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View Full Version : A story outline idea... I'd like your opinions/assistance...



Bipolar
22nd May 2006, 04:25 PM
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sgokulprathap
22nd May 2006, 04:34 PM
U can post this in Stories section to get more response.

bingleguy
22nd May 2006, 04:37 PM
Ys Bipolar GP is correct ! tis better to create the same in the stories section ... for better response

Bipolar
22nd May 2006, 05:10 PM
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crazy
22nd May 2006, 05:59 PM
wow super story!
keep writting!

Badri
23rd May 2006, 06:27 AM
I am moving this to the Stories Forum

rsubras
23rd May 2006, 11:44 PM
dude, a very nice story :) short and crisp.......

when u add dialogs, chances are it may not sustain the same pace as this narration of you does.. neway i hope you keep it in the same pace when u write this eloborately too..........

ramky
24th May 2006, 12:17 AM
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very nice story Bipolar, but since you asked for it, here are my comments.


Hey guys...
I had a story outine idea... I'd like to suggest the idea to you guys, I'd like to hear your opinions, and I'd be grateful for any assistance you can give me with developing the story further, if you think it's a good idea...

So here goes:

The themes the story should consider are:
betrayal
guilt
loneliness

The main characters involved in the story:

Anil: The story revolves around him. At the start of the story, he is a young man, twenty years of age. The story follows him for the next forty-seven years - till he dies when he is sixty-seven years old.
At the start of the story, he is a university student. He comes from a fairly conservative Tamil family. He is a person with a deep inferiority complex, although on the outside, he appears to be exactly the opposite - he seems to be a self-confident, outspoken individual. Some people like him, but not everyone. But everyone (including people who don't like him very much) admire him for his assuredness.
But then he makes one mistake, which haunts him for the rest of his life, changing him completely.

Sandhya: She is a woman who studies the same course as Anil. She is very good-looking, and a very good person - really kind-hearted and compassionate. She is a gifted singer and mathematician. She comes from an economically disadvanted background. Her parents tried to dissuade her from going to university, encouraging her to go into the world of cinema instead, because that would have been their ticket to a (financially) better life. She falls in love with Anil, believing him to be the right person for her.

Nirmala: She is Anil's distant cousin. She is a classmate of Anil and Sandhya too. She is Sandhya's best friend. Despite being related to Anil, she doesn't like him very much, at least initially. Tries to persuade Sandhya that Anil is not the right person for her.



Nirmala being Anil's cousin as well as Sandhyas' best friend is a somewhat of a cliche i feel. she can be either of these but not both.



Rakesh and Sheila: Anil's parents.

Arun: Anil's brother.

Srikanth: Anil's best friend.

Rekha: A woman who falls in love with Anil when he is in his thirties. He falls in love with her, too, but it doesn't go very far.

Jayanth, Vignesh, Anitha, Premila, and several others: Anil's students.


So here's the story outline:

Sandhya and Anil meet at university and Sandhya slowly falls in love with Anil. Anil likes her too, but his feelings for her aren't so deep. He is attracted to her because of her good looks and her sweet personality. Sandhya feels disappointed and upset with her parents because she feels they are trying to "use" her. She feels that Anil is different, and she thinks that he really cares about her and her feelings. Nirmala, who is her best friend, feels that Anil is not so sincere to Sandhya, and tries to explain this to her, but fails.
Anil hides his relationship with Sandhya from his parents, because he knows they will not approve of it. When it seems as if his parents are about to find out about it, he breaks off the relationship.

Sandhya is shattered when Anil leaves her, and tell Nirmala that she feels very upset - she feels betrayed by everyone in her life.

A couple of days later, Sandhya falls from a window on the third floor of the students' hostel and dies. It is officially declared to be a tragic accident, but Nirmala thinks it was suicide.
Nirmala confronts Anil in private and angrily tells him that he is responsible for Sandhya's death.

Anil then begins to feel guilty. He begins to change. For several months after Sandhya's death, he is depressed. He withdraws from his social circle. He then begins to feel he has a responsibilty towards Sandhya - he feels he should dedicate the rest of his life to doing those things that she would have done, had she lived. He begins to take his mathematics studies more seriously. He is driven to excel and becomes a lecturer at the university. He is highly respected by his students, because he is a brilliant mathematician and teacher. But he is still a lonely person. Although most people hold him in high regard, he feels very ashamed of himself, and feels that he doesn't deserve the respect he gets from others. He cuts himself off from his friends. The others move on. Nirmala gets married and has children. So does Anil's best friend, Srikanth.

When he reached the age of twenty-eight, his parents, unaware of his previous relationship with Sandhya, try to persuade him to get married, but he refuses. He steadfastly refuses for several years, and his parents, although deeply saddened, give up. He too, feels sad about upsetting his parents in this way (he loves his parents deeply), but feels he simply has no choice.

When he is in his mid-thirties, Anil meets another woman, called Rekha, and they start to have feelings for each other. His parents see a glimmer of hope for him. Rekha doesn't know about the demons that haunt Anil. Anil, tormented by guilt, lets his feelings die. Rekha soon comes to accept that they are not meant to be together.
The years and the decades pass by, many hundreds of students come and go, many of them achieve academic brilliance under Anil's tutelage, all of them respect him, and all of them find that although he is a patient and dedicated teacher, almost noone is able to understand him as an individual - he just doesn't seem to "connect" with anyone. Nirmala and Srikanth are the only two people who understand Anil's mind.


A bit of a contradiction isnt it ? Because this same Nirmala blamed Anil for Sandhya's death.



Anil's loneliness tears him apart. He has noone to turn to for solace.

When he is in his early sixties, one day, a little puppy dog comes to him - randomly, inexplicably follows him as he makes his way home after teaching. It appears to be in pain, its leg appears to be broken. He takes pity on it, and takes it to the vet. After it has been treated, he decides to look after it himself.

Over the next few years, the dog becomes his companion - and it gives him some kind of happiness. But when the dog reaches the age of fourteen (by then, Anil is in his early seventies, retired), it dies. Anil is very upset.

A short time later, Anil suffers a stroke, and is admitted to hospital. He recovers consciousness, but is paralysed, unable to even speak. Then the people who cared about him come to see him - his brother and his family, Srikanth, Nirmala and some of Anil's former students, because they are told that he not likely to survive very long. Nirmala is finally able to force her way into his life and goes to his side, and tells him that she is sorry for the mess she unwittingly caused in his life. She tells him that Sandhya would have been proud of him, if she could see everything he has now done for her. At hearing that, tears flow from Anil's eyes - it's some measure of redemption for him.

The following morning, Anil dies.


Cliched ending already seen in movies / tv serials.



The story could be narrated in the form of conversations between people as they travel to see Anil for the last time, they all discuss their recollections of him and the times they shared with him.

So tell me, what do you guys think of the story? Does it make sense? Is it too melodramatic? Please give me your honest opinions! I don't mind if you criticise me heavily - I wouldn't be afraid of criticising others, so I expect nothing less from you guys.

Also, folks, I intend to start a blog of my own soon, where I'll put up my other ideas... I hope you guys will visit.

Regards.

its nice that you dont mind criticisms - an aspiring writer must be prepared for bouquets as well as brickbats. My opinion is a story must be a bit melodramatic, otherwise its like a newspaper report.