minions suffer in innumerable ways in the households of these proud queens, running errands without freedom of speech or movement. This is too heavy a yoke to carry. We must find what means we can to get out of this serfdom.
We must struggle to obtain 33% representation in the parliament. We must find equal opportunities of education and employment. We shall mark a particular day each year to be observed as the International Men’s Day……….”
The crowd listened with rapt attention and maintained absolute silence as the speaker continued with stunning authority and clarity. Finally came his clarion call, ”Repeat after me’ We want freedom’”. The mesmerized crowd chanted the mantra in unison repeatedly.
Raghu shook his friend Ravi sleeping with the newspaper spread on his chest with these words, ”Are you dreaming? Why are you shouting ’ We want freedom?’ We got freedom more than half a century ago”. Rudely awakened out of his disturbed sleep Ravi described his weird nightmare to his friend. After a hearty laugh Raghu spoke seriously,” The newspaper headlines about the ominous trend of the sex ratio of the country’s population caused you such a frightful nightmare is a healthy indication, I should say.
Are we not an enlightened lot? Shall we not put an end to this rotten practice of female infanticide? Are we not fully aware of the consequences of what our elders are doing now? Cheer up, my boy! Get up now and start studying well for the remaining exams. Our challenges are many. Let us brace up to face them. Sowing seeds of good values we shall reap happiness. With the option of sighs or smiles before us we have made the right choice. India smiles. A golden tomorrow awaits us”.

RR
23rd January 2005, 07:04 PM
Are we not an enlightened lot?
We are a frightened lot now. Hope this dream never comes true :)
Seriously, your point nicely comes thru.. !

pavalamani pragasam
23rd January 2005, 09:25 PM
Thanx, RR :) Such rude, frightening shocks are needed to create an awareness about such a serious issue. :cry:

a.ratchasi
24th January 2005, 01:04 PM
Maam, I like the way you conveyed your point. 8)

pavalamani pragasam
24th January 2005, 02:07 PM
Thanx, a.ratchasi :D

nirosha sen
27th January 2005, 01:46 PM
:lol: :lol: :lol: What a rude awakening to the brawny lot of men, Pava!!! Such a refreshing piece!! Shakti was certainly no sacrificial and subservient Draupathi, to her Pancha Pandus, Pa!!!!

Mmmm...I must have missed this thread earlier!!! :D

pavalamani pragasam
27th January 2005, 01:55 PM
Thanx,Nirosha :D

Badri
11th March 2005, 09:27 AM
Mrs PP

Thanks for inviting me to read your story, India Smiles and asking me to comment on it. First off, I wish to state that this critique is frank and outright, and is in no way influenced by my gender.

It is a bold idea, whimsical, but well thought out, and I thinnk original, although I was reminded of the movie, "Day After Tomorrow" on reading the story. In case you have not seen it, it is a movie maker's idea of how bad things can go if we keep tampering with the environment. One of those 'shockers' intended to wake people up before it is too late. Your story follows a similar pattern.

I understand it has been exagerrated simply to shock people into awareness, but I fear, the idea has not been presented adequately. The urge seems to have been more towards conveying the idea so forcibly that the technique has suffered. Centuries of atrocities heaped upon women is the telling point of the story. What if the table turns is the technique, but there seems to be a sense of articifiality with how the idea has been portrayed.

The character of Shakti was brought out with her few initial outbursts. Thereafter, it became rather jaded. Letting us in on the fact that they were all her husbands much later in the story was very novel, and least expected. You got the readers started off thinking they were probably her servants or something, and then, wham - they are actually husbands.

For theme and idea, :thumbsup:

But for the actual writing :(


Excuse me if I have been too harsh in my critique. Again, with all due respects, the idea was excellent, but I wish you had not made it so artificial as to make it lose its punch.

pavalamani pragasam
13th March 2005, 02:31 PM
Thanx,Badri! I liked your critique. As for that element of artificiality I think the culprits are many- I had to restrict the number words to 1500 as stipulated by the contest rules. This made a nuisance to my free flow of thoughts, keeping on counting the words to limit the script. Then I had a deadline. I came to know about the contest from an ad in Readers' Digest which said the last date was Nov.30th. I was at that time holidaying in my native place amid a lot of family functions and fun-filled programmes. So instead of raking my brain for a new theme I chose this one which I had long ago written in Tamil and published in thinnai.com as a drama.("Paanjaali Raajyam")When I decided to rewrite it I didnt have its copy with me. So from memory I did it. Alas, I learnt afterwards in the net after returning home that the last date was Feb.28th. But I am puzzled to see still entries being posted there to this day! For an amateur to have done this amid SO much distraction is something of a feat. You please next read my story, "The mouse trap"( if itsnt here, it is surely in the old hub's archives).That was written for a story context in The Hindu with 3000 words limit. When I wrote it I had full leisure and full concentration, I enjoyed pruning it counting the words. It came out well in my and many of my friends' opinion. I wasnt disappointed at not getting the prize, but I was saddened by the stories chosen as winners! My taste!!!
I read a few of Saki's stories in the link you gave. Yes, he is a relishable writer, indeed.
Why dont you come to the poetry section to read my poems there?

xlntbarani
16th August 2005, 02:31 AM
India Smiles


Smiles .... on India :)



It was a cool, pleasant afternoon.....
.......

“No, Charan! Don’t expect me to throw away money on a fool who must end up mopping the floor, laundering, cooking and bringing up children. It is enough of a burden for me to pay dowry for you.”


:roll:



......slumped back in the sofa. A nice bunch of five good- for-nothing husbands to drive me mad! Woe to me!”


:wink: Konjam puriyara maadhiri..
irukku...
Yenna madam aachu ungalukku... em :?



.... welcomed the crowd and his voice rang clearly in the pin-drop silence.
“Our country is now passing through a dark period of extreme hardship and ignominy to the male section of its population. Our forefathers had a foolish aversion to girl children and started eliminating them. They killed the girl baby very crudely soon after their birth. As science and technology improved girl babies were scanned even while they were in their mother’s wombs and were aborted.
This cruel practice continued to flourish .....


Indha maramandaikku...
puriya aarambichiduchu...
8)



We must struggle to obtain 33% representation in the parliament. We must find equal opportunities ....
Bada ... vishayaam .. madam..
naan appa-ppa yosipeann....
adhavida idhu nalla irukku...
Super-o-super :clap:



Finally came his clarion call, ”Repeat after me’ We want freedom’”. The mesmerized crowd chanted the mantra in unison repeatedly.


If India likes to Smile.. and not want to forget .. the how of Smiling
.... We want freedom
from Our Own
Mind-Thoughts-Living :!:



..... ”Are you dreaming?
..... Are we not fully aware of the consequences of what our elders are doing now?



ayooo... idhu verum kanavu thaanaa... hm... :cry:



Cheer up, my boy!
Let us brace up to face them.
Sowing seeds of good values we shall reap happiness.

India smiles.


Madam... oru vishayam sollavaa...

Nalla... romba Nalla irukku... Aana kadaisi line'la oru Sinna... romba sinna correcion irukku... Correct pannavaa... em :roll:




A golden tomorrow awaits us”.

The Golden Day is not 'tomorrow'...
the Day is Today... this Second ....
Cheer Up!
Let us brace up by
Sowing seeds of good values to reap happiness to ManKind...

:)

Ok :roll:

pavalamani pragasam
16th August 2005, 08:01 AM
Thanx, barani :D

P_R
22nd August 2005, 10:37 AM
I saw a movie in AXN long ago (Ulaga Tholaikkaatchigalil 'Ore' Muraiyaaga......). The theme was like this. Technology renders men unnecessary for reproduction. Women go on to rule the world and hunt men down. Scared men live in groups with nowhere to run. Then there is the usual hero and , of course, good hearted heroine who fight the odds. It's pretty American where the 'uselessness' is the threat.
I found your story very interesting.A neat 'Operation Shock and Awe' I especially loved that dowry line :lol: Reading your other stories I have enjoyed the 'typical'ness in your portrayals but this one was all about not letting the reader have any sense of 'typical'ness. You seem to have many pens :thumbsup:
I agree with Badri that the narration could have been a bit more subtle instead of 'the moral of the story is......' but I enjoyed the midway twist nevertheless. Eager to read more.

pavalamani pragasam
22nd August 2005, 12:08 PM
Thanx, Prabhu Ram. :D Reports of the bad sex ratio becoming worse seems to create no fear in anybody: so unconcerned is the present generation for the welfare of the next generations :(

lordstanher
4th November 2005, 08:42 PM
PP ma'm,
Altho I've visited this section b4 & even this thread, this is the 1st time I went thru ur story fully........

And after reading it all I can say is:

"Wondra-full I sayyyyyy" :clap: :thumbsup: :D

Also very thought-provoking indeed.......so all the same I'm of course not the only person to wish tat it does not ever come true in our country! :shock:

lordstanher
4th November 2005, 08:45 PM
so unconcerned is the present generation for the welfare of the next generations :(
Yes, and not just in this regard but just abt every matter! :(

pavalamani pragasam
7th November 2005, 11:53 AM
Thanx, lordstanher!

Shakthiprabha.
10th November 2005, 02:19 PM
pp maam,

Good theme, not-so-good presentation. Ive read some better works from u.

I feel, it started off with a rough n tough outburst finally to be coated with mild, misplaced comedy, though the messege conveyed was in NOWAY comical.

I was also reminded of urvashi's movie where the women drink some potion to torture men, finally to yield to peace.

Finally, U COULD HAVE SELECTED A BETTER NAME FOR the lady character :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry:

pavalamani pragasam
10th November 2005, 03:37 PM
Shakthi, believe me, it is unintentional! :D

lordstanher
10th November 2005, 06:17 PM
Finally, U COULD HAVE SELECTED A BETTER NAME FOR the lady character :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry:
:lol: :lol: :D

Well, on the bright side, atleast tat isn't ur real name (which is only Prabha rite? Nice name, btw! :D)

Shakthiprabha.
11th November 2005, 11:25 AM
lol pp maam.

lord, yup its Prabha. Thanks :). I wonder though HOW u came to that conclusion?

lordstanher
11th November 2005, 02:21 PM
lord, yup its Prabha. Thanks :). I wonder though HOW u came to that conclusion?
Um.......wasn't it u urself who said this in another thread (I think "story behind ur username").....??
I rem. u said sumthing abt Shakti being the name of a TV serial *ing Bhanupriya, which u liked so u adopted it........u also said tat in the old forum u kept ur ID as jus Shakti until sum ppl. started addressing u as Mr. Shakti.....! :D
Nothing like a trusty memory.......! :wink: :D

Shakthiprabha.
12th November 2005, 02:13 PM
u are right :shock: okkkk I understand uve known me from old hub!!

yeah some called me mr.shakthi GRRR. That led to the developmental change of my name :lol:

lordstanher
12th November 2005, 07:24 PM
okkkk I understand uve known me from old hub!!
Nope I havn't! Twas only after coming here.... :D
Or maybe I did come across ur posts there but din't pay attention to them....? There were loads of ppl. whose posts I din't notice......sumtimes anonymous ppl. wud log in w/ a similar ID & post all cr*p jus to insult tat person......! :evil:


yeah some called me mr.shakthi GRRR. That led to the developmental change of my name :lol:
Tat reminds me of changing my username (but not my avtaar, don't worry! :D) cos I find its been misinterpreted by many ppl......but not able to change it so may hav to create a new account after cancelling this one.......?

Shakthiprabha.
14th November 2005, 01:24 PM
Tat reminds me of changing my username (but not my avtaar, don't worry! :D) cos I find its been misinterpreted by many ppl......but not able to change it so may hav to create a new account after cancelling this one.......?

:thumbsup: good luck.

sarna_blr
28th January 2009, 04:32 PM
great thoughts :clap: :clap:

pavalamani pragasam
28th January 2009, 04:43 PM
:ty: